.

. thank you .
.. i love you ..
... i miss you ...

what worship is:

i was reading through this powerpoint presentation, and it sorta reiterated what i knew, but seeing as i was never one who was good with words, i thought i'd jot them down.. so next time anyone asks "what is worship?" i'll be able to quote John Piper :)

1. “Strong affections for God, rooted in and shaped by the truth of Scripture – this is bone and marrow of biblical worship” (John Piper)

2. Worship in song must be a genuine extension from a lifestyle of worship

3. Every moment and every activity can be transformed into an act of worship

“Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3:23, NLT)

“Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering.” (Romans 12:1, Mssg)

“Let every detail in your lives--words, actions, whatever--be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way” (Colossians 3:17, Mssg)

a jaw-dropping wow

So as i mentioned prior, we had a pretty bad worship practice on wednesday.. not only that, but we had 35 minutes of actual practice behind our belts. I was dreading the worst, yet at the same time a bit complacent, praying for the best and putting my trust in the best, i.e. our God. and today, everything went so smoothly, it was amazing, and well all i could do was laugh and chuckle at how things turned around so easily. we started practice around 8:20am, and lo and behold we actually finished going through each and every song by the time the clock struck 9:05. So not only did we get to go through everything, we even had enough time to smooth over the wrinkles. I was nervous seeing as we scrapped 4 out of the 6 songs we had practiced on wednesday. so yes, we had to practice 4 completely new songs this morning (not like it mattered, since 35 minutes is not much time to practice anything) but ya, everything fell in line so incredibly smoothly! i'm just thankful we switched up the songs of response.. it definitely was more fitting with the theme of Jenny's message. sometimes it feels like a gamble when choosing a song of response. if all you're given is the scripture reading and the golden verse, well honestly the direction of the msg could pretty well go anywhere. but when you find that perfect song which encapsulates the theme of the message, then it feels like you've hit the jackpot. i hate having to connect the sermon to the song of response, rather the song of response should be able to stand on its own as an extension of the sermon, or a re-statement of it.

i like leading worship. its scary and frightening. but its also enlightening and uplifting (if that makes any sense). leading worship has pushed me to become a better servant, a better Christian, and a better daughter to my Lord. so ya, i really do like leading worship.

KCACYF Summer of 2006

Haggai 2:1-23

The Way of Obedience is the Way of Blessing.

Haggai teaches us that faithfulness and blessings are directly connected; that when a good work is awaiting its accomplishment, the time to do it is now! that discouragement is not a good enough reason for neglecting duties. "Be strong and work" (Haggai 2:4) is a great statement to live by... its going out in faith, working hard, and in the process receiving the many blessings poured out from our Father.

"My Spirit remains among you. Do not fear." (Haggai 2:5)
"I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you." (Haggai 2:23)

God said He would make Zerubbabel like a signet ring, yet earlier on (somewhere in Jeremiah) God passes judgement on his grandfather and entire family line. however, years later, Zerubbabel leads a group of Jews back to Jerusalem after their exile in Babylon. Because of his obedience to God and his efforts to rebuild the temple, the Lord refers to Zerubbabel as a valued signet ring. (The signet ring represents honor and authority of a king)

Lesson to Learn: Be Obedient, Be Strong, and Work Hard

Malachi 1:6-14

Worship is the natural expression of our love for a holy God. Now this God we believe in is a jealous God who demands the totality of our worship, for he is the object of our honor and our respect.

Malachi hits the dot when addressing the issue of hypocritical worship. Apparently, the term “hypocrite” has Elizabethan roots. An actor would play numerous roles by switching masks. It was the same person, but a different face. The word “hypocrite” in today’s terminology is completely negative now - he or she is a person who talks out of both sides of their mouth, someone who goes through the proper motions but has a hidden agenda. Have you ever heard that phrase "I got so much out of worship today" ? its warped i tell you. Its not what we get out of it, but rather what we GIVE out of ourselves to Him.

There is a natural order and a natural flow of things. First comes love, then comes Worship. These 2 values go hand-in-hand or rather they're like hand in glove. There can be no separating our love for God from our worship of who God is.

In Malachi's time, he speaks of Worship services which have become routine and mundane. The people were showing up for corporate worship but their lifestyle demonstrated a selfish priority. Its scary how our time and age is not so much different from theirs. Malachi emphasizes the need for true worship, and the heart of his message identifies what true worship is. True worship must have a sincere respect for God. True worship must give a sacrificial response to God. Is God our buddy-buddy? or is he our master whom we honour and respect (Malachi 1:6)? For our God says "I am a great King, and my name is to be feared among the nations" (Malachi 1:14) Where's the fear in our generation today? It's like we've bottled him up into a tiny cute little package of love and happiness.. and we don't recognize this is the same avengeful God who can brutally strip us into nothing.

humility in you.

Teach me Lord to love you with everything and nothing. Everything in that my whole being will love you with all that I have and even with all that I lack; and Nothing in that I am not conscious of my love for you, I am not self-aware for that is prideful, and that will surely ensnare me in sin. Let the foundation of my love for you be based on humility and self-sacrifice. Lord wipe away all pride, all sin, and all my double-mindedness, for Lord I am but a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes, while you remain unchanged and unchanging, the same yesterday, today, and forever. Lord lend your strength to me, that my feet may be like the feet of deer, and that I may reach inexplicable heights whereso it is written in your design for me. Sorry for that lapse in emotion last night. God, thank you for being my refuge, thank you for caring for those whose trust is in You. I hate being weak. I hate letting emotions run, but at the same time, I thank you Lord that you've given these feelings to me, that I truly felt and truly FEEL alive. This breath in me is a gift from you; God, I don't want to abuse that gift. Let me be grateful for all I have, and be even more grateful for all that I don't have - for it will force me to be more hungry, more thirsty after your kingdom and righteousness. So I turn these tears of sadness into tears of joy...


<-----! !----->

"Your attitude should be the same as that
of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death -
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee
should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under
the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father."

- Philippians 2:5-11

<-----! !----->

..

i was walking home after practice..
and i dunno why, but i just started crying.
it was as if all my frustrations, all my worries, all my inner longings were embodied in my tears.

ya, we had a really bad worship practice, and that just added fuel to the flame.. but i wasn't crying for that . i pinpointed why exactly all these tears were flowing down my face. it was cuz an image popped into my head. an image of myself at home, hugging my dad. its so strange, i never in a million years thought that THAT would bring me to tears! me, the one who's so stoic when it comes to crying. i miss you dad. i miss the warmth i get when i'm in your arms, i miss that sense of security, knowing that when i'm in your embrace, everything will be ok. its like you put a spell over me. and now, just thinking about you is putting me to tears all over again.. stop grace. stop crying. why are you so weak right now? why do you miss home so much? why are tears flowing down your face? just stop. please..

i miss you.

i miss you mommy
i miss you daddy
i miss you michael
i miss you david

i just want to go home right now.
i think it might've been for the best if i had gone home to study this summer.
i feel like there are 10 oceans between us.
can't believe you guys are roadtripping back to calgary again..
wish i could come.

don't let go..

Lord, my God.
You are my crutch.
Don't ever let me go.
I fear the second you release me, I'll fall.
I'm hanging by one strand -
that golden strand connecting me to you.
Don't let go.

I can't stand on my own 2 feet without you Lord.
I don't think i'll even be able to breathe, for responsibilities, duties, aspirations, they all overwhelm me, they'll sweep me off my feet into darkness. Lord you're controlling my breath. each depression of my diaphragm, each contraction of my intercostal muscles, Lord you're even controlling my medulla oblongata

Lord you control everything. i'll collapse without you God, and you know it.

onto the ladder.

Sabbath: Work to glorify Him.
All other Days: Glorify by working for Him.

..phase2..

redefinition

Lord you define me, (F C)
You complete me, (Bb)
Like none other can. (Dm C)

Lord, you're my Father, (F C)
My best friend, (Bb)
On whom I can depend. (C)

So why do I look elsewhere, (F)
For purpose in my life. (C/E)
And why is my heart running, (Dm)
To burden and to strife. (C)
Despite my true intentions, (Bb)
I'm losing sight of you. (F/A)
I'm fooling myself, (Bb/G)
Deceiving myself. (F/A)
Now I'm longing for you, (Bb/G)
Hoping for you, (F/C)
For your promises reign true. (Bb C)

Lord, be my center (F C/E)
Lord, Be my answer (Dm F/C)
Lord, by my Sole Desire. (Bb F/A)
Hold me. (Bb/G)
Take me. (F/A)
Lead me, (Bb)
in this life. (F)

very random thoughts

sorry i had those thoughts invading my head.
it was unfair, and i probably should have told you,
but time has past..
and it really was just a bad day
maybe i'll blame it on pms or something..

thanks mrs.lo for teaching me to bake cookies from scratch!
there's more than meets the eye, that's for sure

my feet hurt, i've been on a go-go from 8am-1am

can't believe i'm actually gonna get to record my song.. hope if anyone listens, they won't laugh.. or think its horrible. music is like laying your heart bare for the whole world to see. its like being stripped down to nothing.. its like that nightmare every kid has of standing naked in front of their class.

i'm still missing you both.
i hate not being able to call.

just a few more weeks to go.
i'm scared.

could i be able to say "Lord where you go I will go, where you stay i will stay"?? how much do i really mean it when i say it? i want to think that i mean it, and i want to believe that i mean it, but do i actually mean it?

i'm tired.
tired of this all.

?

i dunno how you do it,
but somehow someway you make me feel so insignificant,
like i don't matter,
like i'm never good enough,

maybe i'll just blame it on today.
maybe it's just a bad day for me.
maybe i'm just too sensitive about these things..

.

i miss you mommy..
i miss you daddy..

its been hard not being able to talk to you as often..

i miss you too michael & david..

thanks for looking out for me..

i hate phone plans, i hate cell phones, i'm sick of communicating through e-mail..

*sigh

unbounded mercy

Promises, heartless promises (F#m D)
I've made to You. (A E/G#)
Emptiness, in complete abyss (F#m D)
Without You, Lord without You. (A E)

I can't see, I can't breathe, without You. (Bm F#m Esus E)
I can't feel, I can't think, I need You. (Bm F#m Esus E)
And I'm torn up inside, (Bm)
Lord I've lived a lie. (A)
My heart is frozen, (C#m)
Stone cold and broken. (E)
I'm guilty and tried, (Bm)
Entangled in pride. (A)
Can You hear my cry, (C#m)
My silent cry? (E)

..and I sing: (E)
Lord have Mercy (F#m D)
On me, on me. (A E)
And Lord I am nothing, (F#m D)
But take me, please take me (A E)

Brokenness, only brokenness. (F#m D)
There's nothing now, but You. (A E/G#)
I turn to You, there's only You. (A E/G#)
Please save me Lord, please do. (A E)

I want to see, I want to breathe, with You. (Bm F#m Esus E )
I want to feel, I want to think, I need You. (Bm F#m Esus E)
And I'm begging you Lord, (Bm)
Am I spoken for? (A)
Can you save this child, (C#m)
This undeserving child? (E)
Is there grace for me, (Bm)
yes even for me? (A)
Lord hear my cry, (C#m)
my heartfelt cry. (E)

..and I sing: (E)
Lord show mercy, (F#m D)
On me, on me (A E)
And Lord I have nothing, (F#m D)
Yet you've taken me, you've taken me (A E)

And now I'm complete in You (A Bm)
And now I'm made whole in You (A/C# D)
And I'm renewed and alive (A)
Strengthened and revived (Bm )
Refined and Redignified in You (A/C# D)

I can see, and I can breathe, (Bm A/C#)
I can feel; Your grace is my seal. (D E)

Will You teach me your ways, (A)
To strengthen my faith. (D)
I will walk in your truths, (A/C#)
Uphold the good news. (E)
Lord my heart belongs to You, (A)
Only to You. (D)
My praises fill the sky, (A/C#)
Only for You! (E)

..and I'll proclaim: (E)
Lord you are merciful, (A E/G#)
To me, even me(F#m D)
Oh Lord, your grace is beautiful, (A E/G#)
It saved me, yes You saved me (F#m D)

i like my highschoolers..

thankful for those talks...

these past 3 weeks flew by so quickly. i was really sad when Joyce left kingston, i thought it would feel like eternity until she got back.. but at the same time, during these 3 weeks, i've learned so much, and am happy that everything happened the way it did. i've gotten to know a new brother in Christ. someone i sorta wishwashily knew before, but never really got to know. someone who has not only opened my eyes to truths time and time again, but has helped me through some mental bumps.

after tonight's talk, i've come to a conclusion. i've said it before, but now its going to be put into longterm action. for the next year at least, i'm going to swear off boys.. as in no thinking about anything that could be more than a friendship, no thinking about romance, no looking for love, no looking period. i want to be content with being single. and i will be content. not only that, but one day, probably not anytime soon, i'd want to have as much faith as to say to the Lord that I'd be happy being single for the rest of my life... to have that much trust in Him, to have that much love for Him and Him alone! So here's to the year of growing relationships solely as brothers and sisters in Christ, here's to a year of being whole in only you my Lord.

all along...

thank you Lord for knowing me, and yet loving me just the same.
that despite my not having the most eloquent speech, or the perfect words to describe what i want to say .. Lord you still understand me.. even through all my mumbles and grumbles. i could only laugh when it dawned on me as i was walking home tonite.. Lord you know me. you out of every single person i know in this world, you know me the best. i don't have to impress you Lord, i don't have to try so hard in front of you, i don't need to be someone i'm not.. because you understand me just as i am, you accept me just as i am, and most importantly, Lord you love me despite all my bruises and scars. out of everyone you know the deepest yearnings of my being, you know when my soul is crying out for help, when i am in need.. you really are my best friend.. how could i be so blind as to not truly understand that before?

.

Depth of Mercy! Can there be Mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear? Me, the chief of sinners spare?

I have long with stood His grace, Long provoked Him to His face,
Would not hearken to His calls, Grieved Him by a thousand falls.

Jesus, answer from above: Is not all Thy nature love?
Wilt Thou not the wrong forget? Lo, I fall before Thy feet.

Lord, incline me to repent; Let me now my fall lament;
Deeply my revolt deplore; Weep, believe, and sin no more.

- Charles Wesley, 1707-1788


(. . .i'm wretched, so utterly wretched
wholly underserving of your grace
have mercy on your servant oh Lord
take pity on this deplorable sight. . . )