difference reduction: psyc 220 . how do i achieve that goal-state? by what means will i reach the end? who do i most strive to be? and how do i get there from where i am right now. i can't wait for summer. i just need some time to think. i just need some time to spend with you and only you. lately i haven't been thinking too much. my brain has been fried ten times over, and even now it hurts to think of anything other than school. i'm a hollow shell of who i strive to be. i yearn for more in this world. i yearn for you God. take me back please? teach me to be more like you. please Lord have mercy on me. i jumped the gun didn't i? i think i did. there's waiting on the Lord for you. oh how silly i am. why do i always have to take things into my own hands? why is it that i don't have enough patience to wait on you..

i pray for forgiveness.

i pray for focus.

i'm sorry . i think for a second i forgot my identity.. why else would i say the things i say, or do the things i do?

why is it that i keep on walking down this same road.. why do i sway so easily when the slightest breeze flies by... why am i so squishy.... i hate being like this.. i hate this... i need to get off this cloud... i really do.. cuz its hurting my soul i think... i'm not seeing clearly...

yes things have changed.. but some things ought to not change... and yet... those things that aren't supposed to change ARE changing.. ..

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i pray for peace.

peace of mind

peace of heart

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to God be the glory Great things he hath done!

random

I'm sorry for not caring enough, for being so self-absorbed ..

I'm sorry for taking matters into my own hands. I'm sorry for losing focus..

I'm sorry for getting out of that boat only to climb back in..

do i have any regrets for this year? if i could do it all again what would i do?
i don't know if i would have done the same things.. i don't think i would have made the same decisions. but who cares what i would have done... its the past now.

i wish school wasn't so hard and scary. what am i even afraid of? bad marks? so what! God still has his plan for me.. but the thing is... i know i haven't tried my best... and like all decisions and all choices in life, i must face the consequences of that. .. even if it means bad marks.

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.. i'm sorry for losing sight of you..


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i miss music.
its weird... but i dunno why i'm so emotional.. maybe its this song..
listening to one of chopin's etudes... i started remembering the past... i love music. sitting on that piano was my refuge. where it would only be me and you. classical music is so beautiful.. it truly expresses the deepest yearnings of the soul... i want to get back to that time again... where i could play freely .. its like it was a period in my past that i can never return to ..

.... i'm not going to stop playing... after exams, i'm returning to the piano again... i hope.. but like always, technique and time holds me back ..


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why is it that i find it so hard to open up to people? its like i have a pride issue i need to get over.. a false pride about nothing...

when did things get so superficial again? i don't care about the silly things... i don't wanna hear about them... i wanna know how you really are doing... .. tell me... how can i be a better person... i need to be less self-absorbed...less prideful...