thoughts:
what's "best" for me... may not actually be what's best for me.
although parents want the best for me... they may not know what is actually the best for me.
Only God my Father knows and wants and makes out what's best for me.
HE is sovereign. HE is merciful and mighty. HE is in control of ALL things.
who cares what ppl think... even if they are the most dearest and closest people in my life.. the only person who matters is You Lord. Only You. At times i remember when i was younger... how truly you were the only one who mattered above all else and above whom else... I pray i have that kind of faith again... child-like faith to trust NOT in the things of this world... to trust NOT in earthly wisdom...but to trust only in the Lord's wisdom. I cling to your promises Lord.. that you will draw near to those who seek you. That you are merciful and mighty and kind to your children.. to those who listen and know Your voice.
Let this be a trial where my faith has been tested and refined. Deliver me through this doubt and untrust. Forgive me Father for I am weak.
18.4.08
17.4.08
"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
~James 4:13-17
~James 4:13-17
7.4.08
last night was full of emo-ness.
after ranting long and hard to the big G... i got nothing back except silence.
frustration.
frustration over a relationship that slammed shut, though it never even began.
frustration over not knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing come september.
frustration over friendships that will be lost.
ultimately.
frustration over change and uncertainty.
but then he gave me a verse. Isaiah 48:21
"They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts;
he made water flow for them from the rock;
he split the rock
and water gushed out."
wow. that's powerful no? i close my eyes and try to picture it... water gushing forth out of rocks. absolutely unbelievable. but of course we can expect nothing less from our almighty Father. it reminded me that despite uncertainty, despite change, all will be okay in my Father's arms. For He was and is the Designer and Creator of this universe. He made water flow from rocks. He does the impossible and will always provide for those who love Him.
therefore.
frustration has lessoned.
although i must say, i'm still finding it hard to let go of him. I guess this is a test ... to learn not to hold onto things of this earth so tightly. to not place hopes in people but to only place our hopes in the one and only constant thing we can depend on here in this life. Jesus.
after ranting long and hard to the big G... i got nothing back except silence.
frustration.
frustration over a relationship that slammed shut, though it never even began.
frustration over not knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing come september.
frustration over friendships that will be lost.
ultimately.
frustration over change and uncertainty.
but then he gave me a verse. Isaiah 48:21
"They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts;
he made water flow for them from the rock;
he split the rock
and water gushed out."
wow. that's powerful no? i close my eyes and try to picture it... water gushing forth out of rocks. absolutely unbelievable. but of course we can expect nothing less from our almighty Father. it reminded me that despite uncertainty, despite change, all will be okay in my Father's arms. For He was and is the Designer and Creator of this universe. He made water flow from rocks. He does the impossible and will always provide for those who love Him.
therefore.
frustration has lessoned.
although i must say, i'm still finding it hard to let go of him. I guess this is a test ... to learn not to hold onto things of this earth so tightly. to not place hopes in people but to only place our hopes in the one and only constant thing we can depend on here in this life. Jesus.
2.4.08
tonight i went to city wide praise & worship here in Kingston before the kickoff of IWT (impact world tour)
wow. that's all i can say. so many thoughts so many revelations hit me tonight, that i must write these down lest i forget.
to see young and old, rich and poor, protestant and catholic ... to see ALL these people from all over kingston come and worship our God together - how beautiful a sight that is. I can't explain it in words... but looking out before me, i saw hands lifted high everywhere, i saw eyes gazing at the opened gates of heaven, i saw hearts blooming and ready to go FORTH to the missionfield!! God is working HERE and NOW no doubt about that. God is BIGGER, SO MUCH BIGGER than we could and can ever imagine. I feel so self-centered as a university student.. i feel that all of us studying here in Queen's, we're all so self-absorbed that we can't see how we fit into the bigger picture of this city... how we actually ARE a part of this town - although we are students, we still belong to this community, albeit for a short while. The talk around campus has been unity.. yet i feel i myself have been so blinded to the greater picture God has in front of us. The unity of our entire city, the unity of all the townships around Kingston, the unity of this province, the unity of this country. GOD is SO BIG! Just like he came and conquered cities within the old and new testaments, so He will come and conquer Kingston! He has made his claim on this city, and now we must go forth and do his work... not 4 months from now, but NOW, for the harvest is ripe!
Today they shared some stories that have already been happening throughout this campaign! They've visited 4 prisons and already 50 prisoners have responded to the alter call with tears and hands raised up in repentance. They also visited Senior homes and already 80-100 elderly people gave their lives up to Jesus! All this has been happening without us knowing. He truly does dance all around us without us ever really noticing.
We sang the song Holy is the Lord God Almighty. and the part where it says "Together we sing; everyone sing... " it really hit me hard. While we were singing this phrase, i opened my eyes and looked before me... and my heart truly SAW what these words meant! One day, this WHOLE WORLD will join together and declare that yes Holy IS the Lord God Almighty. It was just so amazing to sing TOGETHER these words... Christians in Kingston coming together and proclaiming that our God indeed does reign. Just as Jesus prayed for his disciples in John, so we are doing now... the Christians of Kingston are being united as one!
"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled. "I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified." - John 17:6-19
God can do HUGE things. we must DREAM BIG because our God is a BIG God. I remember someone in ccf saying this, but i remember reading it somewhere before I heard it in ccf... i think it may have been john piper... or matt redman? but ya, it's SO TRUE! We should Dream great dreams for God. We shouldn't dream small dreams, but Dream big dreams... dreams worthy of our big God! For it is not by power, nor by might, but by the SPIRIT of God who can do all things! And I see the big dream that many in Kingston have been praying over! The dream that Kingston will be claimed as the Lords' once and for all. That this city will unite together and become a holy city!
God will be doing great things, HUGE things, but are we ready to jump out of the boat in faith?
wow. that's all i can say. so many thoughts so many revelations hit me tonight, that i must write these down lest i forget.
to see young and old, rich and poor, protestant and catholic ... to see ALL these people from all over kingston come and worship our God together - how beautiful a sight that is. I can't explain it in words... but looking out before me, i saw hands lifted high everywhere, i saw eyes gazing at the opened gates of heaven, i saw hearts blooming and ready to go FORTH to the missionfield!! God is working HERE and NOW no doubt about that. God is BIGGER, SO MUCH BIGGER than we could and can ever imagine. I feel so self-centered as a university student.. i feel that all of us studying here in Queen's, we're all so self-absorbed that we can't see how we fit into the bigger picture of this city... how we actually ARE a part of this town - although we are students, we still belong to this community, albeit for a short while. The talk around campus has been unity.. yet i feel i myself have been so blinded to the greater picture God has in front of us. The unity of our entire city, the unity of all the townships around Kingston, the unity of this province, the unity of this country. GOD is SO BIG! Just like he came and conquered cities within the old and new testaments, so He will come and conquer Kingston! He has made his claim on this city, and now we must go forth and do his work... not 4 months from now, but NOW, for the harvest is ripe!
Today they shared some stories that have already been happening throughout this campaign! They've visited 4 prisons and already 50 prisoners have responded to the alter call with tears and hands raised up in repentance. They also visited Senior homes and already 80-100 elderly people gave their lives up to Jesus! All this has been happening without us knowing. He truly does dance all around us without us ever really noticing.
We sang the song Holy is the Lord God Almighty. and the part where it says "Together we sing; everyone sing... " it really hit me hard. While we were singing this phrase, i opened my eyes and looked before me... and my heart truly SAW what these words meant! One day, this WHOLE WORLD will join together and declare that yes Holy IS the Lord God Almighty. It was just so amazing to sing TOGETHER these words... Christians in Kingston coming together and proclaiming that our God indeed does reign. Just as Jesus prayed for his disciples in John, so we are doing now... the Christians of Kingston are being united as one!
"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled. "I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified." - John 17:6-19
God can do HUGE things. we must DREAM BIG because our God is a BIG God. I remember someone in ccf saying this, but i remember reading it somewhere before I heard it in ccf... i think it may have been john piper... or matt redman? but ya, it's SO TRUE! We should Dream great dreams for God. We shouldn't dream small dreams, but Dream big dreams... dreams worthy of our big God! For it is not by power, nor by might, but by the SPIRIT of God who can do all things! And I see the big dream that many in Kingston have been praying over! The dream that Kingston will be claimed as the Lords' once and for all. That this city will unite together and become a holy city!
God will be doing great things, HUGE things, but are we ready to jump out of the boat in faith?
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