Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself

Love your neighbour as yourself.

easier said than done.

earlier today, at the end of my morning jog, there were two old men by that wharf, maybe in their early 50s or late 40s. i believe they were homeless gentlemen, or lived in a shelter, carrying all their necessities on their backs. i was doing my devotions then, and one of them came up to me and asked for help. their radio wasn't working, and they wondered if i could fix it. so i tried, i really didn't mind at all. and after a lill while, it started working. then the guy (his name was Larry) went back to his friend. a few minutes later, his friend came up to me . now if i were a boy, i would have been less cautious.. but i started getting a bit creeped out. partly cuz i'm a girl, partly cuz these 2 guys honestly looked quite sketchy, and partly cuz i was in a pretty desolate area... so if i screamed there would be no one to hear me.

what especially triggered my worry? it was when the friend came up to me and said out of the blue that the guy named Larry had the "hots for me" . so alarm bells starting ringing, and i was freaking out inside. all i could think of was "GET OUT OF THERE QUICK" . Don't get into any trouble. RUN!

And then the friend introduced himself; he held his hand out to shake mine .. cuz well, its custom . and i honestly did not want to shake his hand. i hesitated for a split second, but i gave in afterwards. i mean, when you think about it, you'd be asking for more trouble if you took the other route. but the fact that i hesitated is saddening. something that stuck out in my mind was when the friend told me just before I left that they were good people, and that I had no reason to feel afraid or worried. this brought up 2 points in my head: (1) they could tell i was uncomfortable in that situation... so in other words, they knew i was judging them and making assumptions based on their appearances. (2) Jesus befriended the very least of us during his reign on Earth - meaning the beggars, the prostitutes, the lowest of the lows on the foodchain of mankind.

So if we are called to be like Jesus, if we are called to "love thy neighbor as thyself" why didn't i do it? i judged just like the Pharisees. there was no heart of understanding, compassion, or love. all i felt was fear, and all i wanted was to be done with them at the earliest possible moment. what kind of love am i showing there? ..it then got me thinking. what about charity? when we give to the poor --> wouldn't that action come from a heart of understanding, compassion and love? well, i say no. that sounds somewhat skeptical.. but charity is so incredibly impersonal. yes, you give to the poor, but you're not befriending them. you help them on more of a once-in-your-lifetime sort of deal - not expecting to ever see them again. but we're not called to do that. Jesus didn't do that. he's asking so much more from us. so much, that i doubt i can offer a portion of it.

if given this whole situation by the lake again, i'd do the exact same thing... or i might not have even gone there at all. i know my parents would definitely not have wanted me there; they probably don't ever want me jogging by myself anymore. it is one thing to show love ... but it is another to be naive to the point where you're endangering your own self. then the question still persists: what would Jesus do? and does that apply to my situation? especially seeing as he was a man, and i am still a girl. did i dissapoint my father in heaven today? i think i did. i know i did.

so my prayer is this: Lord teach me to love as you have loved. Allow me to be the salt and light of this world as you have called your people to be. Let me not be afraid, for you are with me, and you will protect me. Lord give me the strength and courage to see beyond the surface straight to the heart that is yearning for you. I pray all these things in your Son's most precious name, Amen.

데이지

My favourite flower: 데이지

i heart you music

i love music. i plain and simply love it. when you hear an earth shattering chord progression along with heart wrenching lyrics, your whole soul and being just soars above absolutely everything. its as if you're lifted up into the clouds of gravity defying heights. and you reach a euphoric peak where every thought, every thing, everyone just melts away. Music is the key to the lock of chains tying all of us down to Earth. Music unleashes the soul and frees the spirit.

some people say that Christians can only worship God in songs of praise only and only if there are lyrics. for without lyrics, there is nothing connecting the song to God. I disagree wholeheartedly. Music is a gift from God. that we are able to make beautiful (or even not so beautiful) sounds from within our body is a miracle in itself. if anything, i witness God's greatness when i hear classical music. many composers were religious. Take J.S. Bach for example who was a grounded Lutheran. He clearly saw God and was able to write what I think are God-inspired works of art. take his brandenburg concertos, or even the well-tempered clavier - there is such intellectual depth and artistic beauty that is almost divine. Same with Beethoven. At the age of 30, his hearing began to become impaired. imagine. he was unable to hear his own creations, he couldn't hear the chirping of birds or the rustling wind through trees. he heard nothing. silence. yet through all this time of trial he never ceased composing. Even on his death-bed he sketched a new symphony. from his Late piano sonatas to his 9th and last symphony mankind has witnessed his genius. a genius no man could ever tap. why? it was because in silence he had faith in God, and continued to compose in the midst of growing doubt. i truly believe Beethoven's greatest works were near the end of his life. this was when he began to see clearly through the originally fuzzy lens. he began to witness firsthand God's true glory. and it is this glory that he portrays in his music. no words can describe the beauty, the depth, the passion, the love, and the hope that is written in those seemingly lifeless black dots and lines on some flimsy manuscript paper.

music reaches the deepest pits of our very being. music is God's gift. it is his arms extending down to us, embracing us, speaking to us. music is the greatest gift we could ever ask for. . and i love music .

mush talk

there is no stronger earthly bond than family.

Thank you Daddy - You've always been my wall, supporting me, most of the times without my knowing.

Thank you Mommy - you're my emotional outlet; not only that you really are my best friend :)

Thank you Michael - i'm too dependant on you michael; you've always guided me in life. you've always encouraged me to strive for the best, to go for my dreams

Thank you David - whether you know it or not, you've taught me so much about life in general, about growing up, becoming an adult, and most of all you've taught me to never give up when things aren't going my way


and then there's one last member of our family :) the most important member of course:

Thank you GOD! - you hold this family within the palm of your hand. you've seen all of us through thick and thin. you've carried us through all sorrow and through all joy. Thank you God for being our ultimate father, our everlasting ruler and our all-knowing guide

i feel the walls closing in. i can't breathe anymore. it hurts just thinking about the past, the present, and the future. i can't see anything or focus.. all i see is a blank abyss of nothingness and hopelessness. is this my calling. God whats your plan for me? am i to go about it the tough route? it just hurts . it hurts so much. i feel disillusioned that all this really isn't happening. God, i know i must trust in you at all times and you will make my paths straight, but Lord, i can't help but feel torn away and abandoned. where are you? can't you just pick me up and push me along? and if you are, why can't i feel it? so i still float in these neverending, neverbeginning waters ... stagnant, placid, unmoving.. waiting.. just waiting ..

you're here

Somewhere in the silence I can hear your broken voice
Like a radio station fading out of range
Somewhere in the crowd from the corner of my eye
I thought that I could feel you walking by
And when I get this feeling like I am not so strong
I still can feel you with me
You've been there all along

Happy Mommy's Day

She is more than the beauty you see,
Unbelievable depths under her quiet dignity.

She is powerful, opinionated and firey,
She has always had the power to inspire me.

She exudes a calm like no one else I know,
Until the dam breaks and the raw emotions flow.

She is a teacher, a confidante, a friend like no other,
She is even greater than all these,

She is My Mother.

Happy Mother's Day Mommy ~