so i've been sick these past few days... and it kinda sucks... well.. really sucks.
yesterday, i just couldn't stop coughing. my abs hurt so much. with each cough i dread how they are gonna hurt even more. this whole week, i've been feeling so weak.. mentally and physically. i'm just so drained from everything.. . but ... today is looking a bit better :)

i love my house.
last night i had the hardest time getting to sleep. i just couldn't stop coughing enough to lay my head to rest. i think i must've been coughing a lot, cuz i remember through my semi-consciousness that carolyn came into my room and started rubbing my back as i was coughing. and then there was viv who got me some real medicine, which actually worked! thank you :) and finally when i woke up today. i just felt like crap all over and i was ready to go to class and all. but joycie came downstairs and made me a hot cup of her lemon honey thing and then told me to go back to sleep right after. so i did! and i woke up now...12:26pm!! wow, i slept almost 12 hours . guess i really did need the sleep. i feel a lot better now. i'm still coughing a lot, my abs still hurt, my nose is still stuffed, and the sneezing is still endless... but mentally i'm doing better.. i don't feel like this blanket is still weighing my head down... i don't feel paralyzed. but ya, so i opened my gmail only to find that my 3 hour seminar class which i really dreaded going to was cancelled!! thank you GOD! i hate coughing in class. cuz even though you go to class, you're concentrating so hard on NOT coughing that you're not really listening to the teacher .. but yay, no class!

ok i'm gonna start my day now! hmm, maybe i shall make me some more of that honey lemon stuff :) yumm...

Prayer Request:
1. i had such an unsettling phone call last night.. not to mention major stomach cramps to top it off. it was as if my stomach felt the same way my mind was feeling. pain. why am i here? i'm here to study. but more importantly, i'm here to learn and to grow in ALL aspects of my life. but of course as usual, you both are always so much wiser than i. what do i do? please pray for my life. for direction. God, please help me clear this path i'm walking on. please help me look beyond all this uncertainty to the certainty of You... help me see the bigger picture of it all
Praise Report:
1. God you are so incredibly awesome! you've exceeded my prayers. i knew throughout it all you'd provide, i just didn't know you'd provide so quickly and so perfectly. so thank you a million times over for your faithfulness to KCAC.

2. Pastor Lo is too cool for words! He came by today to drop off moon cake!!! so clearly I'm a very happy girl today :)

3. thank you my dear friend for last night. for your prayer. you said some things i needed to hear...

i feel so broken at times. i feel like i don't know anything... and the fact that i'm so clueless forces me to trust you even more. its hard. its really hard. everything is just hard. and i wonder why its so hard for me. i just wish you'd come down now and take me to the place where you are.

please.

God, you are a faithful God. I know you always answer those who seek your face and so I am confident that you will provide workers for kcac. God won't you please impress on the congregation's hearts that this church is a living and breathing entity which is built upon and supported by EVERY SINGLE person who attends that church! just as the ligaments are present to support each and every bone of the body, so is each person who sits down in the church. WE are the church! NOT pastor Lo, not the leaders, but every person that walks in that door. We are not called to be bench-warmers; we are not called to come sunday after sunday without actively taking part in the body of Christ. at times i find myself disheartened at the lack of passion and fire. at times i just wish you would come down and shake our generation to the core! that you would shake us so hard we would be fearful to disobey your will. just like your parable of the talents. Lord, that we would not put our talents to waste, but we would use EVERYTHING you give us for your glory. may we not be that worthless servant you throw outside, into the darkness, where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth.. but that we would do your will. why do we think so rationally when it comes to you? why are we so hesitant to serve you? why are we so wary to give you our time, our talent, our all. For a God who demands our TOTALITY in worship, who has ordered us to give up EVERYTHING to take up your cross... why do we think twice for you? forgive me Father, for not putting as much faith in you as I should have. Yes, I am disheartened.. but Lord I pray that you would send encouragement, that you would work in peoples' hearts TODAY and speak to them. let the sleeping hearts be awakened, and may we all arise and bring glory to your name.

Perfect Love

Do not fear (B)
Do not be weary (G#m)
For I will comfort you. (E F#)
Just keep on moving (B)
Keep on living (G#m)
For I will be here always. (E F#)
and when the dark clouds come and surround you in this life (E F#)
When it looks like hope is such a distant sight (G#m F#)
Please remember (G#m F# E)
Just remember (G#m F# E)

In perfect love there is no fear (B E G#m F#)
and my saving grace will draw you near (B E G#m F#)
and I will let my glory shine in you (B E G#m F#)
For my love, my love, my love (C#m B F#)
will be made complete in you. (E F# G#m)

1 John 4:12-18

I’m scared…
But there’s no room for fear in faith.
Keep walking, keep pushing, keep loving and living for Him and only Him.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:16-18

Stop living in fear. Stop living in doubt. For our chains were set free the moment Christ championed our hearts.