yesterday, i experienced what it meant to be part of the family of God
no matter what age, no matter what past, no matter who you are, you are accepted because we are all family, we are all one in the bond of His love. thank you for taking me in dear aunties. its so sad that i've always been so busy in the past not to notice what beautiful gems you are; how you both truly shine the light of our Lord. thank you.

at times i forget what my actions can mean to someone else. at times i forget that people have feelings. i know that sounds silly, but its true. I never once stop to think how others feel when i 'cop out' . i figure they have other things to do, not like their plans are contingent on mine.. i forget that everything i do has an impact on everyone else. i forget that i carry around God's name with every action, every word, every thought, every 'no-show' that i do ...

let your yes be yes and your no be no.

forgive me father for not being obedient to your word.

help me turn away from my old ways

torn away

you slip through the cracks
unnoticed
unwanted
uncared for.

gravity takes hold of you.
you fall
through that dark all-too-familiar hole
jagged and endless

closing your eyes
you cling to a thought
any thought.
something that will take your mind away
from the towering truth
the inevitable unrelenting truth.

you are falling
alone.

something catches at your feet,
a glimmer of hope streaming through
you look back
only to hear the mocking laughter.

emptiness.

embrace the cold.
embrace the nothing.

but.
you stop fighting
fists no longer clenched
eyes no longer shut
heart no longer closed.
it is now when you let go

you begin.
to feel the gentle warmth
dancing on your face
caressing each darkened contour

you begin,
to smell the sweet aroma
of familiarity teasing your senses
beckoning acknowledgment

you begin
to hear the lulling song
wrapping you in notes of love
twirling in and out

finally
you see

arms enfolding you
taking you in
lifting you up
you were blind to the strength that was not your own
to the love that held you
utterly.

for you are
utterly loved.

not for what you've done
not for who you think you are
not for anything
but simply

you are loved.
don't cry sweet girl.
you were never falling
you were never alone

for I was and will always be here.

love.

we don't choose to love, we just love. God uses man to reveal to us a picture of what love means. we catch glimpses of it from those around us.

I think the greatest lesson anyone can ever teach you is the demonstration of what love means, of what sacrificial, enduring, and patient love truly is. Love hears the unspoken words, it understands the struggling heart, and continues to believe even when you yourself have given up. Throughout my life God has shown me that love comes in all shapes and sizes. From the newborn baby who utterly puts their trust in you, to the friend who bears her soul and breaks down with you, to the parents who are constantly supporting you even when you thought they disappeared, even to the grandmas and grandpas of the church family who take you in no questions asked. All these things which make you glow inside, all these things which were done without a second thought, all these things acted out of love.

Yesterday I was able to spend some time alone. I love sitting by the lake, breathing in the fragrant air, hearing the laughter of kids playing around me, the chirping of birds quarreling over a piece of fruit, feeling the slight breeze dancing over your body and weaving through your hair. You look up to see the great expanse of blue sky, you look out to see the shimmering diamond waters, you look down to see the playful green grass waving with the wind. and through all this beauty you let go of yourself. through all this beauty you surrender. you open yourself up and allow yourself to be taken over. where you can hear the unspoken words poking its way into your heart, where you are wrapped in His arms of love. the hardest thing for me is giving up control. of letting you in. i want you to come in. its just hard. but thank you for reminding me that I am a beloved child of yours. Teach me to love as I have been loved. to look beyond the glassy eyes, to hear the unspoken words, to understand where others are coming from. to love not just for the sake of loving, but to love because YOU are love and YOU are in me.

let me overflow.

...love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...

how beautiful that Paul would sum it up as perfectly and simply as that.

so far, this past summer, i haven't moved an inch.

i've been... standing here on the sidewalk, refusing to step out onto the street.
all because of the fear i thought i settled a year ago.
... really its not a fear. its just... i can't place it. i think a part of me has become kinda down and oblivious not to mention complacent.

i need to realize that feelings are fickle.. i think i've come to a greater understanding of that now moreso than before. i know that through it all, truth stands, his Word stands. i just got lost in everything else.. i lost focus. i lost trust. just as pastor lo mentioned this week, i need to go to Him FIRST, not my devised plans, not thinking through the practicalities in my head before executing anything... but even before sitting down and getting started... i need to start with prayer! .... .. i just need a push to get me going again because i've been standing still for too long now. and i think i got that push. ... funny it was from the person i least expected... from david. thank you. i don't know how you did it without even knowing what i was thinking... but you re-lit this fire in me.


...

you who have been my shoulder to lean on...i'm really going to miss you when you leave. this past summer especially... i've been such a crybaby. which is funny . cuz i never cry. i never let things get to me.. or i never think about things long enough to understand the full depth of emotion it can release. its as if i have a blocker in my head to stop me from opening pandora's box, to stop me from feeling sadness. yet out of everyone in my life.. you've been the only one who has managed to open that box. ... its been nice just being able to sit next to you without even exchanging a single word.. yet feeling at peace .. because you already understand everything in my head and my heart.

...
anyways... i'm tired of drifting from day to day without ever moving forward. i'm tired of this complacency.. its driving me up the wall.
..but i am determined to keep on walking forward. Lord God, please help me. you know i'm a weak one.. you know i can be so easily hurt.. help me to cling onto you as you walk forward for the both of us..

i love you.
you'll never know just how much you mean to me..
i know things never happen by chance. our paths crossed for a reason. i don't know why, but all i know is that i need you. you're the sister i always wished i could have..
even if you don't love you yet, know that for now, i'll love you for the both of us :)

I'm praying for you.
constantly.

God has huge plans for me and you.

We should expect great things because we believe and have faith in a great God.



The moment we lower our expectations, the moment we settle for less, we are in fact telling God to his face that we don't believe in His power and His strength. Now the real struggle is transmitting this head knowledge into practical application for life. Sure, it's easy enough to say "I expect great things because I have faith in a great God" but do we really mean what we say? ...do I really mean what I say? how sad that we'd lack faith in such a faithful Father, but its good to remember faith is all or nothing. at times it gets tough, but nonetheless, it is always there because the moment we accepted Jesus into our lives, the spirit descended and made its home upon us, helping us along when we ourselves are too weak to go any further. So yes, I believe in great things because I have a great Father. I know at times this belief wavers, I've experienced how the roots of my faith can be so shallow to be toppled by the slightest wind, but with time the roots grow until we become a deeply rooted tree. however this can only happen if we nurture ourselves through prayer, fasting, and reading & internally digesting His written word. Because it is through these things that we are reminded that our God truly is a Faithful God, a merciful Father, and our beloved Creator.

But just as Pastor Lo mentioned a couple sundays ago, if you can't even show faith and trust in the little things God gives you, then how can he use you for even greater things? So really, if you expect great things, then prove you can handle them by preparing yourself and living a life that is honourable, righteous and blameless among man and with God. Become that person you've always wanted to be. The secular world states that change is nearly impossible, but God is beyond the impossible. So believe, change, and see the fruits God will bring forth in your lives.

Lord, I believe. I believe in You because you are Great, You are Faithful, and you are eternal

it seems so simple.. and it is.

live a life that glorifies God.

in all we do, glorify Him, whether it be through our work, hobbies, relationships, friendships, the things we say, the actions we do, our character, even our mindless errands. its all for His glory.

yes, life is complicated. life is windy and uncertain. you can never see around the corner, but despite all this, despite the entangled mess that is life, it's so simple. it's always simple.

God loves us. therefore we love God.

that's it. that's all you ever need to know and all you ever need to do in life.





...Lord, I yearn for you more than ever...

why are parents always so wise.

i remember when i was younger, all the things they'd say would fly right through my head. i'd absentmindedly say "yes" or "i know" when in fact, i had no clue what they meant behind the words they said. now, everytime i talk to them, i'm astounded as to how much depth of wisdom can be transferred in a simple statement. i never realized there'd be more to what they'd say than just the surface meaning, that i'd have to grasp a deeper understanding beneath the words... i listen, and i reflect on my own life, and then i wonder... when i'm older, will i ever be as wise as them? i hope so...

:) i told them to write all their words of wisdom into a book of some sort... they should publish it one of these days lol...

i love you God.
more than words can ever say.

you found me in darkness,
and brought me into light.

you held my hand as I was falling,
you smoothed my rough edges until they were all gone.

you showed me what love meant,
and taught me how to love again.

... i love you God...

with all my heart.