in midst of all this studying its so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture...
*sigh
but thank you friend for all your encouragement :)
Father how I pray you'd consume the entirety of my mind and heart and soul (!)

It's final, I'm here for good, err... at least for a while now.

rejection is never easy to hear. a part of you wonders and doubts yourself and who you are as a person and whether or not you're 'good' enough. and you begin to think to yourself, what's wrong with me? why her, why him, yet why not me? all these questions swirl in your head and for a moment its easy to give in to thinking that perhaps I'm not good enough, perhaps i'll never be good enough. and before you take notice, these thoughts start eating away at you, and so you stomp your foot down in retaliation to stop these thoughts from flowing in.


I am who He made me to be. (even in all i lack)
I am where He wanted me to be. (even though my heart aches to be home)
I am doing what He wanted me to do. (even though I'm struggling to stay afloat)

and so, praise be to God, Creator & Maker of all things, who knows and sees and wills all things into being.

5 days left.

I haven't been allowing myself to think about the possibility of leaving here. But there are moments that come and go, where I yearn so deeply to go back. Yet at the same time, I've slowly but surely (and with much initial inner hesitation) allowed myself to let my roots grow deeper and deeper here. I close my eyes and see two different roads before me, each leading away from each other. But I look a bit further and am at peace knowing that although these roads may diverge at this point in my life, they will meet up again. For although location may or may not change, that doesn't change the Lord's plan for my life. For it is Him who leads me on this path of life. Even though I may not know what tomorrow brings, it is He who has been and will always be my guide, who will keep me from falling and keep me close to His heart so that surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of my days. What a comforting promise indeed! :)

Yesterday, a friend from Queen's who's doing YWAM training in the goldcoast, came to visit Eleasa and I up here in Brisbane. It was wonderful seeing him - my face completely lit up and a whole flood of memories from my kingston days resurfaced again. Hearing all his stories and seeing how God has been working through him and revealing himself so clearly to him greatly encouraged me. I was reminded yet again that our God is the GREAT God from ages past, who is who He is, able to do all things miraculous and wonderful, whose mighty power was not just a thing of the past, but rather He is God with us, working to this day to make His presence known and bring glory to His name. :) How awesome!