He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ. - 2Cor.5:15

we died to ourselves..to be born in Him. everything we do, everything we seek, its all... its ALL in his name. so now i just have to get that through my thick head. i say i give it up to him.. but how much do i mean it? i dunno. .

its like i'm hiding behind a glass mirror. and this glass world is shattering before my very eyes. i'm falling. .. .. .. escapism. stupidity. lies. suffocation. i want to help. but how can i help when i can't even help myself. it just hurts thinking about everything thats happening to everyone around me.. to everything thats happening to me... my friends.. my family.. how did you know something was wrong? something more than meets the eye. cuz you were right. each breath feels like my last. hyperventilation. its as if the list keeps on piling up one by one. and i'm alone. i cry out to you God. do you hear? yes you do.. you always have. i cry out for mercy. Lord, please deliver me from this. i'm so fragile Lord. . my roots feel so shallow.. bit by bit, i feel your peace overcome me.. I pray for peace and you've granted me that ever so slowly but surely. how come i can't open up? why do i bottle things up? why do i stand alone on this tiny island all by myself.. why do i keep on rejecting friends who are trying to be there for me... no words come out when i open my mouth.. i don't know if you'll understand.. i just don't even want to speak. honestly its just good enough that i know you're there for me.. i hate that through this all, i've become so weak.. that i've escaped by other means. what am i doing? WHAT am i doing?! its like i escape from my worries.. from my doubts.. from my life.. by entering and immersing myself in yours.. everyone else's except mine. God. have mercy please? i don't want to be that girl trapped behind the mirror ...