almost there.

I can see the light. my last exam is peeking just around the corner! I'm almost there; can't wait to be home. I need to see family again, I need to see my home church again. I feel like such a baby being so homesick, ooh , just a bit more.

So, this was what my week has been like thus far (exam-wise):
monday = anatomy 215
tuesday = biology 205
wednesday = linear alg 111
friday (tomorrow) = organic chem 281

disgusting? I agree. But like i said, i'm almost DONE! Despite my homesickness, there's still a part of me that wants to stay in kingston. Oh, I've been sucked into loving those highschoolers. Joycie why? lol! we're getting together tomorrow just after my orgo exam, and just before my bus ticket outta here. Its gonna be such a fun nite, gift exchange, fajitas, games games games! I had NO idea what to get DanielO, but ended up sticking with what he requested ==> sour candies. yup, how unoriginal, how boring. but hey, i got an excuse! had no time to shop or to think of an interesting gift, .. joycie even BOUGHT his gift for me! thats how crunched for time i've been lately.

...

throughout this stressful week, i've discovered 2 really cool bands!
1) Death cab for Cutie
2) Kutless

i think i'm really likin emo these days. Dean got me hooked! one song i recommend from death cab :: title & registration <-- i guarantee you'll like it if you're into something subtle & laidback. Now Kutless, they're a christian band, sorta like ReliantK, so in other words, they're AMAZING! I'd classify them as a sorta "rebopunk-gone-good" group (lol if that makes sense). Song for recommendation :: Treason <-- listen.

be still

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

Life is always changing, the world is always moving, but you are CONSTANT!
Teach me to slow everything around me; teach me to be still in your presence

my weekend

Yesterday, I took a long break from this world. It was beautiful having time spent with you God. much needed one on one time. Thank you for renewing my spirit. There are times when I wish I could fastforward life to about 10 years from now, to the time (i believe) everything will be more or less settled in my life.. i.e. i'll have a job, and just maybe i'll have started a family. But when i think about it more and more, life is so precious! Its truly a wonderful gift from God. To take in the delicious smell of autumn; to feel the tingly cold sensation of frost on our skin; to feast our eyes on a magnificent awe-inspiring soul-filling sunset... and to think this beauty is just a mere shadow in comparison to you. I'm blown away!


I want to share a probably insignificant story.. but to me its just further proof of God's divinity!
...
Last night, after House council (which lasted till 2am!) I came home and noticed a book on my shelf. It was one of my brother's: "The case for faith" . I've always heard people quote or use information from this book, but never got around to reading it. So I decided I'd start last night, despite it being late and all, and despite my being very drained from the day. If anyone knows me, they'd know that I have such a difficult time waking up because i always turn off my alarm clock when i sleep! But I really wanted to read, so I released the worry of waking up and left it up to God. I ended up sleeping a bit before 4am.. (normally, i'd be doomed to sleep in) ... but of course, lo and behold, the next morning Joyce calls me out of the blue at 7:40am. She had a dream apparently (where she needed her passport), and woke up all of a sudden to call me. Passport or not, she called! and because of that call, I woke up for worship practice! So thank you Joyce and Thank you God for taking care of me :)


Happy Birthday Mary-Clair!!
L-->R: Nikki, Mary-Clair, me & Vivian!

I feel so tired.
Renew me.
Please.

home is where the heart is

i don't know why.. but i've been missing home so much these days. I miss michael. i miss david. I miss mommy and daddy. Its weird, i never felt this way in 1st year.. but these days, all I can think about is HOME. this past summer, i must've complained a lot.. but when i think about it, i had an awesome summer! why? well mainly cuz i got to see my family.

I'm so excited i FINALLY got a phone plan though. Unlimited long distance across canada! OHHH YEAH :) I'm even more excited about going home this christmas! I feel like such a kid again.

...

Today at bible study, we talked about Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42. I relate to Martha so much unfortunately. Just like her, i get bogged down by the little things.. i feel so much pressure though. So many ppl count on me, or rather expect things from me.. i'm finding it harder and harder to deliver. I yearn to be more like Mary - to allow Him to take control of my life, and subsequently all my unfounded worries.

God, teach me to look beyond this world, to things that truly matter, to things that are beautiful and everlasting.
amen.

Anything BUT the Bunnies!!!

Just the other day when i was coming home from UVic, i saw ROADKILL!! Now, in Kingston, its a bit different, cuz despite how i do like fuzzy lill animals, squirrels aren't exactly the cutest of fuzzy creatures. Bunnies on the other hand! Oh they just melt your heart cuz they're so incredibly adorable! Don't you just wanna pick em up and hug em and kiss em! Cute cute cute cute! If you like bunnies, you should definitely come out to Victoria! I mean, they're EVERYWHERE on campus here (kinda like the equivalent of squirrels at queens). Anyways, turning round the corner to exit I saw a bunny just layin there on the road. It was a white bunny with brown splotches, fairly well-fed and round, had the bushiest fluffiest pompom of a tail you could ever imagine, and it just laid there, plopped in the middle of the road with his legs sprawled out like lill tree stumps. How could anyone just run down a bunny like that? If it were me and i had the choice to either (1) Stop, let the bunny run across, but in the process get hit by the car behind me... or (2) Run down that bunny like no tomorrow.. well OF COURSE i'd pick One! I mean we're talking BUNNIES here! Not Squirrels!

ok, enough bout bunnies.. but it really was a CUTE bunny! the cutest of the cutest if you ask me! I would've named him Freddypoo. well, anyways.. right now I'm stuck here in the basement of UVic chem building waiting for my samples to finish analyzing.. and listening to HORRIBLE music! Theres only one radio here from the 60s i swear! and the only station is the UVic station. but i gotta say, its at least better than the queens station! ahh. actually maybe not.. I tell ya though, its just WRONG being in here this late! I mean its almost 9pm! But then again, i shouldn't complain, cuz there are those who stay here till the early hours of morn waiting for their reactions to complete! ouch i say

Oh Look at that!! the spectra's complete! i guess i'm outta here now . But before i go, just remember, if ever you see a lil bunny crossin the street STOP! that is all.

taking care of business?

I always have mixed feelings whenever i hear ppl say "God will take care of everything". Of course i know God gives us strength, but is it right to rely on Him to the extent that we forget to do our part? I mean ya we could put in our 10% and hope for dear life he will literally fight our battles for us.. but NO! Life isn't like that! .. now why am i rambling on like this? Cuz I hate how i've fallen victim to that phrase most of my life! I've been too passive and too comfortable about life. maybe i've been too high in the clouds to realize the reality of things. i've just been doing a lot of thinking these days.. and its not enough to give even 50% and leave the other half to God! We have to give it our 100% cuz its us and not God who does the work here on earth. I'm not even sure what i'm saying is making sense to you.. but it's crystal clear to me right now. I'm just scared of what will happen if i really do giv it my all in life.. will it turn out to be what i expected?

missing Queen's

The second i stepped off the plane, i remembered just why i loved victoria so much -- cuz there's GREEN EVERYWHERE! plus, ppl are hardcore recyclers here - and are FAR more conscientious about their environment (i.e. no stapling things on trees! sheesh! who in their right mind has the NERVE to do that! .. oh ya.. ontario ppl do) :P

I've sorta settled down in Victoria now. I gotta say I really am glad to be back, but i miss queen's people a LOT! I feel like I'm leading two different lives or something.. oh but i do luv my friends here, and its great seeing my parents again! I've been out every day since i got back.. had coffee with some highschool teachers, visited the old hangout places, got a new haircut (no longer look like i'm 5 years old lol!) -- and now i'm ready to take on summer!

Basically, these next 2 weeks are gonna be fourteen whole Fundays (unfortunately without the claps though :( ... next week, i'm off to some kinda cruise which i'm reluctantly obligated to go to .. i dunno, i just think its a waste of time & money if you ask me... will prolly hang out with a book and read.. i'll tell you how it goes

more of you...

i've always regarded myself as a nocturnal being! Anyone who knows me can attest to my being a log when i sleep and thus it being impossible for me to get up in the mornin (unless you kick me off the bed.. thnx twin)

i'd usually wakeup early in the afternoon..but lately i've been waking up at the oddest hours, sometimes when the sun hasn't even risen yet.. its weird, even though i've been averaging about 5 hours of sleep per night, i feel completely and utterly rested when i awake! .and of course its God giving me this strength to wake up.. however i'm hoping that even after exams are finished i'll be able to wake up early and spend more time on him and less on myself..

I remember back in highschool there was a period when i'd wake up early everyday for prayer and devotions..but coming here it died down drastically! I miss it. I miss just talking to you Lord hours on end about everything and nothing. Its absolutely true what Pastor Lo said this Sunday -- our prayers have become self-centered, or at least mine have. I'm either praying for myself or others, never for the sake of just talking to you..

in the past, i've always set aside one day every semester devoted to you in solitude - just for prayer, meditation, and worship.. i want to do it again before i leave for home....

You are My King

You are my King and I love You
You are my King and I worship You
Kneeling before You now
All of my life, I gladly give to You
Placing my hopes and dreams in Your hands
I give my heart to You
I love You, love You, Jesus
Yes I love You, love You
Jesus my King

thank you for a new day Lord, and thank you for giving me this life here on Earth. Be with me today like always

.....

Ever feel like you're completely helpless? like there's so much going wrong around you, but it seems like everything you say or try to do makes things even worse. I hate how this world is so corrupt, and I hate how people try to tear you down. How can people be so cruel and heartless?

I just wish I had the words to say during the moment. I want to be here for you. You let me laugh with you.. now let me cry with you too. I'm here for you.....

Breathe

I'm becoming cross-eyed reading and re-reading psyc. I think my head's about to explode any second. I just want to write this exam now and be over with it! But ya, today i was stuck in my room for the most part. So when i finally dragged myself out for a late late afternoon lunch (sorry kevin), I was blinded by the sun. Its funny how I'm so easily quieted down by the littlest things. Let me describe it: the whole street was empty, only the wind blowing and rustling through the leaves, the sun's rays were so warming right to the core, and the air - it made you just shiver at how wonderful it felt to be ALIVE and breathe it all in! It was like *BAM* - all those thoughts running around in my head earlier suddenly stopped and all was quiet.

Why does nature have such an empowering effect on us? Why does it move us so? oh yes, cuz God created it - its merely a shadow of how brilliant and beautiful our creator truly is!!

grace is blogging?

I remember telling myself that I'd never have an online journal or anything of that sort. So why the change all of a sudden? Well, i guess this is for myself more than anything else. Just to clear my mind, reflect on things around me, and to look back a few years from now or even a few days and see how much God has worked in my life! Besides those few visitors who by chance stumble across this blog, these random thoughts are just between me and well, me i guess.

It's weird! I mean, i'm in the midst of exams and here i am starting up a blog. I guess I just want to lift up this year to God and thank him for revealing his presence to me daily. God, you never fail to amaze me ~ you've carried me my whole life and without you I am nothing. You've showed your kindness and answered my prayers this year. I was scared about coming to Queen's .. i mean, i was worried about making friends, finding a church i could call 'home', doing well in school, and the list goes on! But, wow God, you've helped me through it all. I absolutely LOVE KCAC! I love walking through those front doors and entering the sanctuary, and i love the people you've put in that church. Every single person in that fellowship has nurtured my faith and guided me towards a straighter and clearer path. Oh Lord, i thank you for the friends you've given me here! Especially Joycie God! I don't think she'll ever know just how much I really do love her. She's not only a friend and sister, she's also someone i look up to in so many ways.

i think I'll leave it at that for now, but i'll continue on rambling another day. okay, now it's study time!

So.. final thought? God, you are an awesome God and i thank you for all the people you've put in my life. you've answered my prayers BEYOND what i expected Lord