You are my Lord

Lord wipe away all my fear and doubt. (C#m B)
It’s weighing me down, and its fogging the view, (C#m A)
I just want to see You. (B)

Empower me Lord, strengthen this heart, (E B)
So I can close my eyes, let go of this world, (G#/E A)
And fall back unto You. (B)

I give my life to You (E)
I put all my trust in You (B)
‘Cuz Jesus You are my Lord (G#/E A)
I will walk through fiery flames (E)
Even run on stormy waves (B)
‘Cuz Jesus You are my Lord (G#/E A)

Where you call, I will go. (C#m B)
Whatever you ask, I will do. (E A)
Yes, I’ll take heed to your word. (C#m B)
Lord I’m following You. (E A)

:)

i'm content.

:)

creationism.

"The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned." - 1Cor2:14

Is this me? am i the one without Spirit. A while ago, I had a talk with a friend, and it was so enlightening, yet i look back now and think, why was I so incredibly hesitant to believe? At first I wouldn't, I didn't accept it at face value, but kept on questioning, kept on.. doubting the TRUTH! Am I one without the Spirit who doesn't accept the things from the Spirit? Creationism. Up till I dunno, when i was in gr.5 or 6, i DID believe in Creationism. then i remember when i hit the age of thinking and doubt.. and how it was 'smart' to be skeptical, to be realistic, but in essence what i did was compromise my beliefs ... thinking all along that I was just explaining creationism in a different way.. when in fact, i was wrong. so wrong. the world WAS created in 6 days. Not six periods, not six eras, plain and simply six 24-hour long days! How do I know this? well, death only happens because of sin. So how, HOW can there be evolution if there was no death? How can there be death in paradise? only AFTER man had fallen was there death, and subsequently MICROevolution.. none of this Ape & Man both coming from some unknown man/ape ancestor. I was talking with my mom last night, and I told her my newfound belief.. and it was so strange, she wasn't at all phased by this. She'd been brought up and had always accepted that the world, the universe was created in six ACTUAL days. . and it made me feel so silly.. that i couldn't just believe like my mom.. but needed proof. i needed evidence. how stupid is that, when the word itself is INFALLIBLE!! thanks for lending me those dvds eh? They've answered a lot of questions and more importantly put a scientific spin on things, BUT through 'biblical glasses' .. i.e. explaining the wonders BASED on the bible.. not the bible based on 'scientific evidence'
//

poor little ones..

bacteria, viruses, and the sorts are like the underdogs in the cellular world of life. they're just little, tiny country bumpkins from the middle of nowhere in Saskatchewan trying to make a living and a life in the big flashy metropolitan Toronto. i mean look at that immunoglobulin above! that's some scary stuff! and of course they're aim in life is to make sure those little country bumpkins never live to see another day. oh how sad.

ah, it's early, my mind hurts from all this microbiology shoved into it.

its all good

i'm ok.
it's weird, walking home today after senate, i was thinking to myself that I'm so glad God is finally FINALLY teaching me a lesson on self-control. this was something i've prayed for in the past.. and here's my opportunity. as someone told me, baby steps. but today, was one huge step. i'm ok. i'm seriously ok . and its cool not having to worry about it. i just pray God will keep me strong, and that i will continue to have my eyes focused only on Him. it feels like the moment i look back, the moment i lose focus, i'll fall . its like when you stretch your quads. they always tell you to focus your eyes on one spot, and stare. the moment you look around, the moment your eyes start wandering off, you lose balance and fall. it would seem life is just one long quad stretch eh? but thankfully, its good knowing that if our eyes start wandering, he'll be there to break the fall.. i just don't want to disappoint Him though.. grant me your strength O Lord, that I may walk by faith, having eyes only for you.

thank you uncle

before coming to queen's.. before thinking through all the logistics.. before getting any feedback or opinions from my family or anyone else.. i wanted to be a doctor. when i was younger, i thought it was God's will for me to be a doctor who did mission work. yet somehow... i don't know when.. bit by bit, i was blinded along the way. i lost sight of what i was here to do. i got scared thinking i couldn't achieve that goal.. i lacked faith in the power of God carrying me through...not only that, but i got attached to the world here in canada.. started making plans and setting hopes in my head as to where i'd live, what i'd do, the future with the picket fence, 3 kids, and a dog. but i didn't want this when i first came to queen's.. and after being reminded by Joyce's Dad today at church... i don't think i want this illusion i built up in my head. life is just so much more. what happened to me? how did i become so materialistic, so self-centered, so prideful and assuming... when did this happen? i wasn't like this at all 3 years ago.. is it cuz i've matured and become realistic about life so to say? thats probably what my family would tell me.. i think they'd frown upon me being a full-time missionary... and i do understand why. just cuz it'd be so hard.. so hard for me.. and if i had a family.. what then? thats where faith comes in. but then, what about part-time missions? would i be satisfied with just that?

first things first.. i will grow as a Disciple of Christ through being diligent in reading His Word, i will prepare the path of doing missions with a purpose and a skill by studying hard in school and getting into medicine or whatever else he wants me to do, and finally i'll continue praying for direction from God to discern what His calling for me is and where exactly he wants me to go if and when he calls me.. then from there we'll see where this road will lead to.

Here I am.
Take me.

.

quote of the day

Quote of the Day:

"ya know those polish ppl.. they're usually blonde-eyed, blue-eyed" - joyce

check list::::::

Here's the To-Do List for this upcoming weekend (in order of priority):

0. stay STRONG!!!! :(
1. catch up on ALL of Bchm310
2. write out micr notes (chpt 6, 7, 8)
3. Read/Review Stats Ch. 1-9
4. read psyc (part II)

sub to-do-list...

1. Read Micah
2. find a new study place.. NOT stauffer 4th floor
3. learn first page of Wild Jagd (piano piece by Liszt)
4. try to avoid, err.. see less of ... "friend"

stupidness and the sorts

i've been brought up in a way... or rather, the culture here has brought me up in such a way that if something goes wrong, then i should just tough it out. stand solo, thats the way it goes. for its a sign of weakness when we ask for help. but i don't wanna stand alone..

so this is me in my weakness. .. i'm slipping. for example i've already broken one of my resolutions for this year... no downloading, no dc++... i keep on justifying things in my head, even though in my gut i know whats right and i know whats wrong. but even though i know... i don't act accordingly.. ..

oh.. and whats worse is i think i might like a boy. i've talked to viv and joyce about it now, and ya, its probably & most likely & certainly because i've been spending way too much time with this guy. *sigh. this year i've deemed no-boy-year. why? well i just plain and simply got sick of thinking about boys... caring for boys.. i just wanted to grow in friendships only. also, it was made in partial fear... in that i don't quite trust myself at times. yes i've very little to no experience at all actually, but still.. i just don't want to THINK about anyone. i just don't want to care. don't want to wish. don't wanna hope. nothing nothing nothing nothing.. so.. can one have a plutonic relationship with a guy? or is it just natural that both sexes tend to have feelings for each other as the friendship progresses... uhh, stupidness. stupid boy/girl stuff. why can't this whole entire world be made up of just girls or something. why do hormones and affections have to come into play?

so conclusion: i don't really like this boy. or at least i don't think. these "feelings" are just cuz i've been spending so much time with him, so i've grown attached to him.. and IF there's actually something there, then i guess it'll just have to wait till next year to unravel. cuz nothings gonna happen anytime soon. whats the big rush anyways?

...

.

...

cravings.

things i crave at this instant:

1. For winter to come, for snow to finally fall
2. For an icecream cone. for GRAPE-flavoured icecream on a cone (never tasted one before... but mmm.. just imagine :)
3. For a hug, not one of those wussy pansy-type hugs.. but a REAL hug! one that warms you to the core
4. To be able to play Chopin's piano concerto #1 in E minor *sigh, if only i could return to the olden days.. ..


...

.

hmm.. don't want you or i to.. ya. so i think i be layin low now.