before coming to queen's.. before thinking through all the logistics.. before getting any feedback or opinions from my family or anyone else.. i wanted to be a doctor. when i was younger, i thought it was God's will for me to be a doctor who did mission work. yet somehow... i don't know when.. bit by bit, i was blinded along the way. i lost sight of what i was here to do. i got scared thinking i couldn't achieve that goal.. i lacked faith in the power of God carrying me through...not only that, but i got attached to the world here in canada.. started making plans and setting hopes in my head as to where i'd live, what i'd do, the future with the picket fence, 3 kids, and a dog. but i didn't want this when i first came to queen's.. and after being reminded by Joyce's Dad today at church... i don't think i want this illusion i built up in my head. life is just so much more. what happened to me? how did i become so materialistic, so self-centered, so prideful and assuming... when did this happen? i wasn't like this at all 3 years ago.. is it cuz i've matured and become realistic about life so to say? thats probably what my family would tell me.. i think they'd frown upon me being a full-time missionary... and i do understand why. just cuz it'd be so hard.. so hard for me.. and if i had a family.. what then? thats where faith comes in. but then, what about part-time missions? would i be satisfied with just that?
first things first.. i will grow as a Disciple of Christ through being diligent in reading His Word, i will prepare the path of doing missions with a purpose and a skill by studying hard in school and getting into medicine or whatever else he wants me to do, and finally i'll continue praying for direction from God to discern what His calling for me is and where exactly he wants me to go if and when he calls me.. then from there we'll see where this road will lead to.
Here I am.
Take me.
.
