i've been brought up in a way... or rather, the culture here has brought me up in such a way that if something goes wrong, then i should just tough it out. stand solo, thats the way it goes. for its a sign of weakness when we ask for help. but i don't wanna stand alone..
so this is me in my weakness. .. i'm slipping. for example i've already broken one of my resolutions for this year... no downloading, no dc++... i keep on justifying things in my head, even though in my gut i know whats right and i know whats wrong. but even though i know... i don't act accordingly.. ..
oh.. and whats worse is i think i might like a boy. i've talked to viv and joyce about it now, and ya, its probably & most likely & certainly because i've been spending way too much time with this guy. *sigh. this year i've deemed no-boy-year. why? well i just plain and simply got sick of thinking about boys... caring for boys.. i just wanted to grow in friendships only. also, it was made in partial fear... in that i don't quite trust myself at times. yes i've very little to no experience at all actually, but still.. i just don't want to THINK about anyone. i just don't want to care. don't want to wish. don't wanna hope. nothing nothing nothing nothing.. so.. can one have a plutonic relationship with a guy? or is it just natural that both sexes tend to have feelings for each other as the friendship progresses... uhh, stupidness. stupid boy/girl stuff. why can't this whole entire world be made up of just girls or something. why do hormones and affections have to come into play?
so conclusion: i don't really like this boy. or at least i don't think. these "feelings" are just cuz i've been spending so much time with him, so i've grown attached to him.. and IF there's actually something there, then i guess it'll just have to wait till next year to unravel. cuz nothings gonna happen anytime soon. whats the big rush anyways?
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