plodding is hard work!

what a love!

been slowly going through 1 Peter with John Piper. over & over, this quote concerning 1 Peter 1:10-12 keeps popping back into my head... and every time I'm still blown away by it, by the love God has for his children from eternity past to now to eternity future

"Christ, the Son of God in Heaven, has been contemplating his suffering and his death for us for centuries. Indeed as far back as the plan of salvation reaches in the mind of God, so far back has Christ been willing and ready to give himself for our sins. You were not loved for just a bloody moment of sacrifice in history. You have been loved for endless ages in the eternal plan of the Father and the Son to save sinners who trust in him."

utterly speechless.

The Cambridge Seven

The Cambridge Seven were a group of 7 men who became missionaries to China in 1885 (with China Inland Mission), but before doing so they toured universities across England and Scotland, holding meetings for students to hear their testimonies and why they were going to China. God brought a huge revival to Great Britain through the "Cambridge Seven".. many came to listen to them talk, and hundreds up to even a thousand were converted each night. Was really moved reading their brief biographies ... they were men of prayer, men of complete devotion to God, men who saw the urgency of the gospel, the urgency to reach lost souls.. and I'm greatly touched by the faith-filled lives they led. Some things in particular that got my attention...

• They didn't wait until they 'got out into the mission field' to be missionaries, God used them exactly where they were in their colleges, in the army, sports teams, neighbours, etc... they were already missionaries before they 'became missionaries.'
• They were all different - different personalities, different strengths/weaknesses, different backgrounds... but all had a unified passion to see lost souls saved. I don't have to be someone I'm not. I am who God made me to be.
• It was no easy thing for them to be Christians... they were all in, and in so doing risked popularity, risked fame, success, wealth, career, they gave it all up for His cause (one example that stood out: C.T. Studd was a famous cricketer, the "Michael Jordan" of cricket at that time, but "once revived in the Spirit, his passion for Christ superseded that for cricket and he gave up his promising career in exchange for the hard path Christ marked out for him").

"Are you living for the day or are you living for life eternal? Are you going to care for the opinion of men here, or for the opinion of God? The opinion of men won't avail us much when we get before the judgment throne. But the opinion of God will. Had we not, then, better take His word and implicitly obey it?" - C.T. Studd

• God worked a huge revival in these men to call them to repentance & faith, although some had Christian parents, they themselves were asleep and at best nominal Christians... not until Christ called them personally. This 'sleeping Christian' culture is not so different from today is it. We cannot inherit our faith, indeed we must each have our own Christ encounter.
• In China, though money, health, and even missionary support failed at times, still they kept pursuing the lost. They endured hardships with great joy. Their love for the people of China was so huge, that many of the 7 stayed in China as long as they could.. even to their dying breath. God put a great love in their hearts for the lost. I'm reminded also that He puts this same love in me too, although many a time it is dampened by the pursuits of this world & myself.

Like the faithful men & women in Hebrews 11, reading stories of recent Christians who also showed faith ... in this case, 7 brothers in Christ who gave up all for the calling God had set before them to preach the lost... its so faith-building! What examples they are although displaced in time, but with cultures not so different from ours. I guess, it's always the case that following Christ is a path that goes against the stream of culture, goes against the things this world places value on.. popularity, success, wealth, or even something as simple as desiring to live a comfortable and safe life, where everything is insured and safe-guarded, there are no risks, no leaps of faith, no surprises.

But is this a life worth living?

At the cross where I've found forgiveness and grace, here at the cross, Jesus thought I was worth dying for that I might live. If this life I have now which cost Jesus his all, if I live this life for myself then there is no worth in it and in so doing claim Christ as worthless. But if I consider Christ as my full worth, then how easy it is for me to live fully trusting and fully for Him. This is not fleshed out though in myself I know as I still grip consciously & subconsciously to the side rails of earthly securities and common-sense 'worldly' wisdom. I imagine sometimes what it would be like to let go of these things, and at once the fearful 'what-ifs' come into play. Oh to see a bigger clearer picture of our Almighty God! Reading about these men though, its so faith-building... that they can trust wholeheartedly in our Father, means we too can trust in Him all the more!

"It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis.

What do I really count dear? If I have not been gripped by Jesus Christ, I will count service dear, time given to God dear, my life dear unto myself. Paul says he counted his life dear only in order that he might fulfill the ministry he had received; he refused to use his energy for any other thing. Acts 20:24 states Paul's almost sublime annoyance at being asked to consider himself; he was absolutely indifferent to any consideration other than that of fulfilling the ministry he had received. Practical work may be a competitor against abandonment to God, because practical work is based on this argument - Remember how useful you are here, or - Think how much value you would be in that particular type of work. That attitude does not put Jesus Christ as the Guide as to where we should go, but our judgment as to where we are of most use. Never consider whether you are of use; but ever consider that you are not your own but His." -- Oswald Chambers

how i long to see Your glory Lord.. I feel poked and prodded of a distant vision.. oh that by your grace you would direct my steps & equip me for what's to come, that you would grant me the patience and peace to walk faithfully and obediently as you re-create me completely to be someone who chases after holiness and fully hopes in your grace. Prepare my mind, fill it with truth from your word, and guard my heart against the desires & lusts of this world, that I be fully embracing fully hoping in your grace. Let me never lean on my own strength, nor think myself higher than I really am... but help me see myself as you see me, and help me love others as you love them. how i yearn to be passionate and fully abandoned for your word, your will, your glory..

quote snapshots of Impact 2011

so much learnt from Impact 2011 Conference this past weekend! just some key quotes to look back on in the future. Have yet to synthesize everything in my head, perhaps post-exams I'll get a chance to sit down and go through everything..

"Time is the canvas on which God does His painting...

& eternity is the perspective from which we will see the beauty of His handiwork" - Richard Chin (National Director of AFES)

"... our difficulties can always give us an excuse to sinning... therefore we need to commit ourselves to doing what is right when we face suffering" - Laurie Walsh (Dean of UQ Dent)

"When trouble comes, it is our decision under conscious control to:

1. turn to God in prayer... or become bitter
2. be quiet & thoughtful... or begin to complain
3. be tender & compassionate... or be harsh & cruel
4. learn new trust in God... or rebel against Him
5. take courage... or begin to fear
6. draw close to God in our suffering... or draw away" - Laurie Walsh

"Until we see the propensity of evil in our own hearts we cannot see the power of the gospel" - Richard Chin

"If my eyes are set for mediocrity, I gravitate towards safety and avoid danger, thus avoiding any form of risk taking, thereby rendering myself spiritually ineffective for the Kingdom." - Peter Law (Principal of Crossway Bible College)

happy easter

thank you thank you thank you Lord!!

I don't know how, but You've lifted up my spirits and have taken away this cloud.

This easter weekend has been so rejuvenating for me! was a much needed break from the hospital and from school. there's nothing better than taking some time out to reflect and catchup on non-mediciney reading :) was filled with eating the Word & finishing half-read books, and basking in His creation. Yay for living near a beautiful park.. its a blessing even if at times i wish there was an ocean or mountain in arms reach :p

Over this weekend its been good reflecting on what Jesus' death & resurrection mean to me. I can't even describe the feeling. its more than joy, more than thankfulness.. its like this warm filling feeling that envelops every bit of you. the feeling that you are so dearly immensely loved despite being so unlovable, that you are someone God of all creation wants back into His family, so much that He'd give up everything for you, give up His most precious Son for you.

And more than that, for the Son to willingly accept death, shame, excruciating pain, and the burden of the world's sin past present future, even bearing separation from His Father as He willingly accepted death on the cross because of His great love for us. That's craziness. It's something that can't be explained away, just doesn't make sense. And that's whats so powerful about this. Plus the fact that the story doesn't end there.

Jesus conquered death and is alive! and in so doing, He conquers death for us and we become alive in Him! Not just so that we no longer have to face eternity apart from the Father, but that here on earth we have relationship, we have closeness and access to Him through Jesus. That He no longer sees me in all my shortcomings and failings time and time again... but sees Christ's perfection blanketing over me. i realize more so now than when i was a younger christian just how sinful and undeserving I am ... how hopeless it would be if Christ never took my penalty. And so for me, Jesus' death & resurrection means hope! hope for eternity with the Father & hope for now , that He's working to change me bit by bit, till I reflect Him. Praying He keep on cleaning out the house of my heart, to sweep away the dust of sin that's piled without me even realizing.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead" -- 1 Peter 1:3

i hate having that feeling of a cloud looming over you... the cloud of things to do

i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment

gotta study for step1
gotta push forward this rather stagnant project of mine
gotta get through med rotation, there's so much to learn!
gotta start on that list of errands to do...i need a day off, things close too early here

ok. i guess there's no better way to get a move on than actually moving instead of being paralyzed under this cloud of 'to-do' . although i can't help but think how silly it is to be busy.. and for what. i guess its more a means to an end at this point.

church

taken from a friend's blog post, a quote from A.B. Simpson, the founder of C&MA (Christian & Missionary Alliance). What a great reminder!! There's so much meaning backed behind the idea of 'church.'.. but hoping it not just stay as an idea, rather praying for the reality. I love weaving through the different ideas & thoughts that swirl in my head, envisioning a what-can-be versus a what-is-for-now. oh the possibilities... but then reality of time-constraints, man-power constraints, $$-constraints... so many constraints settle in and choke out the urge, the passion, the will to see change. Oh but to see beyond the mountains, and focus on the One whom the mountains bow down to. To remember again that with Him the impossible is made into a reality.

"He is showing us the plan for a Christian church that is much more than an association of congenial friends to listen once a week to an intellectual discourse and musical entertainment and carry on by proxy a mechanism of Christian work; but rather a church that can be at once the mother and home of every form of help and blessing which Jesus came to give to lost and suffering men, the birthplace and the home of souls, the fountain of healing and cleansing, the sheltering home for the orphan and distressed, the school for the culture and training of God's children, the armory where they are equipped for the battle of the Lord and the army which fights those battles in His name. Such a center of population in this sad and sinful world!"

-- A. B Simpson, A Larger Christian Life p. 153

2nd week in...

this will be the 2nd week i've been in hospital for med rotation. there's so much going on each day. every day is a busy day. and although i find it fascinating intellectually in that i'm seeing lots and learning lots, at the same time my heart has been taking a beating. it doesn't take long to notice that the hospital is a very busy jungle. seems like a luxury to dwell a little bit longer in conversation & care with patients. with the huge time-crunch of marathon ward-rounds and just plain getting things done, there's been no room for anything else. so much sickness & sadness, and so little time to care.

there've been many times when patients would break down in tears from the weight of everything thats been happening, and all the while everyone would be thinking 'oh no, we've got no time for this.' What a horrible thought. but also learning why people think like this. That by spending more time with one patient, it means spending less time with another. Looking at my reg, she shows compassion & warmth where she can, and still balances the reality of the time-crunch. so i'm starting to realize maybe its more a matter of learning how to switch on & off between patients, and learning how to be most efficient with the little time that's given. being in the moment when the moment requires, and as soon as that moment passes, switching that off and focusing on the next task at hand. not heartless, but practical. ..or maybe this is me becoming more cynical

personally i find it rather difficult to switch off, i can't help but linger on a situation and try to find some sort of resolution. i'm learning quick though that more often than not there are no easy answers, no quick fixes. Each patient has a myriad of complex issues to be addressed. to imagine carrying over each patients' issues and dwelling on them all... would ultimately lead to brain combustion! which is why i've been super amazed at what the allied health team does. that no tear shed is forgotten. underlying reasons for everything will be sought and resolved. and that before discharging anyone, the team makes sure they're good to go & well-supported to cope in post-hospital life.

all in all, i'm really loving medicine. so thankful He's placed me here to learn... it's busy, but it's good.

blessed are they...

Rendition on the Beatitudes taken from Matthew 5 .. dueling sides from the Bible vs. today's modern take

listening to this made me realize again how controversial & seemingly nonsensical Jesus is in what He says. its completely opposite from how the world would have it. its crazy how sin has a way of blinding us so completely that what seems right or wise or 'the good way to go" is so far-off from the truth as found in the Bible.

as i was listening i noticed the laughter going on in the background, i too joined in with laughter at some of the things said which seemed absurdly ridiculous, but when taking a step back couldn't help but think of the many times past & present where i've lived by the 'modern code.' how its all but too easy to think myself blessed to be in comfort, to have all my needs met... being self-sufficient to the point of self-reliant, to not be troubled by the atrocities going on in the world.. being numbed to the point that i say "It's just how life is".. and hence not fighting or praying for change!

But thank God for His grace, that though I sin far too easily, though at times the order of things gets topsy turvy in my head, He is patient with me, brings to my attention the things i ought to work on and the things His Spirit works in me to change! Reading through the real beatitudes is so comforting. reminded me of times when i clung to these few sentences as if they were precious gems.. and oh how they are! shining truths amongst deceptive lies the world weaves into our heads.

adversity

"Every adversity that comes across our path, whether large or small, is intended to help us grow in some way. If it were not beneficial, God would not allow it or send it, “For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men” (Lamentations 3:33). God does not delight in our sufferings. He brings only that which is necessary, but He does not shrink from that which will help us grow."

-- Jerry Bridges

Gal1:6-2:10

Listening to John Piper speak on Galations 1:6-2:10. I'm blown away by Paul and his rock-solid steadfastness in remaining true to Christ's teaching. That it is a gospel of justification by grace alone through faith alone on the basis of Christ's blood & righteousness alone to the glory of God alone. There is no compromise. He did not yield in submission even for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel would be preserved (2:5). And after meeting with the apostles and being received by them (thank God! otherwise the church would not exist to this day as we know it), they are reminded before they are sent out to the Gentiles to remember the poor (2:10).

some facts:::

• 85% of the poorest of the poor are in the 10/40 window
  
• 95% of the least reached people are in the 10/40 window
  

These figures disturb me. lost people = poor people...

There are 3 groups/'callings' in which we can slot ourselves in..

1. one who goes
2. one who sends
3. one who is disobedient
   

.. where am I?

We read how the poor is so intimately entwined with Jesus' ministry, and its interesting how the poor often seems to be linked with being unreached (lost ppl = poor ppl). Jesus consistently gave special care over those on the fringes of society, who were oppressed and physically & economically disadvantaged. He emphasizes this kind of generosity and concern for the poor to his disciples. And in turn they remind Paul of this too as he's sent to preach to the Gentiles...not that he needed reminding, since he was already so eager to do it (2:10). But same goes for Christians, for myself. For a compassionate heart stems out naturally from one who has received forgiveness through the blood of Christ. There is such a yearning in my heart to reach the unreached, to go alongside the poor, and yet I cower or perhaps overfill and crowd out any time in my day-to-day schedule. I cover this yearning up with busyness. And busy for what? ... ah. The biggest conclusion I can make is that I'm in need of much prayer. Direct my steps, and by your grace open a way for me to go. Send me!

"This life therefore is not righteousness but growth in righteousness; not health but healing; not being but becoming; not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it. The process is not finished, but it is going on. This is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified."

–Martin Luther

memorizing scripture

powerful & convicting...



(3:00-3:52) "Memorizing scripture provides the matrix for fellowship with Jesus because He talks to me here and nowhere else. But oh sweetly, powerfully, authentically, really speaks to me here. And then I speak back to Him in prayer. And if this is here, we can talk anywhere. It is sweet. It is very sweet."
-- John Piper

"The word, stored in the heart, provides a mental depository for the Holy Spirit to use to mediate His grace to us, whatever our need for grace might be"
-- Jerry Bridges

"The challenge before us then is not merely to do what God says because He is God, but to desire what God says because He is good. The challenge is not merely to pursue righteousness, but to prefer righteousness. The challenge is to get up in the morning and prayerfully meditate on the Scriptures until we experience joy and peace in believing "the precious and very great promises" of God (Rom15:13, 2Pet1:4). With this joy set before us the commandments of God will not be burdensome (1John5:3) and the compensation of sin will appear too brief and too shallow to lure us"

-- John Piper

i yearn to be wholly wholly wholly dependent, reliant and centered on You and You alone. no person, accomplishment or thing in this world will ever be able to satisfy my inner yearnings and desires. You oh Lord quench my deepest thirst, fill my innermost longings and hear my inaudible cries. You get me. You completely get me. without even uttering a single word, You understand, and more than that You speak living words into my life without my even asking, you breathe peace into my lungs and overfill my heart with the love that flows from Yours. You get me, You rescued me, You love me. me in my entirety, not just the best of me, but ALL of me. me, a sinner. me, who rightfully deserved death in body & spirit. me, so insignificant and unclean it'd be unthinkable for You to come close. You are God. i am but a wretched vapor of a sinner.How glorious Your grace to bend down to my level, pick me up and embrace me with open arms that I might come into relationship with You. I'm reminded again how glorious, how undeserving, how beautifully fathomless Your grace poured out on us is.

aborted@10weeks

"For myself, the power of the photograph is precisely that it is the reminder that I need that defending the unborn is not simply “a cause”, or an “issue”, because people are not causes or issues, they are unique, unrepeatable human beings that I have a relationship with simply because we both share our human dignity, and it is simply because of that, that I have an obligation to defend them."
-- Jennifer Rego

"Authenticity is the courage to love with a rigorous inside-out consistency. Despite pop culture's preference for surface-level glitz, I believe we long for sincerity. We want to be able to trust that others are who they appear to be. And we desire to have our inner and outer persons meet such that we can be known deeply by others and by God." - G Spencer

from Facets of Grace

. g r a c e .

when i was a kid i really disliked my name. in my head i grouped it in the same category with Bertha & Gertrude (which probably at one point were gorgeous names..??). the only Grace's i knew were old & graying, might've been because where i grew up was retirement-central. i remember telling my mom how when i turned 18 i'd change my name to Sarah, and at one point would even practice writing my 'new name' out. of course as i grew up, the name sorta grew on me. i was kinda shocked when i left home for uni and met so many other grace's my age. who'd have thought its actually quite the popular name, especially among asian girls lol. anyways, 24 years with my name and still I am learning new things about what 'grace' means. i often joke saying my parents named me grace cuz ' I need lots of it ' , but truth is.. i do.

Yesterday Pastor Steve started a new sermon series on 1 Timothy, teaching us how the church ought to be in practical terms. So how does the church avoid drifting, how can the church continue staying on the line? simply by being grounded in g r a c e . i'm reminded again as to the treasure that is the gospel we have in our hearts & minds, this gospel which is the power of salvation for all who believe. and this gospel which is grounded in grace, not in intellectually stimulating theological debates or vain discussion for puffing up or in speculative ideology and guesswork. & because this is a gospel grounded in grace and not in ourselves, it is outward-moving not inward-staying, it is ever-growing and never-stagnant, it seeks to place others first against our natural inclincation for selfish ambition & vain conceit (phil 2:3-4). so what's the point in all this? that we be people who's aim is extending Christ's love and life outwards, and this stems from a pure heart (in the now), a good conscience (from the past), and a sincere faith (as we step out to the future).

I am not what I ought to be —

ah, how imperfect and deficient!

I am not what I wish to be —

I abhor what is evil, and I would cleave to what is good!

I am not what I hope to be —

soon, soon shall I put off mortality, and with mortality all sin and imperfection.

Yet, though I am not what I ought to be,

nor what I wish to be,

nor what I hope to be,

I can truly say, I am not what I once was;

a slave to sin and Satan;

and I can heartily join with the apostle, and acknowledge,

“By the grace of God I am what I am.”

- John Newton

some quotes on g r a c e (Paul Tripp)

"You have real hope when your hope is rooted in grace. Grace forgives your past, empowers your present and secures your future."

"The unrelenting power of transforming grace is greater than the unyielding idolatry of your wondering heart."

"We are not kept in the faith by our own discipline and resolve, but by the loving chains of faithful, rescuing grace."

"Grace invades your strength and proves you are weak, then meets you in weakness and makes you strong."

"Trials = Uncomfortable grace...God will take you where you do not want to go to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own..."

"Grace pries open our hands so we let go of the temporary pleasures of this fallen world to hold to the greater pleasures of God's kingdom."

"Grace enters your life in a moment and will occupy you for eternity. It will dash your hopes, but never leave you hopeless."

"Grace reaches down to where you are and lifts you up to where God designed for you to be."

"When your biggest thrill is not some personal pleasure, but Kingdom advancement, then you know grace is transforming your heart."

"Self-righteousness is why we are content with superficial Christianity. Convinced we are okay, we do not long for the daily rescue of grace."

"No promise broken, no provision not delivered, no need unmet, his presence never denied, his power freely given, now that's grace!"

"Grace doesn't free you from the call to obedience, but liberates you from the delusion that you can obey your way into God's acceptance."

"Rest in the reality that there is never a moment when you don't need transforming grace and never a moment where grace isn't operating."

on another note, what a happy month it has been :)

"Jesus Christ our LORD"

Jesus... means 'he will save his people from their sins' (Matt1:21)
Christ... means the Messiah, the long awaited King
LORD... refers to the God of the OT, Yahweh, our Creator God

Who knew in those few words, it could be filled with such deep meaning! I am blown away (again)... still is beyond my comprehension to think how Jesus (our Savior from God's wrath against our wrongs), holy and perfect, would submit to death on a cross, humiliation and shame, false accusations and lies, abandonment even by his own disciples... all so that his people might have restored relationship and peace with the Father.

"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth."

- Isaiah 53: 4-7

What amazing love for Him to endure it all...
What an amazing gift of undeserved forgiveness & salvation for those who repent & believe!