it's my 2nd & final week with the Alcohol & Drug Service at the hospital. i think i definitely find addiction psychiatry fascinating. got into a lengthy conversation with our consultant on the complex aetiology of addiction, and the never-ending debate of environment vs. genetics. this along with current treatment & follow-up methods which i think are a bit sub-optimal with so many gaps and people falling through the cracks. and although i get super excited talking about all this and the direction & future of this field to find an 'answer' for addiction.. i can't help but think whatever treatment & rehabilitation we have now or will ever have, and whatever advances we make scientifically in this field, they are all bandaid solutions to the core problem. the core problem being sin. its not an uncommon story to hear of broken families, abuse, emotional pain & guilt... these are all running themes of social and moral breakdown echoing out of our sinful state, and they are not just isolated issues, but generational & tainting all aspects of life.
every monday, there's a special clinic that targets vulnerable women, namely mums-to-be who are dependent on heroin, methadone, and buprenorphine (which are all opioids, the latter being a partial agonist. so in other words all stimulate the same receptors & help maintain the drug habit). today as i sat in for several consults, my heart kind of dropped. the solution given was not reaching the core problem, but facilitating and in some cases increasing one's drug dependence. inside i was so ready to burst.
although i've never used or been dependent on substances, i've seen too many people who are dependent that it's obvious how life & soul-consuming it becomes. your every thought is obsessed with acquiring that drug to get your fix, it's what you live for. and 10, 20 or 30 years down the road (if you even make it that far) you look back and see the blazed trail of destruction and damage and hurt and pain you left and are now in. addiction is idolatry. addiction is a poor substitute for glory. in a non-medical sense, we are all addicted to something (i.e. we live for/our lives revolve around something or someone). addicted to our job, to success, to wealth or fame, addicted to romance and chasing love or sex, addicted to acceptance or even self-fulfillment. all these things which comparatively speaking look & sound 'nicer' than being addicted to say heroin, but all of which at the core are the same. and everyone eventually realizes that what they've been living for & 'addicted' to, it doesn't satisfy but leaves you empty and hungry for something more. John Calvin got it right in saying the human heart is a factory of idols. and boy are we experts at it. but this is where Jesus comes into the picture. Jesus smashes through all our idols or would-be idols. and surpasses everything we could ever hope to live for or find joy in.
knowing this, i couldn't help but wonder what it's going to be like when/if i start practicing. will my hands be tied in speaking the gospel? will i just be putting 'bandaids' on the water tap of people's problems or actually help people find out that the faucet can be turned off. and so today was one of those days where i found myself daydreaming about jumping ship and going into ministry. but as someone told me, and i know this myself too, i should not take studying medicine for granted, but to look at using these skills for His glory God-willing. but still, there's this ache inside i cannot explain away as i think about broken people separated from God... perhaps because i myself was broken too. and my heart hurts when i think of those who've never heard what the good news is. to reach the unreached, connecting broken people to God... that's the dream, albeit a far-away dream at the moment..
