sunday morning i woke up sick to the point that i couldn't even speak. that plus i felt like there was a porcupine shoved down my throat. so was almost thinking of calling up my friend and cancelling going to church. but then thought it wouldn't be too great especially since she's just started coming out.. and didn't really want her to go alone since its pretty daunting going to church by yourself if you don't know anyone!
Anyways, during congregational prayer time, they switched things up a bit and we were able to pray for each other in twos :) So my friend prayed for my sickness, that I would get better. And VOILA! I got better!! I'm not completely healed, but i FEEL like i'm healed despite the sporadic cough here or there. but what was crazy was that before she prayed, when we were singing, no sound would come out when i tried to sing. after prayer however, i was able to sing like normal as if i'd never even gotten sick! :) My friend hadn't prayed to God in over a year, and God used her prayer of faith to heal me! How cool is that? =D tres cool indeed! that God uses ALL people for His glory!!
28.12.09
24.12.09
charlie
Today i went downtown and met a guy named Charlie, who goes by Chinay on the streets. Took a seat next to him and started talking. What a jolly guy. He was in his mid-40s and was First Nations, and had been living on the streets since his late teens. He grew up rolling 100 joints a day of marijuana with his mom. He was able to laugh through these things. i guess he was pretty proud of his success in his younger days, bringing in at least $500 a day from selling pot to his classmates. But through the laughter and somewhat mindless chatter, i could sense his hurt. He has 2 daughters who want nothing to do with him, and had 1 son who passed away. It didn't take much to know and feel the regret he had in his life. And so i did the only thing i knew how to do, i prayed with him. He got teary after we prayed, and I know its cuz the HS is working in his heart. Before i left i gave him a little care package with a bible & an invitation to come to church later on tonight.
if you're reading this post, please pray for Charlie - for mended relationships with his daughters, for learning that he can rid all shame and guilt through the cross, and ultimately that God would bring hope and light into his life as he toughs it out on the streets. Man, i look at him and i just shake my head. There's so much excess in our culture, in what we buy, what we eat, in everything...especially during this Christmas season. its rather scary when I think about how much is wasted when it can be used for good. I guess this is where Jesus needs to shine ever more brightly.. through our hands & feet :)
Praise be to God who came down onto Earth in the form of a baby bringing salvation & hope to all! Merry Christmas :)
if you're reading this post, please pray for Charlie - for mended relationships with his daughters, for learning that he can rid all shame and guilt through the cross, and ultimately that God would bring hope and light into his life as he toughs it out on the streets. Man, i look at him and i just shake my head. There's so much excess in our culture, in what we buy, what we eat, in everything...especially during this Christmas season. its rather scary when I think about how much is wasted when it can be used for good. I guess this is where Jesus needs to shine ever more brightly.. through our hands & feet :)
Praise be to God who came down onto Earth in the form of a baby bringing salvation & hope to all! Merry Christmas :)
26.11.09
PTL!
God is so very GOOD! =)
The mountain that was moved: Dr. R was facing deregistration or at best a few years of suspension from medical practice. Why? Because he stood up for what was right. Because he cares too much for his patients. and because people lied against and falsely accused Dr. R. He's opposed to drug maintenance and because of that many red alarms have been popping up all around him, and health bureaucrats have been trying to get him out. They've tried for over 10 years, but still made no dent! He offered morphine in severe cases to patients detoxing off of methadone. Everywhere around the world this is standard treatment, Canada, US, Europe, even Western Australia, but not here in QLD. More than that, he got verbal permission from the QLD Drug & Dependence Unit, who then denied giving it at all. His own lawyers thought at best he'd get 3 years of suspension, the other side was pushing for deregistration. Despite this, God moved the mountain, worked in the judge's heart who ruled that his suspension be suspended for 3 years! What a miracle! He'll be starting back at work on the monday :) It goes against all laws and logic, and I guess thats why just thinking about it puts a HUGE smile on my heart. God is a miracle-worker.
A family found. I met the loveliest couple this past week as a bunch of us gathered to help Dr. R sift through a bajillion boxes of archives. They've somewhat adopted me as their daughter, and they my 'Australian' family. It's strange. I've never clicked with people as fast as I clicked with these 2. They're different than the typical older Christian couple you'd see in church. Gary is just backed with a wealth of wisdom and has such a huge heart full of compassion for struggling men. He works at New Hope House with Teen Challenge here in Brisbane and is a chaplain as well. His wife is one crazy amazing woman! She's studying at bible college and she's what I'd call RADICAL! :) Both Gary & Linda are the type of people I'd read about in books. I'm still recovering from meeting both of them! I think the one thing that really stuck out was the fact that they're both so eager to grow and are so fired up, there's no pause on their remote, they just Go and Do, and talking to them you understand why, they're absolutely saturated with the Holy Spirit :) I just love the fact that they really love God and they're NOT afraid to show it!
The mountain that was moved: Dr. R was facing deregistration or at best a few years of suspension from medical practice. Why? Because he stood up for what was right. Because he cares too much for his patients. and because people lied against and falsely accused Dr. R. He's opposed to drug maintenance and because of that many red alarms have been popping up all around him, and health bureaucrats have been trying to get him out. They've tried for over 10 years, but still made no dent! He offered morphine in severe cases to patients detoxing off of methadone. Everywhere around the world this is standard treatment, Canada, US, Europe, even Western Australia, but not here in QLD. More than that, he got verbal permission from the QLD Drug & Dependence Unit, who then denied giving it at all. His own lawyers thought at best he'd get 3 years of suspension, the other side was pushing for deregistration. Despite this, God moved the mountain, worked in the judge's heart who ruled that his suspension be suspended for 3 years! What a miracle! He'll be starting back at work on the monday :) It goes against all laws and logic, and I guess thats why just thinking about it puts a HUGE smile on my heart. God is a miracle-worker.
A family found. I met the loveliest couple this past week as a bunch of us gathered to help Dr. R sift through a bajillion boxes of archives. They've somewhat adopted me as their daughter, and they my 'Australian' family. It's strange. I've never clicked with people as fast as I clicked with these 2. They're different than the typical older Christian couple you'd see in church. Gary is just backed with a wealth of wisdom and has such a huge heart full of compassion for struggling men. He works at New Hope House with Teen Challenge here in Brisbane and is a chaplain as well. His wife is one crazy amazing woman! She's studying at bible college and she's what I'd call RADICAL! :) Both Gary & Linda are the type of people I'd read about in books. I'm still recovering from meeting both of them! I think the one thing that really stuck out was the fact that they're both so eager to grow and are so fired up, there's no pause on their remote, they just Go and Do, and talking to them you understand why, they're absolutely saturated with the Holy Spirit :) I just love the fact that they really love God and they're NOT afraid to show it!
A night of celebration! They brought me up to Toowoomba for Champion's Night at Teen Challenge. I'm still kinda in shock to be honest... at God's amazing power to transform lives so radically. Imprinted in my mind is a guy named Josh: was on the streets, used everything, headed towards death, but yet here he is completed the program at TC, and with YWAM now filled with such a passion for full-time missions! He was one of many stories that night. It was wonderful seeing and celebrating with these guys. One thing really stuck out for me that Pastor Alan said "Success isn't about never failing, success is learning how to deal with failure" & to get through failure think ADHD: assurance --> deliverance --> hope --> destiny!
22.11.09
"Life sometimes can be like the frayed endings of a most beautiful tapestry. We just see the bottom frayed bits in our life, but truly God is weaving a beautiful picture out of us" -- Pastor Steve
"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -- 2 Cor 4
O Lord my God deliver him I pray. All things are possible through you, but let Your will be done! Grant him peace and assurance and hope knowing full well You are in control of every circumstance. As you say in Isaiah 45, "I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things." Nothing goes without Your hand in it. And so I pray Lord God that You'd continue to weave out a most beautiful tapestry from Dr. R's life and the lives of his patients.
In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.
"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -- 2 Cor 4
O Lord my God deliver him I pray. All things are possible through you, but let Your will be done! Grant him peace and assurance and hope knowing full well You are in control of every circumstance. As you say in Isaiah 45, "I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things." Nothing goes without Your hand in it. And so I pray Lord God that You'd continue to weave out a most beautiful tapestry from Dr. R's life and the lives of his patients.
In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.
9.11.09
i went to moonyah today to check out Salvos' detox unit and their drug, alcohol & gambling rehab center. They definitely do a good work there!
during lunch, everyone was at the caf eating. as i was getting my food i met a really nice man named Scott. He arrived 10 weeks ago, was on heroin, and went cold turkey off of it. I was amazed! that's no easy feat. it was even more amazing hearing him accredit everything to the Big G. i still can't get over hearing addicts, ex-convicts, and the homeless talk about Jesus. its strange, but it lights my heart on fire. its so contagious! when you see someone whose heart is set ablaze, you can't help but feel the heat and catch fire.
i sat down with the other staff members who were sitting on the long table in the front. it reminded me of my highschool caf, where all the teachers sat along this sectioned off table away from the students... it seemed like an invisible divide, giving an 'us' versus 'them' kinda feel to the place. i sat there eating, and i thought about the parable of the great banquet in luke 14. i wondered if the master would've had the poor, the blind, the crippled and the lame sit off to the side and not have them join in on the feast at his table? ..my eyes fell on Scott as he was sitting there eating by himself. i felt so urged to lift up my plate and plop myself next to him... but felt social etiquette kick into play that i should stay with the people who had taken me in and showed me around the place. i wish i had greater courage. next time. i can't help but wonder just how different the atmosphere would be at their caf if everyone sat with everyone, if there were no more invisible divides.. just a random thought.
On another note, i need to get crackin on this research thing. 2 more days! :*( God help me please to focus!
during lunch, everyone was at the caf eating. as i was getting my food i met a really nice man named Scott. He arrived 10 weeks ago, was on heroin, and went cold turkey off of it. I was amazed! that's no easy feat. it was even more amazing hearing him accredit everything to the Big G. i still can't get over hearing addicts, ex-convicts, and the homeless talk about Jesus. its strange, but it lights my heart on fire. its so contagious! when you see someone whose heart is set ablaze, you can't help but feel the heat and catch fire.
i sat down with the other staff members who were sitting on the long table in the front. it reminded me of my highschool caf, where all the teachers sat along this sectioned off table away from the students... it seemed like an invisible divide, giving an 'us' versus 'them' kinda feel to the place. i sat there eating, and i thought about the parable of the great banquet in luke 14. i wondered if the master would've had the poor, the blind, the crippled and the lame sit off to the side and not have them join in on the feast at his table? ..my eyes fell on Scott as he was sitting there eating by himself. i felt so urged to lift up my plate and plop myself next to him... but felt social etiquette kick into play that i should stay with the people who had taken me in and showed me around the place. i wish i had greater courage. next time. i can't help but wonder just how different the atmosphere would be at their caf if everyone sat with everyone, if there were no more invisible divides.. just a random thought.
On another note, i need to get crackin on this research thing. 2 more days! :*( God help me please to focus!
6.11.09
lessons from perth..
The week in Perth has come and gone just like that! I didn't get a chance to see much of Perth, but I don't really mind. got to see a whole lotta other stuff & learned heaps :) don't want to forget any of it..
a little about George...
Dr. George O'Neil, entrepreneur extraordinaire, founded Freshstart not-for-profit organization, founded Go Medical Industries, Research Director & innovator, Inventor of the O'Neil implant & O'Neil catheter among other inventions, missionary doctor to Africa, Addiction Medicine doctor, part-time obstetrician/gynecologist, father, husband, and front-line sprinter in this race of faith! This man is seriously changing the face of addiction medicine, and his naltrexone implants actually WORK in getting people off not just heroin, but also alcohol, ice, tranqs, you name it! It's crazy. I think it just hit me today that I met someone famous. 10 years from now I'll be reading about him in textbooks! But all that aside, George is the humblest & kindest man I've ever met despite all his accomplishments. He lives very humbly, that one of his patients the other day was in disbelief when they saw his old station wagon roll in and even told him how they felt like buying him a new car (you wouldn't even think he was the founder of a multi-million dollar organization) His patients and staff are treated like his children. He gives them his full attention and somehow makes everyone feel welcomed. The front door to his house is always open, he gives away his home phone & mobile numbers to his patients, even tells his patients where he lives in case they need to find him! The O'Neils are incredibly generous! They don't hold onto anything tightly in this world, especially money. They pay out of their own pockets to keep the organization up & running, and never turn away patients even if they don't have enough money to pay for treatment. There are ppl who show up at their clinic from all over Australia. Sometimes the O'Neils even pay for their ticket to fly out to Perth! They definitely taught me firsthand what it truly meant to have a generous heart & to not hold onto things of this world so tightly.. for it all becomes dust in the end anyways.
a little (or a lot) about addiction medicine...
addiction occurs on 3 levels:
a little about doctor politics...
In addiction medicine, the buzz word that's thrown around is harm-reduction. Essentially this means to reduce risks associated with drug use without actually interfering with patient's drug behaviour. In other words its about decreasing the number of deaths caused by ODs and decreasing the spread of disease, without actually solving the problem of addiction. The current government-funded form of treatment is methadone. According to the doctors, methadone (opioid agonist) is man's best method for treating drug addiction, but if you talk to the patients, its far from the ideal. Methadone is nasty stuff, erodes & decays your teeth, decreases bone density, causes widespread aches & pains, depression & withdrawal-induced psychosis, and worst of all you're still addicted to opiates and still experience cravings. It has a horrible success rate and talking to the patients at the detox clinic, methadone is the worst stuff to detox from, far worse than heroin itself. So then one has to question why are doctors giving patients methadone if a) it destroys the patient physically b) its painfully hard to detox from and c) at the end of the day the patient is still addicted and using opiates.
There's a new emerging approach to addiction medicine which doesn't involve harm-reduction. There's no fancy word attached, it just simply believes that not only can harm be reduced, but also recovery from addiction can be made where the patient can remain opiate-free! Talking to patients who've received naltrexone (opioid antagonist) treatment, you see firsthand how effective it is! It completely stops the cravings and desires, along with the drugs' effects. The only people I've heard who are against the use of antagonist-therapy are the doctors, namely the pro-methadone doctors. Taking a step back, you'd wonder why there even is a debate. Methadone treatment: going from one type of opiate to another type of opiate. Naltrexone treatment: going from one type of opiate to none! with the emergence of antagonist therapy, pro-methadone doctors such as Alex Wodak (credited to have started the needle injection site movement) have written such charged letters to members of the Australian government basically saying they shouldn't even be thinking of funding naltrexone work (since funding for naltrexone work means less funding for methadone work). I spent a chunk of this week helping George write an affidavit, and its crazy how doctors can get so petty, juvenile, and be outright liars. As I was reading this document from Wodak speaking against naltrexone, one by one all the points he listed were lies and the worst thing was he knew it, but that didn't stop him. Sounds so petty and so wrong. Many of the patients I've talked to want to receive naltrexone therapy but its just too expensive. Its such an injustice if you think about it, that the government is denying patients from truly getting better, or at least having the option to choose! I'm sure 10 years down the road the dust will settle, but I'm inspired to see this process speed up. hrm, surveys, questionnaires & letters here we come =)
a little about some people I met...
Jason: he had been abusing alcohol since young and had been in and out of jail all his life because of the influence of alcohol. He told me the longest time he'd ever been out of jail was for 7 weeks. But after receiving treatment with a naltrexone implant, he's now been outta jail for 2 years! It's been 2 years from touching alcohol and 2 years after finding God & himself. It was pretty awesome getting to know him. He's in the process of finding a job now, just submitted his resumes and everything. How awesome :)
Peter: he has used and abused practically everything from ice, benzos, heroin, alcohol, etc since he was 13 years old and was headed in a downward spiral. he wanted out of his addiction and found George to get treated. He's now been practically drug-free for 10 years and mentors other patients who are just coming out of addiction. He's also not shy to mention the huge role God has played in transforming his life. it was so edifying to talk about God with him :) it still catches me offguard a lot of times when I meet Christians from a whole other walk of life than mine, definitely not the typical church-goer person you'd imagine. How wonderful is that!
Jessica: travelled all the way from Brisbane with some friends to receive an implant (was too expensive in Brisbane since they have to pay the full price cuz there's no George to swallow up the costs). Not a Christian and doesn't want anything to do with it, but was surprisingly so open about her relationship with her dad and how much hurt he's caused her and her family. She's struggling with forgiving her father. She gave me her mobile number so i'll have to chase her down this week :) how beautiful it would be if she finds Christ and learns to forgive and be forgiven. she noticed the HopeFoundation bracelet i was wearing, and is friends with some friends of Bronwen Healey! how wonderful it'd be to take her to hopefoundation next thursday :)
Tess: lost her boyfriend a year ago who overdosed on heroin and is having a tough time grieving. she has uncontrolled diabetes, a complication from excess heroin use, and doesn't have all that long to live (maybe 10 years max), but is trying so hard to live out a fulfilling life. I remember hugging her and feeling how frail she was. Not someone you'd expect to be around my age. George has done so much for this young girl, beyond treatment but in supporting her emotionally. He came in afterhours one day to the girls detox house just to talk to her and see how she was going. (this after finishing work around 7!)
a little about some random stuff...
This past week I baked my very FIRST cake from scratch =) and learned how to bar chords on the guitar courtesy of one of their sons Graham who taught me despite my slow intake lol. i also finished reading Deadly Money Maker by Saga McOdongo, and learned a little about the drug world in Kenya (drugs in kiswahili is 'marufuku'). Its a good read, writing of her experience locked up in jail in Kenya for drug trafficking. i've also heard the strangest song ever known to man! it makes me crack up everytime i listen to it!
a little about some things i've learned...
a little about George...
Dr. George O'Neil, entrepreneur extraordinaire, founded Freshstart not-for-profit organization, founded Go Medical Industries, Research Director & innovator, Inventor of the O'Neil implant & O'Neil catheter among other inventions, missionary doctor to Africa, Addiction Medicine doctor, part-time obstetrician/gynecologist, father, husband, and front-line sprinter in this race of faith! This man is seriously changing the face of addiction medicine, and his naltrexone implants actually WORK in getting people off not just heroin, but also alcohol, ice, tranqs, you name it! It's crazy. I think it just hit me today that I met someone famous. 10 years from now I'll be reading about him in textbooks! But all that aside, George is the humblest & kindest man I've ever met despite all his accomplishments. He lives very humbly, that one of his patients the other day was in disbelief when they saw his old station wagon roll in and even told him how they felt like buying him a new car (you wouldn't even think he was the founder of a multi-million dollar organization) His patients and staff are treated like his children. He gives them his full attention and somehow makes everyone feel welcomed. The front door to his house is always open, he gives away his home phone & mobile numbers to his patients, even tells his patients where he lives in case they need to find him! The O'Neils are incredibly generous! They don't hold onto anything tightly in this world, especially money. They pay out of their own pockets to keep the organization up & running, and never turn away patients even if they don't have enough money to pay for treatment. There are ppl who show up at their clinic from all over Australia. Sometimes the O'Neils even pay for their ticket to fly out to Perth! They definitely taught me firsthand what it truly meant to have a generous heart & to not hold onto things of this world so tightly.. for it all becomes dust in the end anyways.
a little (or a lot) about addiction medicine...
addiction occurs on 3 levels:
- The Level of the Cell - there are opioid receptors on the cell membrane. during times of stress there is a spike in endogenous opioid release. if there is chronic stress (ex. growing up in a dysfunctional family, series of broken relationships, etc) then after a while the chronic high concentration of endogenous opioids will damage the receptors from over-use. damage causes insensitivity and therefore increases the release of opioids in order to maintain same effect. if in combination with morphine, heroin or other opiates, then we see increased damaged and decreased sensitivity of receptors.
- The Level of the Brain - Paul talks about the internal battle between the flesh and the mind in Romans 7, in modern terms it can be seen as the battle between the limbic system and executive functioning of the prefrontal cortex, or perhaps the head vs. the heart. It's all the same thing. With Pavlov's dogs, their dopamine levels increased 50% at the anticipation/desire for food when the bell rang. With heroin, dopamine levels rise 1000x! imagine overcoming that strong of a craving for something..
- The Level of the Person - our roadmap to life begins when we grow up at home. if we come from a dysfunctional family then all we grow up with and all we know are unhealthy relationships and unhealthy ways with dealing & coping. Everyone on drugs to some degree battles with guilt, and therefore the big hump for most is forgiveness - learning to forgive and learning to be forgiven.
- body/physiology (cellular level) --> introducing an antagonist to block drug's effects thereby allowing time for receptors to 'heal' and become like brand-new. blocked effects also allow freedom of mind not chained by cravings/desires and offers enough time for the patient to get back on their feet for a second chance
- mind/cognition (brain level) --> counselling & mentor services are offered
- soul/self-actualization (person level) --> chaplaincies, bible studies/devos in the detox houses, community houses similar to Teen Challenge, opportunities for education & skills training, employment opportunities (quite a few of the workers/volunteers at FreshStart are previous patients!)
- Physiology (the naltrexone implants, antagonizing opiate effects)
- Housing (ensuring patients have a place to live to start the road to recovery)
- Relationships (mending & re-building broken relationships; re-learning how to form healthy relationships)
- Education (patients are encouraged to gain an education & a christian-version of the 'Twelve Steps")
- Employment (ultimate goal of reintegration into the community with a self-sustaining not self-destructive lifestyle)
a little about doctor politics...
In addiction medicine, the buzz word that's thrown around is harm-reduction. Essentially this means to reduce risks associated with drug use without actually interfering with patient's drug behaviour. In other words its about decreasing the number of deaths caused by ODs and decreasing the spread of disease, without actually solving the problem of addiction. The current government-funded form of treatment is methadone. According to the doctors, methadone (opioid agonist) is man's best method for treating drug addiction, but if you talk to the patients, its far from the ideal. Methadone is nasty stuff, erodes & decays your teeth, decreases bone density, causes widespread aches & pains, depression & withdrawal-induced psychosis, and worst of all you're still addicted to opiates and still experience cravings. It has a horrible success rate and talking to the patients at the detox clinic, methadone is the worst stuff to detox from, far worse than heroin itself. So then one has to question why are doctors giving patients methadone if a) it destroys the patient physically b) its painfully hard to detox from and c) at the end of the day the patient is still addicted and using opiates.
There's a new emerging approach to addiction medicine which doesn't involve harm-reduction. There's no fancy word attached, it just simply believes that not only can harm be reduced, but also recovery from addiction can be made where the patient can remain opiate-free! Talking to patients who've received naltrexone (opioid antagonist) treatment, you see firsthand how effective it is! It completely stops the cravings and desires, along with the drugs' effects. The only people I've heard who are against the use of antagonist-therapy are the doctors, namely the pro-methadone doctors. Taking a step back, you'd wonder why there even is a debate. Methadone treatment: going from one type of opiate to another type of opiate. Naltrexone treatment: going from one type of opiate to none! with the emergence of antagonist therapy, pro-methadone doctors such as Alex Wodak (credited to have started the needle injection site movement) have written such charged letters to members of the Australian government basically saying they shouldn't even be thinking of funding naltrexone work (since funding for naltrexone work means less funding for methadone work). I spent a chunk of this week helping George write an affidavit, and its crazy how doctors can get so petty, juvenile, and be outright liars. As I was reading this document from Wodak speaking against naltrexone, one by one all the points he listed were lies and the worst thing was he knew it, but that didn't stop him. Sounds so petty and so wrong. Many of the patients I've talked to want to receive naltrexone therapy but its just too expensive. Its such an injustice if you think about it, that the government is denying patients from truly getting better, or at least having the option to choose! I'm sure 10 years down the road the dust will settle, but I'm inspired to see this process speed up. hrm, surveys, questionnaires & letters here we come =)
a little about some people I met...
Jason: he had been abusing alcohol since young and had been in and out of jail all his life because of the influence of alcohol. He told me the longest time he'd ever been out of jail was for 7 weeks. But after receiving treatment with a naltrexone implant, he's now been outta jail for 2 years! It's been 2 years from touching alcohol and 2 years after finding God & himself. It was pretty awesome getting to know him. He's in the process of finding a job now, just submitted his resumes and everything. How awesome :)
Peter: he has used and abused practically everything from ice, benzos, heroin, alcohol, etc since he was 13 years old and was headed in a downward spiral. he wanted out of his addiction and found George to get treated. He's now been practically drug-free for 10 years and mentors other patients who are just coming out of addiction. He's also not shy to mention the huge role God has played in transforming his life. it was so edifying to talk about God with him :) it still catches me offguard a lot of times when I meet Christians from a whole other walk of life than mine, definitely not the typical church-goer person you'd imagine. How wonderful is that!
Jessica: travelled all the way from Brisbane with some friends to receive an implant (was too expensive in Brisbane since they have to pay the full price cuz there's no George to swallow up the costs). Not a Christian and doesn't want anything to do with it, but was surprisingly so open about her relationship with her dad and how much hurt he's caused her and her family. She's struggling with forgiving her father. She gave me her mobile number so i'll have to chase her down this week :) how beautiful it would be if she finds Christ and learns to forgive and be forgiven. she noticed the HopeFoundation bracelet i was wearing, and is friends with some friends of Bronwen Healey! how wonderful it'd be to take her to hopefoundation next thursday :)
Tess: lost her boyfriend a year ago who overdosed on heroin and is having a tough time grieving. she has uncontrolled diabetes, a complication from excess heroin use, and doesn't have all that long to live (maybe 10 years max), but is trying so hard to live out a fulfilling life. I remember hugging her and feeling how frail she was. Not someone you'd expect to be around my age. George has done so much for this young girl, beyond treatment but in supporting her emotionally. He came in afterhours one day to the girls detox house just to talk to her and see how she was going. (this after finishing work around 7!)
a little about some random stuff...
This past week I baked my very FIRST cake from scratch =) and learned how to bar chords on the guitar courtesy of one of their sons Graham who taught me despite my slow intake lol. i also finished reading Deadly Money Maker by Saga McOdongo, and learned a little about the drug world in Kenya (drugs in kiswahili is 'marufuku'). Its a good read, writing of her experience locked up in jail in Kenya for drug trafficking. i've also heard the strangest song ever known to man! it makes me crack up everytime i listen to it!
a little about some things i've learned...
- live humbly knowing it is He who does a good work in us
- live joyfully each day when in plenty or in need
- have FUN joining in on God's work
- use the time we're given wisely, don't waste it!
- be patient and always be ready to forgive 70x7 times even if patients lie or disappoint you
- we receive from Him so that we can give to others, so don't hold onto the things of this world
3.11.09
I'm in Perth :)
I arrived last night at 7:45pm. It was quite the hectic morning with many bumps on the road! I set my alarm to 3am, my flight was at 5:00am, and of course i sleep through the alarm and end up waking at 4:25am. In a state of adrenalin-shock i frantically called up a taxi who gets me to the airport at 4:45am (unheard of! he drove like a madman). I run into the airport and silly me forgot to check-in the night before, and since the check-in deadline was for 4:30am.. i was too little too late. I had to pay a $50 fine (*sigh) to change the flight, but my card kept on declining. my heart sunk as i thought of the worst case scenario, that perhaps someone had gotten into my account and emptied it? but i called the bank and everything was alright.. so i'm guessing its just the magnetic strip that has gone wonky.. will have to sort it out when i get back. I wasn't sure how i was gonna pay the $50. Out of habit i never carry a credit card with me, but for some reason as i was hopelessly searching through my wallet, i found one! (strange!) so thankfully I was still able to catch a flight to Perth :) I only had some spare change in my wallet, so for the whole day i had 1 mcdonald's apple pie lol. SO DELICIOUS when u go a day without food!
When I arrived on the other end, Christine (Chris) and George (the doc I'm shadowing out here in Perth) met me at the airport with a welcome sign :) I've never met a lovelier couple than they! Greeted with warm hugs & kisses from well.. absolute strangers, yet they made me feel so absolutely at home. That same night we drove around delivering huge bags full of bread (which they often do) to some of their detox houses (which house anyone without or needing a home after receiving treatment for as long as it takes for them to get on their feet). All i can say is wow, I've never met a more radical couple! It's even more inspiring when I consider their age! They could be my grandparents, yet still they are running hard & fast for the Lord =)
I arrived last night at 7:45pm. It was quite the hectic morning with many bumps on the road! I set my alarm to 3am, my flight was at 5:00am, and of course i sleep through the alarm and end up waking at 4:25am. In a state of adrenalin-shock i frantically called up a taxi who gets me to the airport at 4:45am (unheard of! he drove like a madman). I run into the airport and silly me forgot to check-in the night before, and since the check-in deadline was for 4:30am.. i was too little too late. I had to pay a $50 fine (*sigh) to change the flight, but my card kept on declining. my heart sunk as i thought of the worst case scenario, that perhaps someone had gotten into my account and emptied it? but i called the bank and everything was alright.. so i'm guessing its just the magnetic strip that has gone wonky.. will have to sort it out when i get back. I wasn't sure how i was gonna pay the $50. Out of habit i never carry a credit card with me, but for some reason as i was hopelessly searching through my wallet, i found one! (strange!) so thankfully I was still able to catch a flight to Perth :) I only had some spare change in my wallet, so for the whole day i had 1 mcdonald's apple pie lol. SO DELICIOUS when u go a day without food!
When I arrived on the other end, Christine (Chris) and George (the doc I'm shadowing out here in Perth) met me at the airport with a welcome sign :) I've never met a lovelier couple than they! Greeted with warm hugs & kisses from well.. absolute strangers, yet they made me feel so absolutely at home. That same night we drove around delivering huge bags full of bread (which they often do) to some of their detox houses (which house anyone without or needing a home after receiving treatment for as long as it takes for them to get on their feet). All i can say is wow, I've never met a more radical couple! It's even more inspiring when I consider their age! They could be my grandparents, yet still they are running hard & fast for the Lord =)
31.10.09
why do ppl have to make things so complicated? life is simple, or at least it should be. but i guess things are done for a reason or rather ppl have their own logic/reasoning behind their actions, and so i should just stop caring & stop letting it get to me.. but i can't help but feel hurt because of it..
a friend introduced me to some christian rap a few weeks ago. in the past i was always turned off by it, it wasn't all that pretty or nice to listen to, cuz there's no nice melodic tune. but these days, i'm finding myself listening to more & more christian rap! i think the majority of the songs on my mp3 player now is rap! so strange! i'm starting to like it more cuz its like listening to a story, or someone talking to me. there's more words, so it fits more umph & more meat into the lyrics. listening to rap is like eating a very thick slab of steak vs. a deliciously delicate slice of fish. both are tastey, but sit differently in the stomach. :) rap or no rap, yay for music!
29.10.09
The doctor I'm working with has what seems like an arsenal of bible verses stored & constantly being put to use. He quotes verses left right and center. In consultations he'll bring up verses sometimes unbeknownst to the patient, for there are such pearls of wisdom buried in those pages. That and the combination of Pastor Steve's urging of 517ers to memorize bible verses has pushed me & encouraged me to start! I asked Dr. Reece how he memorizes bible verses, and he gave me this analogy (he likes using analogies, a LOT)
"Reading the Bible is like being a kid in a lollyshop. Each verse is like a lolly that you just suck on, letting it melt in your mouth" - Dr. R
It's one thing to understand a verse in mind & thought, it's a whole other thing to connect with it in heart & soul. Often I find I don't give enough heart time to connect with verses in the bible.. I'm always rushed to 'get the verse' versus letting the verse get me, if that makes any sense. I just need to give myself more time. Hopefully waking up early will help with that.
On another note, I gave blood today for the very first time! After blood giving, the clinic had awesome snacks, and over snacks a friend gave me some food for thought. "No one can do it all." My whole life I've always been a multi-tasker. I've always piled things on my plate and somehow juggled it all around. And in a weird sick way, I kinda liked running around and being busy. So cuz of that, I figured that when I got older I could perhaps keep up the same multitasking deal. But i think this friend may have gotten it right. I can't do it all. If I look a little closer at my multitasking days I find that I really didn't manage everything on my plate. as things got piled on, other things slipped off and got unnoticed or halfheartedly done. i think as i get older and responsibilities become more serious i can't afford to let things slip. and so it all comes down to priorities i guess. if only there were more hours in a day.
"Reading the Bible is like being a kid in a lollyshop. Each verse is like a lolly that you just suck on, letting it melt in your mouth" - Dr. R
It's one thing to understand a verse in mind & thought, it's a whole other thing to connect with it in heart & soul. Often I find I don't give enough heart time to connect with verses in the bible.. I'm always rushed to 'get the verse' versus letting the verse get me, if that makes any sense. I just need to give myself more time. Hopefully waking up early will help with that.
On another note, I gave blood today for the very first time! After blood giving, the clinic had awesome snacks, and over snacks a friend gave me some food for thought. "No one can do it all." My whole life I've always been a multi-tasker. I've always piled things on my plate and somehow juggled it all around. And in a weird sick way, I kinda liked running around and being busy. So cuz of that, I figured that when I got older I could perhaps keep up the same multitasking deal. But i think this friend may have gotten it right. I can't do it all. If I look a little closer at my multitasking days I find that I really didn't manage everything on my plate. as things got piled on, other things slipped off and got unnoticed or halfheartedly done. i think as i get older and responsibilities become more serious i can't afford to let things slip. and so it all comes down to priorities i guess. if only there were more hours in a day.
28.10.09
Ever since Kim & Eleasa have left 'home' it's been quite busy, which I'm glad for (makes it easier not to notice i miss them). Every day has had its share of things to do. Things aside, the most inspiring chunk of the day has always happened at the clinic.
I've just started elective with Dr. R on monday, and wow! that's really all i can say right now. so much has happened, and my thinking & beliefs are being challenged each and every way (for the better!) Its only been 3 days, but as each hour passes by my heart grows more and more in love for his patients. its the opposite from what i expected.
addiction. its horrible stuff. one wrong decision, one wrong choice, and suddenly you find yourself in a downward spiral of wrong choices and a life far from what you could ever imagine, hopeless. i've learned heroin is really expensive stuff..half a gram is around $250! i've also learned people will do absolutely anything to get it. and eventually it all leads to poverty, homelessness, crime, even prostitution...ultimately pain & suffering, all because of the driving desire to get that next hit. gosh the crime lords & gangs have prolly got the most successful business out there. its disgusting.. its just not right, its like selling nooses..
one of the patients told me her addiction or rather her 'love affair' with heroin was like someone stranded in the desert for a week without a drop of water with the midday scorching sun beating down hard on her. Her mouth is so dry, her tongue feels like a cactus stuck to the roof of her mouth. But suddenly she sees an oasis! She does everything she can to get to the water. Once she arrives she drinks furiously only to find out the water is toxic. but she's too thirsty to even care..
what an image.
there's a happy ending for this lady though. she did find the truest purest source of water (as in the big G) and Dr. R probably had some say in showing her the way :) i think its easy & 'comfortable' to become stingy with the Truth. the thing is, there are so many people around us drowning - for the harvest is plenty but the workers are few. we read this, we hear this, and perhaps if we allow ourselves to open our eyes, we see this, but what comes next? we throw lifesavers out :) but i think at least for myself, even though i have a limitless supply of lifesavers i've been stingy in throwing them out. i only give them away if someone swims up to me and asks. Dr. R is the opposite. he throws as many lifesavers out as he possibly can. he doesn't even care if you're looking away or if you don't even want it, cuz sometimes even if you don't want it or need it, a few minutes later you'll start realizing you're drowning and then you'll start looking around and grab hold of that lifesaver.
on another note. one thing i've learned is its hard to ask for prayer, its so much easier to offer. therefore i oughtta be BOLD and offer! i think spiritually i've always been kinda timid. sometimes there'd be that tug to pray or to talk about Truth (with a capital T), but never had the guts to follow through. how sad. i'm learning though, not to be so shy anymore. or rather, i'm being forced not to be so shy & encouraged by what not-being-shy even looks like! i'm still kinda in a state of shock! i get to pray with patients!! how crazy awesome is that? :) iunno if i can go back to the monotony of school now that i've seen this. how i wish i could start practicing right now.
Tomorrow, Dr. R has sent me off on a 'field-trip' to a church! :) the whole organization is called Hope Foundation. it was started by one of Dr. R's patients who struggled with heroin to the point where she sold her body to get enough cash to pay for the drug. Being on a treatment program with Dr. R was only a temporary fixer-upper. It wasn't until she found God when she gave up heroin permanently, not just in her head, but in her heart. on thursdays they have a group of women who meet up, mainly women who were or are involved with addiction and the sex trade. Women broken and hurting, but healing through God's grace :) I'm excited to meet these women tmr, to hear their stories, & how God's been working in & through them! here's a video from their website:
I've just started elective with Dr. R on monday, and wow! that's really all i can say right now. so much has happened, and my thinking & beliefs are being challenged each and every way (for the better!) Its only been 3 days, but as each hour passes by my heart grows more and more in love for his patients. its the opposite from what i expected.
addiction. its horrible stuff. one wrong decision, one wrong choice, and suddenly you find yourself in a downward spiral of wrong choices and a life far from what you could ever imagine, hopeless. i've learned heroin is really expensive stuff..half a gram is around $250! i've also learned people will do absolutely anything to get it. and eventually it all leads to poverty, homelessness, crime, even prostitution...ultimately pain & suffering, all because of the driving desire to get that next hit. gosh the crime lords & gangs have prolly got the most successful business out there. its disgusting.. its just not right, its like selling nooses..
one of the patients told me her addiction or rather her 'love affair' with heroin was like someone stranded in the desert for a week without a drop of water with the midday scorching sun beating down hard on her. Her mouth is so dry, her tongue feels like a cactus stuck to the roof of her mouth. But suddenly she sees an oasis! She does everything she can to get to the water. Once she arrives she drinks furiously only to find out the water is toxic. but she's too thirsty to even care..
what an image.
there's a happy ending for this lady though. she did find the truest purest source of water (as in the big G) and Dr. R probably had some say in showing her the way :) i think its easy & 'comfortable' to become stingy with the Truth. the thing is, there are so many people around us drowning - for the harvest is plenty but the workers are few. we read this, we hear this, and perhaps if we allow ourselves to open our eyes, we see this, but what comes next? we throw lifesavers out :) but i think at least for myself, even though i have a limitless supply of lifesavers i've been stingy in throwing them out. i only give them away if someone swims up to me and asks. Dr. R is the opposite. he throws as many lifesavers out as he possibly can. he doesn't even care if you're looking away or if you don't even want it, cuz sometimes even if you don't want it or need it, a few minutes later you'll start realizing you're drowning and then you'll start looking around and grab hold of that lifesaver.
on another note. one thing i've learned is its hard to ask for prayer, its so much easier to offer. therefore i oughtta be BOLD and offer! i think spiritually i've always been kinda timid. sometimes there'd be that tug to pray or to talk about Truth (with a capital T), but never had the guts to follow through. how sad. i'm learning though, not to be so shy anymore. or rather, i'm being forced not to be so shy & encouraged by what not-being-shy even looks like! i'm still kinda in a state of shock! i get to pray with patients!! how crazy awesome is that? :) iunno if i can go back to the monotony of school now that i've seen this. how i wish i could start practicing right now.
Tomorrow, Dr. R has sent me off on a 'field-trip' to a church! :) the whole organization is called Hope Foundation. it was started by one of Dr. R's patients who struggled with heroin to the point where she sold her body to get enough cash to pay for the drug. Being on a treatment program with Dr. R was only a temporary fixer-upper. It wasn't until she found God when she gave up heroin permanently, not just in her head, but in her heart. on thursdays they have a group of women who meet up, mainly women who were or are involved with addiction and the sex trade. Women broken and hurting, but healing through God's grace :) I'm excited to meet these women tmr, to hear their stories, & how God's been working in & through them! here's a video from their website:
On a spontaneous note, this monday I'm going to Perth to meet a man named Dr. George O'Neil! (it still seems so surreal. Dr. R was really keen for me to go & suggested the idea yesterday.. and here i am 1 day later with a ticket in hand for the coming monday!) This doctor is the guy who invented the Naltrexone implant - the thing thats truly keeping ppl off the drugs. More than that, he's a Kingdom-minded Christian who's going strong for the Lord :) He also works a lot with the homeless, even opening around 40 homes to get ppl off the streets! I'm really excited to see who he is, what he's doing, & what God's been doing there in Perth!
15.10.09
"Jesus is Lord of All
or He isn't Lord at all." ~Stephen Manley
"There's no such thing as a lukewarm Christian.
It's like saying there's dry water." ~Stephen Manley
"Is Jesus an overcoat you put on for the winter and take off for the summer?" ~Stephen Manley
"The issue isn't good or bad. It's he's not been at all." ~Stephen Manley
"Sovereign God,
Thy case, not my own, engages my heart,
and I appeal to thee with greatest freedom
to set up thy kingdom in every place where Satan reigns;
Glorify thyself and I shall rejoice,
for to bring honor to thy name is my sole desire.
I adore thee that thou are God,
and long that others should know it, feel it,
and rejoice in it.
O that all men might love and praise thee,
that thou mightst have all glory from the intelligent world!
Let sinners be brought to thee for thy dear name!
To the eye of reason everything respecting the conversion of others
is as dark as midnight,
But thou canst accomplish great things;
the cause is thine,
and it is to thy glory that men should be saved.
Lord, use me as thou wilt,
do with me what thou wilt;
but, O, promote thy cause,
let thy kingdom come,
let thy blessed interest be advanced in this world!
O do thou bring in great numbers to Jesus!
let me see that glorious day,
and give me to grasp for multitudes of souls;
let me be willing to die to that end;
and while I live let me labour for thee
to the utmost of my strength,
spending time profitably in this work,
both in health and in weakness.
It is thy cause and kingdom I long for, not my own.
O, answer thou my request!"
- Valley of Vision
wow.. what a prayer. what a calling we have. powerful stuff. hrm.. to be pondered after exams..
or He isn't Lord at all." ~Stephen Manley
"There's no such thing as a lukewarm Christian.
It's like saying there's dry water." ~Stephen Manley
"Is Jesus an overcoat you put on for the winter and take off for the summer?" ~Stephen Manley
"The issue isn't good or bad. It's he's not been at all." ~Stephen Manley
"Sovereign God,
Thy case, not my own, engages my heart,
and I appeal to thee with greatest freedom
to set up thy kingdom in every place where Satan reigns;
Glorify thyself and I shall rejoice,
for to bring honor to thy name is my sole desire.
I adore thee that thou are God,
and long that others should know it, feel it,
and rejoice in it.
O that all men might love and praise thee,
that thou mightst have all glory from the intelligent world!
Let sinners be brought to thee for thy dear name!
To the eye of reason everything respecting the conversion of others
is as dark as midnight,
But thou canst accomplish great things;
the cause is thine,
and it is to thy glory that men should be saved.
Lord, use me as thou wilt,
do with me what thou wilt;
but, O, promote thy cause,
let thy kingdom come,
let thy blessed interest be advanced in this world!
O do thou bring in great numbers to Jesus!
let me see that glorious day,
and give me to grasp for multitudes of souls;
let me be willing to die to that end;
and while I live let me labour for thee
to the utmost of my strength,
spending time profitably in this work,
both in health and in weakness.
It is thy cause and kingdom I long for, not my own.
O, answer thou my request!"
- Valley of Vision
wow.. what a prayer. what a calling we have. powerful stuff. hrm.. to be pondered after exams..
14.10.09
the kingdom of heaven is like a balloon :)
A man blows into a balloon and it expands. Air molecules in contact with the balloon surface are at the edge of balloon expansion, and air molecules in the middle of the balloon are also working to increase the balloon, pushing & supporting air molecules near the edge & expanding the balloon from within (although it may not be as noticeable). It is good to know that air molecules alone cannot do any work, but the man blowing the balloon is the ultimate source to direct & give power to expand the balloon.
We are the air molecules. God is the man blowing the balloon. Through His spirit He pushes us air molecules to do His work in expanding His Kingdom. Just as there are air molecules at the surface of the balloon and air molecules in the middle of the balloon, so there are people who go out to the ends of the earth and people who work within the community. All work together for the same cause, to expand the balloon. All powered by the same source, God. Therefore let us be like-minded, not jealous of each other's ministries, but all working together for one purpose as Kingdom-minded people. For we are all in this balloon together :)
A man blows into a balloon and it expands. Air molecules in contact with the balloon surface are at the edge of balloon expansion, and air molecules in the middle of the balloon are also working to increase the balloon, pushing & supporting air molecules near the edge & expanding the balloon from within (although it may not be as noticeable). It is good to know that air molecules alone cannot do any work, but the man blowing the balloon is the ultimate source to direct & give power to expand the balloon.
We are the air molecules. God is the man blowing the balloon. Through His spirit He pushes us air molecules to do His work in expanding His Kingdom. Just as there are air molecules at the surface of the balloon and air molecules in the middle of the balloon, so there are people who go out to the ends of the earth and people who work within the community. All work together for the same cause, to expand the balloon. All powered by the same source, God. Therefore let us be like-minded, not jealous of each other's ministries, but all working together for one purpose as Kingdom-minded people. For we are all in this balloon together :)
13.10.09
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." - Mark 12:30
.. help me grow my affections towards You, grow my understanding in You, and grow my boldness for You to put words into action.
---
by His grace, being in the Lord is enough. doing comes from the overflow. Lord let me overflow. I am ready.
.. help me grow my affections towards You, grow my understanding in You, and grow my boldness for You to put words into action.
---
by His grace, being in the Lord is enough. doing comes from the overflow. Lord let me overflow. I am ready.
12.10.09
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:22-24
"I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first." - Mark 10:29-31
"I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first." - Mark 10:29-31
11.10.09
How Deep
Sovereign Grace (Valley of Vision)
You were broken that I might be healed
You were cast off that I might draw near
You were thirsty that I might come drink
Cried out in anguish that I might sing
How deep is Your love
How high and how wide is Your mercy
How deep is Your grace
Our hearts overflow with praise
To You
You knew darkness that I might know light
Wept great tears that mine might be dried
Stripped of glory that I might be clothed
Crushed by Your Father to call me Your own
5.10.09
Good vs. Evil
I was reading through mark 3 this morning and verses 11-12 really stood out for me.
"Whenever the evil spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, "You are the Son of God." But he gave them strict orders not to tell who he was." mark3:11-12
In the movies we're used to seeing the epic battle play out between good and evil. We know at the bottom of our hearts that in the end good will always triumph. But throughout the movie, we can`t help but feel slightly worried for our hero and ambassador of good. Our hearts tighten, fists clench, and our minds go racing at the wonder of how good could possibly win over evil when they`re always seemingly shorthanded..
This is NOT the case in reality! There is NO close battle between good and evil. Evil has NO upperhand against good. In fact evil never even stood a chance, for the battle has already been won by our Lord Jesus Christ! Even more than that, evil cowers & trembles at the sight of our God. In what movie would the villain obey the hero's orders? none! Only in reality.
And so i sit here greatly encouraged by His great triumph! In Him and through Him we can do ALL things for He has already gone before us and fought the great fight. Therefore how much more shall we be spurred on to walk in the light of our faith through Jesus Christ our Lord :)
"Whenever the evil spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, "You are the Son of God." But he gave them strict orders not to tell who he was." mark3:11-12
In the movies we're used to seeing the epic battle play out between good and evil. We know at the bottom of our hearts that in the end good will always triumph. But throughout the movie, we can`t help but feel slightly worried for our hero and ambassador of good. Our hearts tighten, fists clench, and our minds go racing at the wonder of how good could possibly win over evil when they`re always seemingly shorthanded..
This is NOT the case in reality! There is NO close battle between good and evil. Evil has NO upperhand against good. In fact evil never even stood a chance, for the battle has already been won by our Lord Jesus Christ! Even more than that, evil cowers & trembles at the sight of our God. In what movie would the villain obey the hero's orders? none! Only in reality.
And so i sit here greatly encouraged by His great triumph! In Him and through Him we can do ALL things for He has already gone before us and fought the great fight. Therefore how much more shall we be spurred on to walk in the light of our faith through Jesus Christ our Lord :)
27.9.09
"Prayer is not about how big your problems are, it's about how big our God is!" -- Pastor Steve.
---
How amazing it is to think that grace upon grace is lavished on us. Not just His saving grace through Christ's death on the cross. No, more than that! We also receive his empowering grace. The same great divine power that raised Christ from the dead is in us (!) - working guiding revealing moulding & empowering all who believe. How I pray I may be able to truly take hold of this promise. May I walk in faith with furious boldness. ..but sometimes I just don't even know what boldness looks like.. please crack my shell, let me out of this cage of safe..
---
How amazing it is to think that grace upon grace is lavished on us. Not just His saving grace through Christ's death on the cross. No, more than that! We also receive his empowering grace. The same great divine power that raised Christ from the dead is in us (!) - working guiding revealing moulding & empowering all who believe. How I pray I may be able to truly take hold of this promise. May I walk in faith with furious boldness. ..but sometimes I just don't even know what boldness looks like.. please crack my shell, let me out of this cage of safe..
20.9.09
"We are to be spiritual scarecrows, warding away Satan before he has a chance to snatch the seed in our hearts thus preventing growth and fruitfulness" - Pastor Steve
....
Today in service it hit me real hard, just how powerful the gospel truly is! Thank you God that through Your Word you have given us all we need in life in regards to direction, how to live & love, more than that, how to ward off Satan, for Your word strengthens, refines, builds, and protects. It is the true truth, no it is the only truth in all the universe. It is more than mere words, it is the POWER of Christ revealed to us for the salvation of all who believe. Your words do more than inform, they transform! And so for that, all I can say is thank you. Continue to search & sieve through my life, empty out my old ways of thinking and being, and transform me to the way of life holy and pleasing to You.
....
Today in service it hit me real hard, just how powerful the gospel truly is! Thank you God that through Your Word you have given us all we need in life in regards to direction, how to live & love, more than that, how to ward off Satan, for Your word strengthens, refines, builds, and protects. It is the true truth, no it is the only truth in all the universe. It is more than mere words, it is the POWER of Christ revealed to us for the salvation of all who believe. Your words do more than inform, they transform! And so for that, all I can say is thank you. Continue to search & sieve through my life, empty out my old ways of thinking and being, and transform me to the way of life holy and pleasing to You.
19.9.09
18.7.09
so we have this Lifecourse Assignment thingy due on monday, and my brain is going through explosive diarrhea. everything i write is quite crappy lol. actually, maybe its writer's constipation, cuz nothings comin out.. :(
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today we had sunday school training from 10-3pm. before we left in the morning, i took some time to just rethink my sunday school experiences, my childhood experiences, and how HUGE it was for me to learn about Jesus' love. as a sunday school teacher, its too easy to slip into that zone of routine and you start to think that nothing you teach or say will actually make an impact, not an immediate one at least. but oh how wrong that is...
...
today we had sunday school training from 10-3pm. before we left in the morning, i took some time to just rethink my sunday school experiences, my childhood experiences, and how HUGE it was for me to learn about Jesus' love. as a sunday school teacher, its too easy to slip into that zone of routine and you start to think that nothing you teach or say will actually make an impact, not an immediate one at least. but oh how wrong that is...
17.7.09
today i saw him. i saw him walk in and my heart stopped for a second. and then the moment passed and i walked away. i guess thats the way life is - things here and there will catch you out of nowhere and you pause for a second, but in the end you can't stay standing still forever, you just have to keep on moving forward.
unfortunately, this week has been one very long pause for me. i just wanted time to stop, and it did in a way. i hermited myself at home, and kind of became enveloped in some sort of state of self-pity while being immobilized by a complete sense of apathy. how sad. but thank God he pulled me out. Finally at the end of it all, i feel like i've found myself. for a second i thought i lost it when i became a child with no voice and no choice. but perhaps instead of seeing things from the bottom of this well, i ought to step out and see the greater picture. God's plan for me is not limited by anything. I ought to stop focusing on that which is not important in the grand scheme of things, even though its kinda hard to do.
thank you housemates. i've been an emotional ball this week. but i think i'm doing better..
unfortunately, this week has been one very long pause for me. i just wanted time to stop, and it did in a way. i hermited myself at home, and kind of became enveloped in some sort of state of self-pity while being immobilized by a complete sense of apathy. how sad. but thank God he pulled me out. Finally at the end of it all, i feel like i've found myself. for a second i thought i lost it when i became a child with no voice and no choice. but perhaps instead of seeing things from the bottom of this well, i ought to step out and see the greater picture. God's plan for me is not limited by anything. I ought to stop focusing on that which is not important in the grand scheme of things, even though its kinda hard to do.
thank you housemates. i've been an emotional ball this week. but i think i'm doing better..
6.7.09
I just finished reading Unbreakable, a biography of Steve Cattell, a criminal from Britain who broke free from the chains of addiction - his addiction being to crime.2 things struck me from this book. (1) how REAL the power of prayer is (& persistance goes a long way). (2) churchianity blows...
Throughout the later part of Steve's life, a friend of his who was an ex-convict now turned born-again Christian, was praying long & hard for Steve. Not only just praying but also preaching and reaching out many arms, arms bearing truth of the gospel and a higher love who was asking him to repent his sins and become clean. He did this so much to the point where Steve kinda got sick of hearing it all, but despite that, those seeds were sown, and Steve at his breaking point decided that maybe just maybe his friend was saying something true and so he tried calling out to God in help. God answered. and through revelation upon revelation, Steve repented and committed his life fully to the work of the Lord.
"so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him. He doesn't play hide-and-seek with us. He's not remote; he's near." Acts 17:27 Msg
When Steve had become a new Christian, although he & his past lifestyle & current struggle were embraced by the pastor, still the whole congregation would keep him at a comfortable arm's distance from themselves. yes people would say hello and goodbye courteously, but beyond that, nothing. no one extended an arm to him, there were no invitations, and no interest in him & his story & life. he didn't speak Churchinese like the others, he was just different, and so he'd just be left out.. to the point where he'd go home and cry. A full grown man crying! not only that but a convict who had tried so hard his whole life to make his heart stone, to never let anything 'get to him', to not be riddled with emotions which were a sign of weakness; this was the same man who went to bed crying. wow, sad how we can be so cruel without even knowing it.. we try so hard to conform ourselves to Churchianity that we get scared whenever we see anything that's different from us. we forget about Christ and his unfailing love for all, especially for those who never fit into the cookie cutter mold of things.
1.7.09
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children -- with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --psalm 103:8-12,17-18
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children -- with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --psalm 103:8-12,17-18
24.6.09
today I got the chance to shadow a Christian doctor who specializes in Addiction Medicine. He's someone I'd classify as a radical Christian, someone who's so strongly rooted in the Word, running against the mainstream current of culture and society. WOW! that's really all i can say about this man. The backstory on this guy: he runs the health center all by himself (which is nuts considering the sheer number of patients he has waiting to see him!), he starts work at 7am in the morning, and finishes around 7-8pm at night, he sees so many patients and is always short for time, yet always makes time for all his patients. More than that, he always makes time to preach the gospel and to pray!
For a long time, i've been struggling with how my calling can be one that is used for His kingdom. I've talked to a few Christian doctors before about this... and it seemed the consensus was: do your job well, show compassion, and heal them.. and maybe just maybe they'll see a difference in you from other doctors, maybe just maybe they'll ask about what you believe in, maybe just maybe you'll get to share your faith... but i'm not one for the maybes. today, i finally got my answer, that yes, indeed we CAN be bold for Him (even in a medicolegal way!).
it was amazing to join the ride on the God-train today and to see God work in these peoples lives. these people who, by society's standards, are considered trash, garbage to be taken out and pushed out of sight. BUT this doctor helped pierce straight through their problems of addiction to the core & root of it all, that God needs to be in their lives. There was this woman who came in today in her late 30s. she's a heroin addict and victim of abuse on the road to recovery. i still remember what she said.
"When you're 16, young and naive, you believe all the lies that life & happiness is all about the sex, the booze, and the drugs, and for a while you truly believe & live the 'good' life, but then there comes a day when you wake up from the nightmare, and all you see is brokeness, pain, a shattered life and a shattered image of who you once were."
we prayed for this woman. for her and her sister who also was led astray to the life of heroin. i remember praying over her and being so taken over with the Spirit that i didn't even know what i was speaking about cuz the words were just coming out of my mouth so fast (usually i'm a slow quiet ponderer of a prayerer). But wow, today I saw 2 women come to Christ right there! After prayer, tears of joy were rolling from their eyes, knowing that yes we are made new & clean & beautiful through Christ's blood shed for us. More than that, all the lies and the grip that heroin holds on them is something that is conquerable, conquerable through Christ!
There were a lot of other God moments that happened today in the center. For example, this one homeless girl who's been hopping from shelter to shelter, and who's life for a long while now has been claimed by heroin came in today. After giving her life to the Lord 10 days ago, her life has done a 180 turn! she found a job, found a place to live, and is now receiving treatment to get her addiction under control. WOW! we prayed with her and just shared in our joy for her life that has been so miraculously transformed!
For a long time, i've been struggling with how my calling can be one that is used for His kingdom. I've talked to a few Christian doctors before about this... and it seemed the consensus was: do your job well, show compassion, and heal them.. and maybe just maybe they'll see a difference in you from other doctors, maybe just maybe they'll ask about what you believe in, maybe just maybe you'll get to share your faith... but i'm not one for the maybes. today, i finally got my answer, that yes, indeed we CAN be bold for Him (even in a medicolegal way!).
it was amazing to join the ride on the God-train today and to see God work in these peoples lives. these people who, by society's standards, are considered trash, garbage to be taken out and pushed out of sight. BUT this doctor helped pierce straight through their problems of addiction to the core & root of it all, that God needs to be in their lives. There was this woman who came in today in her late 30s. she's a heroin addict and victim of abuse on the road to recovery. i still remember what she said.
"When you're 16, young and naive, you believe all the lies that life & happiness is all about the sex, the booze, and the drugs, and for a while you truly believe & live the 'good' life, but then there comes a day when you wake up from the nightmare, and all you see is brokeness, pain, a shattered life and a shattered image of who you once were."
we prayed for this woman. for her and her sister who also was led astray to the life of heroin. i remember praying over her and being so taken over with the Spirit that i didn't even know what i was speaking about cuz the words were just coming out of my mouth so fast (usually i'm a slow quiet ponderer of a prayerer). But wow, today I saw 2 women come to Christ right there! After prayer, tears of joy were rolling from their eyes, knowing that yes we are made new & clean & beautiful through Christ's blood shed for us. More than that, all the lies and the grip that heroin holds on them is something that is conquerable, conquerable through Christ!
There were a lot of other God moments that happened today in the center. For example, this one homeless girl who's been hopping from shelter to shelter, and who's life for a long while now has been claimed by heroin came in today. After giving her life to the Lord 10 days ago, her life has done a 180 turn! she found a job, found a place to live, and is now receiving treatment to get her addiction under control. WOW! we prayed with her and just shared in our joy for her life that has been so miraculously transformed!
this and more, that is why just thinking through the day, i couldn't and can't help but be overflowing with pure joy knowing that God is doing amazing things, that He is Good, REALLY Good, and truly Sovereign even in the most seemingly hopeless lives.
today reminded me that,
it's not about medicine.
it's all about His work, His mission, His kingdom here on earth.
it's not about me.
it's all about Him!
it's not about medicine.
it's all about His work, His mission, His kingdom here on earth.
it's not about me.
it's all about Him!
!Praise God in all that He does despite all we lack!
31.5.09
23.5.09
It's final, I'm here for good, err... at least for a while now.
rejection is never easy to hear. a part of you wonders and doubts yourself and who you are as a person and whether or not you're 'good' enough. and you begin to think to yourself, what's wrong with me? why her, why him, yet why not me? all these questions swirl in your head and for a moment its easy to give in to thinking that perhaps I'm not good enough, perhaps i'll never be good enough. and before you take notice, these thoughts start eating away at you, and so you stomp your foot down in retaliation to stop these thoughts from flowing in.
I am who He made me to be. (even in all i lack)
I am where He wanted me to be. (even though my heart aches to be home)
I am doing what He wanted me to do. (even though I'm struggling to stay afloat)
and so, praise be to God, Creator & Maker of all things, who knows and sees and wills all things into being.
rejection is never easy to hear. a part of you wonders and doubts yourself and who you are as a person and whether or not you're 'good' enough. and you begin to think to yourself, what's wrong with me? why her, why him, yet why not me? all these questions swirl in your head and for a moment its easy to give in to thinking that perhaps I'm not good enough, perhaps i'll never be good enough. and before you take notice, these thoughts start eating away at you, and so you stomp your foot down in retaliation to stop these thoughts from flowing in.
I am who He made me to be. (even in all i lack)
I am where He wanted me to be. (even though my heart aches to be home)
I am doing what He wanted me to do. (even though I'm struggling to stay afloat)
and so, praise be to God, Creator & Maker of all things, who knows and sees and wills all things into being.
9.5.09
5 days left.
I haven't been allowing myself to think about the possibility of leaving here. But there are moments that come and go, where I yearn so deeply to go back. Yet at the same time, I've slowly but surely (and with much initial inner hesitation) allowed myself to let my roots grow deeper and deeper here. I close my eyes and see two different roads before me, each leading away from each other. But I look a bit further and am at peace knowing that although these roads may diverge at this point in my life, they will meet up again. For although location may or may not change, that doesn't change the Lord's plan for my life. For it is Him who leads me on this path of life. Even though I may not know what tomorrow brings, it is He who has been and will always be my guide, who will keep me from falling and keep me close to His heart so that surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of my days. What a comforting promise indeed! :)
3.5.09
Yesterday, a friend from Queen's who's doing YWAM training in the goldcoast, came to visit Eleasa and I up here in Brisbane. It was wonderful seeing him - my face completely lit up and a whole flood of memories from my kingston days resurfaced again. Hearing all his stories and seeing how God has been working through him and revealing himself so clearly to him greatly encouraged me. I was reminded yet again that our God is the GREAT God from ages past, who is who He is, able to do all things miraculous and wonderful, whose mighty power was not just a thing of the past, but rather He is God with us, working to this day to make His presence known and bring glory to His name. :) How awesome!
30.4.09
God is good :)
so very very good :)
despite not knowing where we'll be going (immediately or further in the future), Thank God we can be certain in Him and our ultimate path no matter what, for there is certainty within uncertainty in this world. What a delight that is to know :)
"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:2
so very very good :)
despite not knowing where we'll be going (immediately or further in the future), Thank God we can be certain in Him and our ultimate path no matter what, for there is certainty within uncertainty in this world. What a delight that is to know :)
"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:2
28.4.09
thoughts...
Abandoning myself to God means refusing to have the luxury of asking questions.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing grander than having a life that is hid with Christ in God.
I am blocked from complete abandonment perhaps because of disobedience or because I refuse to be simple enough.
again... it all comes down to:
God loves me.
Therefore I love God.
To be completely abandoned to Him means to know and understand the depth of who He is and what He has done for me, and then for me to act accordingly in response to that.
Abandoning myself to God means refusing to have the luxury of asking questions.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing grander than having a life that is hid with Christ in God.
I am blocked from complete abandonment perhaps because of disobedience or because I refuse to be simple enough.
again... it all comes down to:
God loves me.
Therefore I love God.
To be completely abandoned to Him means to know and understand the depth of who He is and what He has done for me, and then for me to act accordingly in response to that.
26.4.09
At the core of Christian living, it is faith. But being a Christian is more than just having faith. It's chasing after obedience and holiness, and as a result of that, a fruitful well-grounded way of life grows out from our rooted faith. More specifically, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love become increasingly more evident in our lives.
"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.
For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:5-8
"Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall" 2 Peter 1:10
I pray I may be diligent, unceasing & relentlessly persistent in adding to my faith, not backsliding towards apathy, complacency, self-righteousness, pride, or a crumbling faith built on sand with only love for myself and no one else...
"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.
For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:5-8
"Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall" 2 Peter 1:10
I pray I may be diligent, unceasing & relentlessly persistent in adding to my faith, not backsliding towards apathy, complacency, self-righteousness, pride, or a crumbling faith built on sand with only love for myself and no one else...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sow a thought, reap an act.
Sow an act, reap a habit.
Sow a habit, reap a character.
Sow a character, reap a destiny."
"Sow a thought, reap an act.
Sow an act, reap a habit.
Sow a habit, reap a character.
Sow a character, reap a destiny."
- Samuel Smiles
In the past, these 4 lines written above gave me peace and reassurance. However, over this weekend, these lines kept on popping up in my head, but for different reasons, for a different purpose this time. They challenged me to open my eyes yet again, and see exactly WHO I am and WHY I am on this earth. I am His. I am here for Him. It's so simple. Yet, how could I forget? How could I give Him anything less than 100% of my entire being? I truly yearn to know His Word inside out, to be living a life glorifying to Him, to be reaching out and bringing people into His kingdom, to reignite that sense of burden in being so deeply moved to share the gospel with a friend or a stranger. I yearn for God to use me fully and for me to be recklessly and wholly abandoned to His will.
.
Everything comes secondary to the will of God and His Kingdom here on earth. I pray that my passion in life would be solely that and that alone. Lord, let Thy kingdom come, and let Your will be done on earth and throughout my life.
23.4.09
During stress-inducing moments of anxiety, Lord let me lean on You alone. May I humble myself knowing full well that my life is completely under Your mighty hand. May I stand firm knowing full well that I am not alone,but rather I am surrounded by grace. Restore me Lord, build my faith upon rock, deeply root my mind and spirit into Your truth, and lead me to the life everlasting.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." -- 1 Peter 5:6-10
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." -- 1 Peter 5:6-10
22.4.09
I need to be more mindful of what I do, what I say, how I come off to others, so that in all things God may be praised!
"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-11
"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-11
21.4.09
"Frida: Chosen to Die, Destined to Live." These past few days, I've been allowing myself to escape into the life of Gashumba Frida, a survivor of the Rwandan genocide. Quite often, I find myself separating head and heart when it comes to reading about the atrocities of this world. It's easy to look at 'history' and separate one's self from it, for its just something written on paper, something that has no immediate effect on me, something that is too distant to fully comprehend or fully care. As a result, 'history' just becomes facts or statistics, and the full flood of weight that it bears is lost.
However, yesterday as I was reading, I broke into sobs and was unable to stop the tears from flowing down my face. To imagine that the red line between Hutus and Tutsis caused neighbours to turn against neighbours, friends against friends, even to see "Christians" killing other Christians.. it all sickened me to the core and made me want to throw up. And then for a father to witness his whole family die before him, that thought was what opened the floodgates for me. I can't imagine how any human being could be so... monstrous, so evil, so disgustingly inhuman to kill even grandmothers, grandfathers, pregnant mothers, children, and even babies... worse than that, they did it so cruelly, trying to inflict as much pain as possible. Yet despite this, there were people like Frida's grandfather who started singing hymns while being marched towards death's door, who had faith in God till the very bloody end, who even preached the gospel of God's grace through His Son Jesus Christ to his murderers.
I close my eyes, and place myself in midst of the Rwandan genocide, and all I can do is cry. What horrible creatures we are! That we are capable of such immense evil is revolting and saddening. If anything, it shows how much we need God in our lives; for without God all that is left is evil and we become deplorable creatures with no sense of conscience, no heart, no soul, and worst of all.. no hope.
20.4.09
"Take the good out of the murky"
It's not good to care so much about our outward selves, that we forget our inward selves. Then again its not good to not care about our outward selves such that we don't even respect our body or appreciate the beauty that we are part of God's creation. The answer is not black and white. Wearing bummy clothes and never combing our hair is not what Peter's asking. He's asking that we remember where our TRUE beauty lies; he's asking us to examine ourselves and ask the tough questions 'Does outward beauty matter more than inward beauty to us?', 'Are we putting more effort inwards than we do outwards?'. Really it all boils down to one question, 'Where do our hearts lie? In ourselves or in God?'
Therefore its good to love our outward selves and appreciate the fact that we are God's creation, while seeking and searching to conform our inward selves to the beauty of Christ-likeness through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4
It's not good to care so much about our outward selves, that we forget our inward selves. Then again its not good to not care about our outward selves such that we don't even respect our body or appreciate the beauty that we are part of God's creation. The answer is not black and white. Wearing bummy clothes and never combing our hair is not what Peter's asking. He's asking that we remember where our TRUE beauty lies; he's asking us to examine ourselves and ask the tough questions 'Does outward beauty matter more than inward beauty to us?', 'Are we putting more effort inwards than we do outwards?'. Really it all boils down to one question, 'Where do our hearts lie? In ourselves or in God?'
Therefore its good to love our outward selves and appreciate the fact that we are God's creation, while seeking and searching to conform our inward selves to the beauty of Christ-likeness through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4
19.4.09
Who am I?
I am God's.
That's who I am.
What a liberating and comforting thought. Therefore, in tough times, I ought to bear it and endure it, all the while placing my trust completely in Him who sits enthroned above.
"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light" - 1 Peter 2:9
"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls" - 1 Peter 2:23-25
I am God's.
That's who I am.
What a liberating and comforting thought. Therefore, in tough times, I ought to bear it and endure it, all the while placing my trust completely in Him who sits enthroned above.
"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light" - 1 Peter 2:9
"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls" - 1 Peter 2:23-25
17.4.09
I remember a time when being filled to the brim with joy was such a huge part of who I was as a Christian. That was then, and here I am now, trying to re-light this dampened wick to my soul. I truly do wish to get back to being filled with an "inexpressible and glorious joy" for having received salvation and for being filled with the Holy Spirit.
I think often times, I downplay the role of the Spirit in my life. Yet what a tragedy. For the Spirit convicts our hearts, transforms our minds, empowers us and keeps us in step with God bestowing unto us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And so today I pray to the Spirit to fill my heart again with joy, true joy in having my hope fully set on the grace given to me through Jesus Christ our Lord.
"Christian life is all about plodding". I know that it's okay to have 'bleh' days and 'bleh' emotions, yet despite that, true joy should never fade despite circumstances. I've taken up Keiyeng's advice, and I've started each day by praying that despite how 'bleh' I may be feeling, or how trying the day may be, I choose to trust in the Lord, to have my hopes set on Him and His perfect will. And I just pray that in time, that hope will be enough for my heart to be set ablaze with inner joy, no matter how grey the day may be.
"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." - 1 Peter 1:8-9
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed" - 1 Peter 1:13
I think often times, I downplay the role of the Spirit in my life. Yet what a tragedy. For the Spirit convicts our hearts, transforms our minds, empowers us and keeps us in step with God bestowing unto us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And so today I pray to the Spirit to fill my heart again with joy, true joy in having my hope fully set on the grace given to me through Jesus Christ our Lord.
"Christian life is all about plodding". I know that it's okay to have 'bleh' days and 'bleh' emotions, yet despite that, true joy should never fade despite circumstances. I've taken up Keiyeng's advice, and I've started each day by praying that despite how 'bleh' I may be feeling, or how trying the day may be, I choose to trust in the Lord, to have my hopes set on Him and His perfect will. And I just pray that in time, that hope will be enough for my heart to be set ablaze with inner joy, no matter how grey the day may be.
"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." - 1 Peter 1:8-9
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed" - 1 Peter 1:13
16.4.09
Today I spent the afternoon with Keiyeng, a lovely insightful & godly woman. She said a few things that really made these wheels in my head turn. They are things I am determined not to leave on the shelf, things i don't just want to be fascinated by and then turn a blind eye, but things I hope to dwell on further in order to resolve this inner constant struggle of living out a life that glorifies Him.
So what were some of the things said?
1. It's easy to hide behind the veneer of 'ministry' and 'Christian-ness' in order to compensate or cover up our faults and underlying sins, or perhaps just to busy ourselves from getting a chance to really know who we are
2. It's tempting to draw a line between black and white, but its important to remember that perhaps black and white is not necessarily the answer. Sometimes taking the good out and separating it from the murky is what is needed.
3. Faith in God is Trust in God. To live a life of faith doesn't mean soaring and flying high like we often hear from those great men and women of faith, but rather "Christian living is all about plodding". It's about waking up each day, no matter how ugly and burden-filled it may be, yet choosing to trust in Him and trudge through the day.
May these insights not just be left at that, collecting dust in the archives of some blog, but rather, I pray this newfound insight would boost me up in my walk of faith.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Test me and know my anxious thoughts! See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! - Psalm 139:23-24
So what were some of the things said?
1. It's easy to hide behind the veneer of 'ministry' and 'Christian-ness' in order to compensate or cover up our faults and underlying sins, or perhaps just to busy ourselves from getting a chance to really know who we are
2. It's tempting to draw a line between black and white, but its important to remember that perhaps black and white is not necessarily the answer. Sometimes taking the good out and separating it from the murky is what is needed.
3. Faith in God is Trust in God. To live a life of faith doesn't mean soaring and flying high like we often hear from those great men and women of faith, but rather "Christian living is all about plodding". It's about waking up each day, no matter how ugly and burden-filled it may be, yet choosing to trust in Him and trudge through the day.
May these insights not just be left at that, collecting dust in the archives of some blog, but rather, I pray this newfound insight would boost me up in my walk of faith.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Test me and know my anxious thoughts! See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! - Psalm 139:23-24
12.4.09
"Any strand of our own energy will blur the life of Jesus. We have to keep letting go, and slowly and surely the great full life of God will invade us in every part, and men will take knowledge of us that we have been with Jesus" - Oswald Chambers
although i still feel homesick, its not crippling me anymore. three things i've learned.
1) its normal to feel homesick. feeling this way doesn't lesson my faith in any way...
2) i need to learn to let go. not that i need to let go of my love for home, but rather i ought to let go of my dependance on home. although its okay to feel homesick, it's not okay to let it consume me.
3) "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" 2 cor 1:2-4
Thank you God for helping me through this time and for placing people in my life at this moment who have been such an encouragement and lifter of my downtrodden soul.
although i still feel homesick, its not crippling me anymore. three things i've learned.
1) its normal to feel homesick. feeling this way doesn't lesson my faith in any way...
2) i need to learn to let go. not that i need to let go of my love for home, but rather i ought to let go of my dependance on home. although its okay to feel homesick, it's not okay to let it consume me.
3) "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" 2 cor 1:2-4
Thank you God for helping me through this time and for placing people in my life at this moment who have been such an encouragement and lifter of my downtrodden soul.
10.4.09
i'm struggling right now.
i miss mittens & scarves, cottonball snowflakes, that crisp smell of autumn air, falling leaves of red yellow and orange, walking on Johnson Street to church early on sunday mornings, opening the side door to KCAC and hearing the sqeak that accompanies it, worship leading, closing my eyes and being able to sing familiar praise songs that I know the words to, holding hands and receiving limitless hugs, walking down my street and finding a friend, my crying buddy who understands my times of silence, my nighttime buddy and gigglefriend, my twin and beloved sister, my parents who are always constantly there for me, calling home anytime i want to and not being jailed in by these huge time differences, being real and not having to explain who I am or where I come from, 'boob tag', true uncovered non-PC non-filtered real and transparent fellowship, having my heart stirred so passionately for the homeless, being brought to tears by the pain in this world, being on-fire for God and His kingdom, having life-altering Spirit-evoking heart-molding epiphanies...i miss family, i miss friends, i miss familiarity, but most importantly.... i miss God.
i feel like my faith is so weak and so crippled that its cracking right now. Under the weight of being homesick and of feeling completely lost not to mention being overwhelmed with work, my knees are buckling and I am crying out to You Lord. For a large part without my even knowing it, i've leaned onto my past to see God's faithfulness; as if what He has done for me in my life is what defines Him. I've used my past for so long as a crutch, but i don't think its holding me up anymore, i need to see God beyond the confines of the box I've put Him in and remove these crutches so i can start running already..
iunno how, but bit by bit, I've become dulled and numbed inside. I can't hear or see the pain and suffering around me. I've lost that sensitivity, I've lost my heart - not just to the world but also to the gospel. ...this year, Good Friday was very different for me. In the past, closing my eyes and reliving what happened to Jesus Christ many years ago would put me to tears. Tears of sadness knowing He had to suffer so much for us.. for me. yet tears of joy, knowing full well that because of Him I have new life, because of Him I have hope - for Jesus Christ was forsaken so that I never need be. Although faith is more than just emotions, its a very dangerous place to be when the gospel loses its immensity, when your heart becomes numbed to the great sacrifice made in our place, to the great love extended out to us. Today and for a while now without really knowing it, I've become that numbed heart. This morning, I came to church with a mind preoccupied with everything... everything but Jesus, and with a heart too dulled to feel anything. But I left church with the Spirit imprinting my heart and soul with the urgency to get back onto these tracks, to keep persisting in this race of faith. So today, I meet You at the cross again, begging that You would fill my life with the knowledge of Your glory and Your truth. My prayer is this, that You O Lord would be more real to me than ever, that I would know You deeper and deeper beyond any 'experience' and beyond any 'feeling'. Recreate this cracking faith of mine, transform this sand into rock...
i miss mittens & scarves, cottonball snowflakes, that crisp smell of autumn air, falling leaves of red yellow and orange, walking on Johnson Street to church early on sunday mornings, opening the side door to KCAC and hearing the sqeak that accompanies it, worship leading, closing my eyes and being able to sing familiar praise songs that I know the words to, holding hands and receiving limitless hugs, walking down my street and finding a friend, my crying buddy who understands my times of silence, my nighttime buddy and gigglefriend, my twin and beloved sister, my parents who are always constantly there for me, calling home anytime i want to and not being jailed in by these huge time differences, being real and not having to explain who I am or where I come from, 'boob tag', true uncovered non-PC non-filtered real and transparent fellowship, having my heart stirred so passionately for the homeless, being brought to tears by the pain in this world, being on-fire for God and His kingdom, having life-altering Spirit-evoking heart-molding epiphanies...i miss family, i miss friends, i miss familiarity, but most importantly.... i miss God.
i feel like my faith is so weak and so crippled that its cracking right now. Under the weight of being homesick and of feeling completely lost not to mention being overwhelmed with work, my knees are buckling and I am crying out to You Lord. For a large part without my even knowing it, i've leaned onto my past to see God's faithfulness; as if what He has done for me in my life is what defines Him. I've used my past for so long as a crutch, but i don't think its holding me up anymore, i need to see God beyond the confines of the box I've put Him in and remove these crutches so i can start running already..
iunno how, but bit by bit, I've become dulled and numbed inside. I can't hear or see the pain and suffering around me. I've lost that sensitivity, I've lost my heart - not just to the world but also to the gospel. ...this year, Good Friday was very different for me. In the past, closing my eyes and reliving what happened to Jesus Christ many years ago would put me to tears. Tears of sadness knowing He had to suffer so much for us.. for me. yet tears of joy, knowing full well that because of Him I have new life, because of Him I have hope - for Jesus Christ was forsaken so that I never need be. Although faith is more than just emotions, its a very dangerous place to be when the gospel loses its immensity, when your heart becomes numbed to the great sacrifice made in our place, to the great love extended out to us. Today and for a while now without really knowing it, I've become that numbed heart. This morning, I came to church with a mind preoccupied with everything... everything but Jesus, and with a heart too dulled to feel anything. But I left church with the Spirit imprinting my heart and soul with the urgency to get back onto these tracks, to keep persisting in this race of faith. So today, I meet You at the cross again, begging that You would fill my life with the knowledge of Your glory and Your truth. My prayer is this, that You O Lord would be more real to me than ever, that I would know You deeper and deeper beyond any 'experience' and beyond any 'feeling'. Recreate this cracking faith of mine, transform this sand into rock...
4.2.09
"They honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me: We can appear to draw near to God, all the while having our heart far from Him. When we look at the lives of others, we are often seduced by mere appearance and image.
God is interested in the internal and the real, yet we are far more interested in the external and the image..." -- David Guzik (on Matt15:7-9)
5.1.09
God is so good! and by good I mean AMAZING, WONDERFUL, AWESOME!
i landed in australia on Jan 4th, my dad's birthday, at 7:30am. but even before i landed, on the plane i already slowly started falling in love. there were about 10-12 of us all from Canada sitting together about to embark on this adventure called UQ Meds. unlike what i've heard about the ppl at canadian medschools, these guys and gals were so chill, so helpful, so nice! I know i'll love this place because i'm confident the ppl in our meds class will be supportive of each other... none of that awful backstabbing or 'fakeness' or masked intentions, etc.
after landing, Auntie Yin Leng picked me up from the airport. She had even sent me a picture of her car and herself, what she'd be wearing, her license plate number, etc. Her being so thorough completely put me at ease. She was a godsend, being the first lady I met in Australia. What a wonderful lady who gave me a crash course in aussie culture and brisbane landmarks.
We drove immediately to the church, and there i fell in love yet again, this time with the preaching. During service, the pastor (Pastor Steve) said something so quotable. It reminded me of what I myself need to be and do. "There is a time to walk away, there is a time to rebuke, but always and in all things there is a time to love." and then he also talked about what the condition of our head and heart were at. That we all need to be hard-headed but soft-hearted. no other combination will do. I pray that in all I do, i would be able to do it with the love of Christ in my heart, yet at the same time, my morals and values, my way of thinking, my roots in the Lord would never be uprooted. May I be grounded. Lord grant me thy strength to persevere and grow even stronger in your Word and love.
After church, I met many wonderful people who were so welcoming. I truly felt at home. Yet all the while, i felt so surreal about everything. I had just landed and already i was worshipping with Christians here in Australia. God is good in that no matter the distance, the blood of your Son has connected us all into your kingdom... and there need not be fear about foreign places so long as your Word still is thriving here.
After church, Keiyeng (the pastor's wife, and one really cool lady) brought me out. we bought a cellphone. went shopping at wooly's (short for woolworths - a grocery store). Everything looked the same yet different! take for example:
After shopping, I got ahold of Eleasa and went to stay with her and her parents at the Rydges hotel in south banks. What a deal! We stayed at the king suite which normally would've cost ~$400, but cuz Uncle Simon is awesome, found a deal online, then upgraded, we only had to pay ~$200 for the room. WOW! We walked around for a bit by the bank. and wow, I fell in love with australia right then and there i think. I breathed in the air, looked around at the people who were all leisurely walking and just enjoying life, then looked out to the beauty of the city perfectly mixed with the beauty of nature. It was glorious!
We had dinner that night at Ginga (trademark restaurant for the South Bank). It was delicious! And afterwards, we all went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at the movie theatre. tix were CHEAP! only $5.50 for students, which then would translate to only $5 canadian? wow eh? its double in canada! but then again, it was no silvercity. the movie screen was quite tiny, and the theatre where we sat at was also quite tiny. i must admit though, i totally slept through the whole movie! given 10pm here in brissy was 4am in victoria! After the movie, I don't really remember how i got home.. must've stumbled my way through. but i do remember landing on the bed and being knocked out after that.
The next day, ie. my 2nd day in australia! WE FOUND A HOUSE!!!! it is a beautiful house! in fact I'm writing this blog entry from my new room. God is so good :) What would normally take a week or 2 to find the perfect house, not to settle, etc. took us only ONE DAY!!!!! How crazy is that?! Let me describe this house: its a 5 minute walk away from campus (maybe even closer cuz i can SEE one of UQ's buildings from here!), there's "the village" (a collection of stores - grocery store (i.e. Coles.. nope not the bookstore! it sells Food for body not food for thought lol).... the postoffice, the beer store (lol), and various restaurants in case we students don't feel like cooking) this village is only a 4 minute walk away from our place!!! crazy no?! that and all the bus stations are there at the village, so it'll be easy for us to get out into the city :) Also to note, the average renting price in this area (called St. Lucia) is $200+. guess how much we're paying? keep in mind its a FULLY furnished place! has everything - even cooking/eating utensils, TV (that has cable! for FREE i might add lol), couches, beds, desks, chairs, lamps) well it costs $165!! wow no? i think so! Then to add more, our landlady is ALSO a Christian!! a very devout one who has been praying for nice Christian girls to rent out her place. Apparently she replied to my email because my name "grace" sounded very nice lol. Lucky us :) So God was absolutely smiling down on us with His favour that day (i guess it would be yesterday). In total there are 5 girls living here, no boys so i don't have to worry my parents or myself ! They are very nice from what i've seen so far! Also did i mention the house was gorgeous? here are a few pics i took last night!
So yes, now it is 8:19am on January 6th, 2009. My third day here in Brisbane. Today we have a welcome/international student seminar + barbecue (btw, they call bbqs, "barbie's" here! strange! lol) i shall write more later :)
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