God why are you such a faithful God? oh ya, its cuz you're God, a GREAT God, THE God. It just dawned on me, Lord, you've answered all my prayers regarding KCAC worship. You've answered them ALL completely... even the ones that failed to reach my consciousness. Last Sunday, Fei just came up to me and asked if she could help with worship this year. Funny how you knew I needed more vocalists, and voila, you sent one STRAIGHT to me! So God, I thank you for everything.. and I devote this next year to you! No matter what happens with worship at KCAC, I will continue serving you with joy because you O Lord are MOST worthy of my praise, you O Lord are most deserving of my service, and I will give you my all wholeheartedly.
Lord.. keep me strong this year. I don't want to be burned out, I don't want to give in to worry.. most importantly, i don't want to become prideful. Lord keep me humble throughout it all.. to recognize it is YOU who has given everything, and it is YOU who can so easily strip it away
5.9.06
26.8.06
heaven's song
Trees waving,
Butterflies dancing,
Flowers smiling.
Birds chirping,
Wind blowing,
Sun beaming,
Children laughing,
All to the lull of Heaven's song
.. ever have that feeling, like you're in a movie? not only that, but it feels like there's music continuously playing in the background, just like during those emotional teary-eyed moments or transitory scenes in a TV drama. i was walking home today, and sat down for a long while on a park bench, just sitting and listening and thinking.. trying to take in everything at once. and i heard it. i heard an echo of Heaven's song, and it was beautiful. hearing children laugh, birds sing, trees waving their hands, the wind weaving through the grass, butterflies and bumblebees fluttering to each smiling flower, everything, everything was all so beautiful, and my heart felt content and complete. i thought it'd be tough at first, but it isn't, not anymore. I wouldn't mind staying like this forever, maybe i can. if it's in your will i guess, but at this very moment, i wouldn't mind. thank you for holding my heart, my whole heart.
Butterflies dancing,
Flowers smiling.
Birds chirping,
Wind blowing,
Sun beaming,
Children laughing,
All to the lull of Heaven's song
.. ever have that feeling, like you're in a movie? not only that, but it feels like there's music continuously playing in the background, just like during those emotional teary-eyed moments or transitory scenes in a TV drama. i was walking home today, and sat down for a long while on a park bench, just sitting and listening and thinking.. trying to take in everything at once. and i heard it. i heard an echo of Heaven's song, and it was beautiful. hearing children laugh, birds sing, trees waving their hands, the wind weaving through the grass, butterflies and bumblebees fluttering to each smiling flower, everything, everything was all so beautiful, and my heart felt content and complete. i thought it'd be tough at first, but it isn't, not anymore. I wouldn't mind staying like this forever, maybe i can. if it's in your will i guess, but at this very moment, i wouldn't mind. thank you for holding my heart, my whole heart.
22.8.06
10 Goals for '06-'07
My goals. help me Lord to follow through with these words. I know by myself I'm doomed to fail from the start, but you're holding me Lord, it is ALL You and Not Me.
1. this will be incredibly difficult, but from now on, no DC++, no christiantorrents, no downloading in general. i never once thought twice about my downloading music, movies, etc. but last sunday a guy pointed out to me how wrong it was.. he wasn't being judgemental or anything, in fact quite the contrary, but he made me see so clearly that it was just not right. and i recognize that now.. and to recognize yet do nothing, that would be the worst. so ya, no more stealing, cuz that's what it is in essence.2. as mentioned in a prior post, this year I want to continue being single - for God to be the focal point in my life, for him to be the SOURCE of love that my heart will run to... not boys, not for the ideal of romance. Yet at the same time, this year I want to grow in my relationships with brothers-in-Christ, nothing more nothing less.
3. to put emphasis and strive for consistency in my prayer life; for Him to permeate EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life. not just the quiet prayer time, but to be in direct communication with him in everything that i do.. whether it be when I'm walking to class, when I'm doing homework, in meetings, during meals... everwhere really. its something i'm starting to get used to, and definitely don't want to let go.
4. to continue faithfully through my bible studies every morning. to have completed the book by the end of the year.
5. to grow as a worship leader and disciple in Christ.
6. to put a Godly stance in everything I do and say during Assembly Meetings, and especially during Senate! I've been delegated and elected Senator by You God. I hate politics, it's so dirty, yet you've placed me here, in a position of influence at Queen's. Don't let me shy away from my responsibilities, inspire me to say what you want me to say.. Lord I want Queen's University to be marked and annointed by You!
7. to grow in relationships with my sisters in Christ here at Queen's. Especially look after the relationships with those 3 people I've told you about..
8. to grow in my non-christian relationships. you seem to have placed me in a position with a LOT of non-christian friends. Lord, utilize me, may it be as natural as possible when the time comes to speak your truth.. but more importantly, keep me strong and level-headed. i never want to lose sight of you despite pulling influences.
9. to concentrate on my studies. i'm placed at queen's first and foremost to gain an education. help me glorify your name through my studies.
10. to take joy in everything I do, cuz i only live once, and this life is a gift from you to me. i want to embrace life fully cuz it really IS a joy to be alive!
16.8.06
hard knock life
why is life full of hard decisions and choices? why are there so many roadblocks, locked doors, not to mention the headaches caused by them? as my mom clearly puts it time and time again "life is not easy" sums up life eh? there's this HUGE mega question mark fogging up the lens to the future. its a pain only knowing the unknown, knowing i might just be hitting the wall when i walk so confidently through this door. i feel like i'm in a pinball machine, and i'm the ball being tossed here and there. is life just a pinball game? are we bouncing here and there till we finish up our 3 balls? and yet, God, with his 'stretched' time sees everything. He sees all the walls (or should i say bumpers) I'll hit, all the home-runs (or missions) I'll score, all my joys and pains. if i lean on him, lean on his understanding, lean on his Word and his truth, then my path WILL be made straight as he so clearly promises in proverbs 3. yet, i have an inkling of a feeling that it'll be made straight in HIS sense as opposed to mine. that doesn't seem so reassuring to put it plainly. but i need to get used to HIM being the boss of me, that he will oversee everything i do (given that i put my trust in Him AND given that i work my butt off in this world), and even if things don't happen to go as planned.. i still need to acknowledge that it IS going as planned in his plan.. if that makes any sense
14.8.06
.
what a relief!
what a huge burden lifted off!
its all out :)
may each step i take be aligned in your path..
what a huge burden lifted off!
its all out :)
may each step i take be aligned in your path..
12.8.06
10.8.06
nichole nordeman is the real deal
i think i really really really like Nichole Nordeman! man, she can DEFINITELY write! her lyrics are just so beautifully crafted (yes, she even rhymes, and its harder than it looks) plus there's actual depth of meaning in those lines, she truly paints a picture with her words eh? definitely more than your ordinary Hillsong's song where you sing an "I love you" x10 type deal (not that that is wrong or anything, but there's a time and place for it, and it can get overdone just a bit)
this was one of the first songs i heard from her, and listening to it again, i remembered why she stood out from the rest of the songs on my playlist. one word. wow.
Anyway.
Bless the days this restoration is complete
dirty, dusty, something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
though it's never quite enough
I am starting to see me finally
A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
Guess its no suprise that I'm no michaelangelo
every layer of mine
hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
it might take a little time
but you called me beautiful
when you saw my shame
and you placed me on the wall
anyway
you who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
so I polish and shine till its easier to find
even an outline of mine
but you called me beautiful
when you saw my shame
and you placed me on the wall
anyway
thank you Father for the grace you've shown to me. its a grace that i will never be able to understand fully. its a grace beyond meaning, a grace beyond logic, and thankfully, a grace beyond doubt.
this was one of the first songs i heard from her, and listening to it again, i remembered why she stood out from the rest of the songs on my playlist. one word. wow.
Anyway.
Bless the days this restoration is complete
dirty, dusty, something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
though it's never quite enough
I am starting to see me finally
A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
Guess its no suprise that I'm no michaelangelo
every layer of mine
hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
it might take a little time
but you called me beautiful
when you saw my shame
and you placed me on the wall
anyway
you who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
so I polish and shine till its easier to find
even an outline of mine
but you called me beautiful
when you saw my shame
and you placed me on the wall
anyway
thank you Father for the grace you've shown to me. its a grace that i will never be able to understand fully. its a grace beyond meaning, a grace beyond logic, and thankfully, a grace beyond doubt.
9.8.06
10 q
i'm truly blessed to have a friend like you.
thank you, for everything really.
i'm spoiled by you eh?
:)
love you.
thank you, for everything really.
i'm spoiled by you eh?
:)
love you.
.
How is it that parents know exactly what to say?
Why are they always so wise?
thankyou mom and dad :)
thankyou God for giving me my mom and dad :)
you knew all along..you knew I needed him..you knew our bond would only be strengthened in the end..you just knew..wow.
Why are they always so wise?
thankyou mom and dad :)
thankyou God for giving me my mom and dad :)
you knew all along..you knew I needed him..you knew our bond would only be strengthened in the end..you just knew..wow.
7.8.06
6.8.06
I Cling to You
No place now to hide (D)
Jesus take me from this world of hardened pride (A)
There’s nothing for me here (Bm G)
Nothing for me now (D)
Don’t leave me hanging as I reach my hands up high (A)
I cling to You, Holy Truth (D D/F# )
I hold on tight, with all my might (G A)
Don’t let me go, my enduring Hope (D D/F#)
Just find rest my soul, in God alone. (G A)
And I will go with You (Bm G)
Where you stay I’ll stay (D)
Lord I will follow you forever and a day (A)
And I will bear your cross (Bm G)
Bear it anew each day (D)
The tides are changing, but I’ll continue to walk in faith (A)
31.7.06
what worship is:
i was reading through this powerpoint presentation, and it sorta reiterated what i knew, but seeing as i was never one who was good with words, i thought i'd jot them down.. so next time anyone asks "what is worship?" i'll be able to quote John Piper :)
1. “Strong affections for God, rooted in and shaped by the truth of Scripture – this is bone and marrow of biblical worship” (John Piper)
2. Worship in song must be a genuine extension from a lifestyle of worship
3. Every moment and every activity can be transformed into an act of worship
“Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3:23, NLT)
“Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering.” (Romans 12:1, Mssg)
“Let every detail in your lives--words, actions, whatever--be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way” (Colossians 3:17, Mssg)
1. “Strong affections for God, rooted in and shaped by the truth of Scripture – this is bone and marrow of biblical worship” (John Piper)
2. Worship in song must be a genuine extension from a lifestyle of worship
3. Every moment and every activity can be transformed into an act of worship
“Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3:23, NLT)
“Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering.” (Romans 12:1, Mssg)
“Let every detail in your lives--words, actions, whatever--be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way” (Colossians 3:17, Mssg)
30.7.06
a jaw-dropping wow
So as i mentioned prior, we had a pretty bad worship practice on wednesday.. not only that, but we had 35 minutes of actual practice behind our belts. I was dreading the worst, yet at the same time a bit complacent, praying for the best and putting my trust in the best, i.e. our God. and today, everything went so smoothly, it was amazing, and well all i could do was laugh and chuckle at how things turned around so easily. we started practice around 8:20am, and lo and behold we actually finished going through each and every song by the time the clock struck 9:05. So not only did we get to go through everything, we even had enough time to smooth over the wrinkles. I was nervous seeing as we scrapped 4 out of the 6 songs we had practiced on wednesday. so yes, we had to practice 4 completely new songs this morning (not like it mattered, since 35 minutes is not much time to practice anything) but ya, everything fell in line so incredibly smoothly! i'm just thankful we switched up the songs of response.. it definitely was more fitting with the theme of Jenny's message. sometimes it feels like a gamble when choosing a song of response. if all you're given is the scripture reading and the golden verse, well honestly the direction of the msg could pretty well go anywhere. but when you find that perfect song which encapsulates the theme of the message, then it feels like you've hit the jackpot. i hate having to connect the sermon to the song of response, rather the song of response should be able to stand on its own as an extension of the sermon, or a re-statement of it.
i like leading worship. its scary and frightening. but its also enlightening and uplifting (if that makes any sense). leading worship has pushed me to become a better servant, a better Christian, and a better daughter to my Lord. so ya, i really do like leading worship.
i like leading worship. its scary and frightening. but its also enlightening and uplifting (if that makes any sense). leading worship has pushed me to become a better servant, a better Christian, and a better daughter to my Lord. so ya, i really do like leading worship.
29.7.06
Haggai 2:1-23
The Way of Obedience is the Way of Blessing.
Haggai teaches us that faithfulness and blessings are directly connected; that when a good work is awaiting its accomplishment, the time to do it is now! that discouragement is not a good enough reason for neglecting duties. "Be strong and work" (Haggai 2:4) is a great statement to live by... its going out in faith, working hard, and in the process receiving the many blessings poured out from our Father.
"My Spirit remains among you. Do not fear." (Haggai 2:5)
"I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you." (Haggai 2:23)
God said He would make Zerubbabel like a signet ring, yet earlier on (somewhere in Jeremiah) God passes judgement on his grandfather and entire family line. however, years later, Zerubbabel leads a group of Jews back to Jerusalem after their exile in Babylon. Because of his obedience to God and his efforts to rebuild the temple, the Lord refers to Zerubbabel as a valued signet ring. (The signet ring represents honor and authority of a king)
Lesson to Learn: Be Obedient, Be Strong, and Work Hard
Haggai teaches us that faithfulness and blessings are directly connected; that when a good work is awaiting its accomplishment, the time to do it is now! that discouragement is not a good enough reason for neglecting duties. "Be strong and work" (Haggai 2:4) is a great statement to live by... its going out in faith, working hard, and in the process receiving the many blessings poured out from our Father.
"My Spirit remains among you. Do not fear." (Haggai 2:5)
"I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you." (Haggai 2:23)
God said He would make Zerubbabel like a signet ring, yet earlier on (somewhere in Jeremiah) God passes judgement on his grandfather and entire family line. however, years later, Zerubbabel leads a group of Jews back to Jerusalem after their exile in Babylon. Because of his obedience to God and his efforts to rebuild the temple, the Lord refers to Zerubbabel as a valued signet ring. (The signet ring represents honor and authority of a king)
Lesson to Learn: Be Obedient, Be Strong, and Work Hard
28.7.06
Malachi 1:6-14
Worship is the natural expression of our love for a holy God. Now this God we believe in is a jealous God who demands the totality of our worship, for he is the object of our honor and our respect.
Malachi hits the dot when addressing the issue of hypocritical worship. Apparently, the term “hypocrite” has Elizabethan roots. An actor would play numerous roles by switching masks. It was the same person, but a different face. The word “hypocrite” in today’s terminology is completely negative now - he or she is a person who talks out of both sides of their mouth, someone who goes through the proper motions but has a hidden agenda. Have you ever heard that phrase "I got so much out of worship today" ? its warped i tell you. Its not what we get out of it, but rather what we GIVE out of ourselves to Him.
There is a natural order and a natural flow of things. First comes love, then comes Worship. These 2 values go hand-in-hand or rather they're like hand in glove. There can be no separating our love for God from our worship of who God is.
In Malachi's time, he speaks of Worship services which have become routine and mundane. The people were showing up for corporate worship but their lifestyle demonstrated a selfish priority. Its scary how our time and age is not so much different from theirs. Malachi emphasizes the need for true worship, and the heart of his message identifies what true worship is. True worship must have a sincere respect for God. True worship must give a sacrificial response to God. Is God our buddy-buddy? or is he our master whom we honour and respect (Malachi 1:6)? For our God says "I am a great King, and my name is to be feared among the nations" (Malachi 1:14) Where's the fear in our generation today? It's like we've bottled him up into a tiny cute little package of love and happiness.. and we don't recognize this is the same avengeful God who can brutally strip us into nothing.
Malachi hits the dot when addressing the issue of hypocritical worship. Apparently, the term “hypocrite” has Elizabethan roots. An actor would play numerous roles by switching masks. It was the same person, but a different face. The word “hypocrite” in today’s terminology is completely negative now - he or she is a person who talks out of both sides of their mouth, someone who goes through the proper motions but has a hidden agenda. Have you ever heard that phrase "I got so much out of worship today" ? its warped i tell you. Its not what we get out of it, but rather what we GIVE out of ourselves to Him.
There is a natural order and a natural flow of things. First comes love, then comes Worship. These 2 values go hand-in-hand or rather they're like hand in glove. There can be no separating our love for God from our worship of who God is.
In Malachi's time, he speaks of Worship services which have become routine and mundane. The people were showing up for corporate worship but their lifestyle demonstrated a selfish priority. Its scary how our time and age is not so much different from theirs. Malachi emphasizes the need for true worship, and the heart of his message identifies what true worship is. True worship must have a sincere respect for God. True worship must give a sacrificial response to God. Is God our buddy-buddy? or is he our master whom we honour and respect (Malachi 1:6)? For our God says "I am a great King, and my name is to be feared among the nations" (Malachi 1:14) Where's the fear in our generation today? It's like we've bottled him up into a tiny cute little package of love and happiness.. and we don't recognize this is the same avengeful God who can brutally strip us into nothing.
27.7.06
humility in you.
Teach me Lord to love you with everything and nothing. Everything in that my whole being will love you with all that I have and even with all that I lack; and Nothing in that I am not conscious of my love for you, I am not self-aware for that is prideful, and that will surely ensnare me in sin. Let the foundation of my love for you be based on humility and self-sacrifice. Lord wipe away all pride, all sin, and all my double-mindedness, for Lord I am but a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes, while you remain unchanged and unchanging, the same yesterday, today, and forever. Lord lend your strength to me, that my feet may be like the feet of deer, and that I may reach inexplicable heights whereso it is written in your design for me. Sorry for that lapse in emotion last night. God, thank you for being my refuge, thank you for caring for those whose trust is in You. I hate being weak. I hate letting emotions run, but at the same time, I thank you Lord that you've given these feelings to me, that I truly felt and truly FEEL alive. This breath in me is a gift from you; God, I don't want to abuse that gift. Let me be grateful for all I have, and be even more grateful for all that I don't have - for it will force me to be more hungry, more thirsty after your kingdom and righteousness. So I turn these tears of sadness into tears of joy...
<-----! !----->
"Your attitude should be the same as that
of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death -
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee
should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under
the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father."
- Philippians 2:5-11
<-----! !----->
<-----! !----->
"Your attitude should be the same as that
of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death -
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee
should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under
the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father."
- Philippians 2:5-11
<-----! !----->
26.7.06
..
i was walking home after practice..
and i dunno why, but i just started crying.
it was as if all my frustrations, all my worries, all my inner longings were embodied in my tears.
ya, we had a really bad worship practice, and that just added fuel to the flame.. but i wasn't crying for that . i pinpointed why exactly all these tears were flowing down my face. it was cuz an image popped into my head. an image of myself at home, hugging my dad. its so strange, i never in a million years thought that THAT would bring me to tears! me, the one who's so stoic when it comes to crying. i miss you dad. i miss the warmth i get when i'm in your arms, i miss that sense of security, knowing that when i'm in your embrace, everything will be ok. its like you put a spell over me. and now, just thinking about you is putting me to tears all over again.. stop grace. stop crying. why are you so weak right now? why do you miss home so much? why are tears flowing down your face? just stop. please..
and i dunno why, but i just started crying.
it was as if all my frustrations, all my worries, all my inner longings were embodied in my tears.
ya, we had a really bad worship practice, and that just added fuel to the flame.. but i wasn't crying for that . i pinpointed why exactly all these tears were flowing down my face. it was cuz an image popped into my head. an image of myself at home, hugging my dad. its so strange, i never in a million years thought that THAT would bring me to tears! me, the one who's so stoic when it comes to crying. i miss you dad. i miss the warmth i get when i'm in your arms, i miss that sense of security, knowing that when i'm in your embrace, everything will be ok. its like you put a spell over me. and now, just thinking about you is putting me to tears all over again.. stop grace. stop crying. why are you so weak right now? why do you miss home so much? why are tears flowing down your face? just stop. please..
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