check list::::::

Here's the To-Do List for this upcoming weekend (in order of priority):

0. stay STRONG!!!! :(
1. catch up on ALL of Bchm310
2. write out micr notes (chpt 6, 7, 8)
3. Read/Review Stats Ch. 1-9
4. read psyc (part II)

sub to-do-list...

1. Read Micah
2. find a new study place.. NOT stauffer 4th floor
3. learn first page of Wild Jagd (piano piece by Liszt)
4. try to avoid, err.. see less of ... "friend"

stupidness and the sorts

i've been brought up in a way... or rather, the culture here has brought me up in such a way that if something goes wrong, then i should just tough it out. stand solo, thats the way it goes. for its a sign of weakness when we ask for help. but i don't wanna stand alone..

so this is me in my weakness. .. i'm slipping. for example i've already broken one of my resolutions for this year... no downloading, no dc++... i keep on justifying things in my head, even though in my gut i know whats right and i know whats wrong. but even though i know... i don't act accordingly.. ..

oh.. and whats worse is i think i might like a boy. i've talked to viv and joyce about it now, and ya, its probably & most likely & certainly because i've been spending way too much time with this guy. *sigh. this year i've deemed no-boy-year. why? well i just plain and simply got sick of thinking about boys... caring for boys.. i just wanted to grow in friendships only. also, it was made in partial fear... in that i don't quite trust myself at times. yes i've very little to no experience at all actually, but still.. i just don't want to THINK about anyone. i just don't want to care. don't want to wish. don't wanna hope. nothing nothing nothing nothing.. so.. can one have a plutonic relationship with a guy? or is it just natural that both sexes tend to have feelings for each other as the friendship progresses... uhh, stupidness. stupid boy/girl stuff. why can't this whole entire world be made up of just girls or something. why do hormones and affections have to come into play?

so conclusion: i don't really like this boy. or at least i don't think. these "feelings" are just cuz i've been spending so much time with him, so i've grown attached to him.. and IF there's actually something there, then i guess it'll just have to wait till next year to unravel. cuz nothings gonna happen anytime soon. whats the big rush anyways?

...

.

...

cravings.

things i crave at this instant:

1. For winter to come, for snow to finally fall
2. For an icecream cone. for GRAPE-flavoured icecream on a cone (never tasted one before... but mmm.. just imagine :)
3. For a hug, not one of those wussy pansy-type hugs.. but a REAL hug! one that warms you to the core
4. To be able to play Chopin's piano concerto #1 in E minor *sigh, if only i could return to the olden days.. ..


...

.

hmm.. don't want you or i to.. ya. so i think i be layin low now.

.i.love.eggs.

This is seriously way too cute for words!!! definitely a nice stress reliever!

yummy yummy eggs :) mmm
thanks fi!

honestly. it feels like there are 3 cacti shoved down my throat right now. uck.

you were right.
i'm beginning to understand this 2 to 1 ratio..

cuz ya, i'm just drained and depleted..
but the thing is, although my body is weak,
my mind and spirit want to keep on going forever..

*sigh

!! W A R N I N G !! Gross Picture!!
p r o c e e d _w i t h _c a u t i o n . . .



i stumbled across this photo while sorting out my files! and yes, that's ME with my Battle wounds lol. i still have remnants to this day! if ya wanna know the story behind it just ask :)

.

forgive me

i'm sorry i didn't know..
hearing your story makes me wanna cry..
worse yet..
not knowing where your heart is..
it hurts...

God, can't you just reveal yourself to him so boldly, so forthrightly that he can't help but turn to you... please? God i pray you work miracles again. Let me see a miracle.. please..

what is this!
whats with all these blessings being showered down huh?

:)

and i stand here again. i stand in complete awe of who you are and what you've done and what you will do

wow. thats all i can say. wow ..

i feel happy. it's an old feeling that I lost in the midst of all the busyness last year, that feeling of contentedness, completeness, and serenity.

So here's to this year. Lord annoint it and your servant before you. In everything I do, Lord may I glorify only You. Thank you for staying true to your words, for remaining faithful and for showing your faithfulness to me time and time again.

I love you Halmoni (grandmother). Please live just a bit longer... there's still so much I want to say to you.. if only one day i could wake up fluent in korean.. if only. .. there'd be so much I want to talk to you about. and finally I'd be able to understand exactly what you're saying to me. but for now, i'll just rely on God's wisdom. thank you Halmoni for having a heart of gold, for pushing me to become the best I can be.

.

my faithful father, oh how i love thee.
i will sing your praises even before the sun rises,
and i will sing your praises long after sunset.

thank you for answering my prayers (yet again)
you've laid it out so perfectly,
you've brought them directly to me,
as if you just knew all along,
and you did.

Lord, let my light shine for you,
wherever I go,
may I reflect your love and not my own,
for I am nothing and have nothing,
I am but a mist who vanishes after a little while,
while You O God are from everlasting to everlasting,
your love will never fade.

i love my god.

I love my God because..
he's put a song in my heart,
he's given me reason to skip and frollick in the sun till dawn
he picks me up each and every time i fall
he doesn't get annoyed at my silly questions or silly remarks
he puts a smile on my face when I wake up
he's so incredibly patient despite my being so stubborn at times
he's blessed me with my parents, my brothers, and my friends
he's pushing me in this swing of life
he's created art wherever i go, his creation is just so beautiful
he's my saviour, my friend, and the lover of my soul
and THAT is why I love my God.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

.

i lucked out on having a friend like you.. but i guess it was preordained by god. thank you for hearing me out tonite, thank you for calling at just the right moment when i needed someone to talk to the most. i felt so low, so negative.. i felt shattered . you're right though. i really do need to take care of my own self first and foremost.. it was nice today.. just by myself. just me and the waves crashing onto the shore.. me and the waves and my thoughts and prayers. but still i felt broken, cracked, and frustrated.. despite my crying out to my God. and then you called, well i just needed someone.. and you were there. you're a wise one. i'll take to heart everything you said. but thank you. thank you for noticing something, for taking heed the unsaid, for .. well .. just for being there.

.

so much to say.. so many thoughts swirling around in my head.

i just feel so...
inadequate.

a love like faith

sometimes it's just so easy to become too self-absorbed. our culture here has brought us up in such a disgustingly selfish way, that it has molded us into these me-robots who bulldoze through whatever and whomever to get what they want. We fail to see the hurt, we fail to see the pain; we're just blinded by our own selfish ambition, or in my case, blinded by a complete and utter obliviousness to this world. for me, when i feel sad, the world becomes sad, when i'm happy, the world happy. not a good thing eh? i'm beginning this new devotional on the fruit of the spirit, the first sub-fruit being LOVE. and i question myself, as I seem to do so often these days, do i really love? well ya, of course I do, cuz I know and believe in God, and God IS love as it says in 1 John 4:8.

but.. love, in a way, is sorta like faith in that faith without action is dead. likewise, love without action is also dead. Jesus, when he came down to Earth not only preached about love, but freely gave it out - one of the prime examples being how Jesus not only healed, but TOUCHED the leprous man - so again, i ask myself do i really love? now, the answer is a maybe. and that's not a good sign. love is meaningless and empty if it's not backed by action, so it's my prayer that i become less self-absorbed and more pro-ACTIVE, less oblivious and more aware of others, to show less "dead-love" and more of "God's-love" backed by action.